Emotions and Egos

Another public demo added to the list and a memory of different emotions.Commitment. Getting together with the team at 5:00 in the morning and having everyone show up and give it their best at all demo practices. To create a demo in such a short time frame displayed a very solid and dedicated team to what it is we are trying to accomplish. Excitement. When everybody is getting ready to perform, there is such a high sense of energy and its just plain cool to stand back and take in everyone doing their forms, adjusting and tweeking, putting their own personality and flow to them. Inspiration. You can't help but be inspired to do your best and that discipline is installed even when you are home or training with each other. The expectations are high and everyone is driven to succeed because as a team we are all counting on each other and want to do well for the representation of our school and the expectations of our teachers. Being nervous. No matter what mindset you use, this emotion is always present before any public activity. No matter what perspective you try to fool your brains with or how the butterflies in your stomach always amplify to elves with jack hammers, this emotion will always be present and labouring if you let it get the best of you. Although with a team and more and more public experience you achieve it does get easier. Keep in mind, everyone around you is going through the same feeling and they're pulling it off and so can you. Content. The comfort of knowing that you can approach anyone on the team for advice or maybe a relation to the trouble you are having or that little boost you need. The fact that this is a team makes it rewarding when you can do the same for someone else and being able to recognize that someone on the team may need your help but is not very good at approaching or saying how they feel and taking the initiative to approach. Pride. Witnessing all that took place and knowing you and your team were a part of it. By contributing a piece of yourself and the standard of the school. Looking around the room and feeling the energy of some truly wonderful and awesome people, not to mention extremely lethal. Disappointment. I really felt like I let the team down today. Everything went well with the exception of my board breaks. Sorry guys. Regret. I should have practiced my techniques more and took the little extra time to put the holders in the exact place required. Although I didn't stop and continued through, in my mind the word fail echoed through and the fact it was public left a sting. Humility. I have become, to a point, comfortable with the back up of being able to muscle through things. That failed me today and taught me a good lesson about not always relying on your physical strength. My ability to quickly adapt and just make it happen is great, but I think over confidence and ego impaired this ability today. One of the main reasons I try not to carry an ego is because an ego is fake and nobody respects an inflated ego and sooner or later it will catch you and it will throw you flat on your face. So as I said, the fact this reminder was public just reinforced my beliefs and was a great reminder to humility. You can't always be perfect, there is no such thing. Wisdom. Learning wisdom through mistakes is the true way to be successful and really be able to figure out what went wrong and what process is required to repair and a break down with an attention to detail in every step of your techniques to be solid and stick with you. Happiness. All in all after I managed to think things through, I couldn't stop smiling all day. Knowing what we did for those seniors today was what really mattered. I still see the smiles on their faces and I'm sure we really made an impact on their lives. I also can't stop smiling as I recall all the smiles on my teamates faces. Good job guys, you all looked awesome, and it was great to see team support from Sifu Bryant as well. Now where is the damn ice!
Brian Chervenka

Being grateful

I am grateful for many things, too many things to record on one blog thats for sure. But I'll definitely share the people or experiences that stand out or that mean the most. I am grateful for my parents. Without the life and survival skills that they passed on to me I think I would have a much tougher time at things we're handed. I'm grateful to live in the country we do and the opportunity it presents or has given to me and my family for a great life and solid future for my girls. I am very grateful that friends and some hard lessons pulled me out of the lifestyle I once thought was the place to be or I would be dead or in jail. I am grateful for meeting my wife and step daughter, this taught me to learn acceptance and responsibility and evolved understanding. I am grateful for the ability to work with my hands and use my brain comfortably in almost any situation. (again this ties in with my Father) I am grateful for my youngest daughter that never fails to challenge me or bring sunshine into any day or any situation. I am grateful for finally stepping up and becoming a martial artist and the opportunity to train at Silent River Kung Fu. I am grateful for all the great and inspiring people I have met and train with. My Kung Fu family means alot too me. I am grateful for all my teachers as a student and all my life teachers I have met through my life. Past, present, and future.

Brian Chervenka 

Answering a challenge

When I was going over the requirements and trying to decide which personal and which "pre set" challenge to blog about and how it has made me a better person and martial artist, there was alot to ponder. All, have changed and affected me in one way or another. For personal I chose 1000 reps of Da Mu Hsing. Initially I thought this would be a good form to work on and streamline because it covers every aspect of basic. Installing this kind of muscle memory and mindfulness would be a very good asset to my training pyramid and have a good solid base for any form or training involving stances and flow, stability, and of course becoming comfortable and recognizing center and applying the six harmonies. What I didn't realize is what kind of can I had opened and the questions that would arise along with the difficulties that I would encounter as I began to improve and the form matured. Ways I had been doing forms with a multitude of unfinished stances and a handful of bad pratices can all go back to my practice of Dah Mu Hsing. For a basic form it started to turn out to be somewhat complex. It seemed as I corrected one or two things, something else was definitely wrong or didn't feel right. As my flow improved and became faster my stances or some techniques would come short or just plain sucked from my perspective. Lack of flexibility and executing everything from my shoulders was more than apparent and the effects were more than obvious. Although as I progress the recognition and the ability to repair is present. I am starting to feel and recognize center and am mindful of the six harmonies. Every technique, foot position, wrist rotation is there, I just have to get it all to work together as one. I don't think a person ever totally masters a form, they just make it their own and continue to work and improve constantly, like a circle that never meets. So this particular requirement has made me more aware of all my Kung Fu, and the harder I work at it, the more I will constantly improve in my life journey as a practitioner of the art.

As for the pre set requirement I chose random acts of kindness. I always have had a natural ability and desire to help others. Whether it be mental or physical. If your down, I want to help in any way I can. If you need a favor no problem, lets get it done. I always tried to show respect and always be thankful towards others. But exposure to this challenge actually showed me that in some ways I am not so understanding or sympathetic towards others. In someways it has exposed just how little empathy I have towards people and how I expect aknowledgment when I say good morning to someone or hold a door for them and they look at me like they just did me a favor by allowing me to hold the door for them. The constant mentality that entitlement is king and everyone deserves everything, and under no circumstances whatsoever take personal responsibilty for any action. Materials and self are completely what life is about. This has been a very difficult challenge in some ways. On one or two occasions I didn't even want to do it. It is very easy to get discouraged or write off the fools, so to speak. Then I realized that is not what this challenge is about, aknowledgement or self gratification for doing something nice. Its about example and hope. Setting the example to others that may have lost their way or was never taught or grew up in a tight community setting to put others first. Hope, that people will look past themselves and try to reconnect the disconnection that is so prevalent and growing at a rapid pace. Maintaining the standard and responsibility to help each other and the world around us. I have realized you can't hold people to your own personal standards or principles or way of doing things. Every body has their own way of learning and progressing and that is what needs to be recognized and respected. But one can definitely lead by example and demonstration of what it means to live and practice kindness.
Thank you Sifu Wonsiak for this challenge.
Brian Chervenka