This is a powerful word ownership. It's a shame that it almost appears to be a discipline that is going extinct...fast. I myself have let the discipline of my own personal ownership slip into an abyss of uncontrolled madness. So many things have happened to me this year. Some of which I have shared openly with the few I trust, other things on a much larger scale, I have shared with no one. It's just the way it had to be and as result many things have suffered but not unrestorable. My passion towards my Kung Fu and work took a back seat to everything else that was going on. However, if those passions weren't as strong as they were, I would have definitely had a tougher time getting through them. Absence from the kwoon is very damaging. You cannot possibly invest that much time into your physical and mental growth and expect to just shut it off and run on reserve. But that's what I did. Never realizing at the time how when I thought I needed to swap around my priorities in order to facilitate my adaptations in order to push through, just how much further I knocked myself off of the path and relaxed the reigns on my ownership. Anger can completely corrupt your mind and lead you astray quite easily. It can turn you into a different person with different beliefs. Mix this emotion with some ego and a severe back stabbing and who knows where you will end up. But if severe enough, it will change you whether you like it or not. I'm not a weak minded person nor do I tolerate any kind of over demanding control in my life by others. But some where along the way, I relaxed my grip on what is mine and what I believe in. At the moment though I couldn't see a damn thing, all I could see was someone needed my time or assistance and because of my ethics of hard work and strong will, I took on everything I possibly could all at the same time.
But you see, if you don't continually maintain your strengths and passions and keep them in front of you, no matter how strong you are, you will fall into areas you don't venture and begin to adopt the mindset you are surrounded by. This will only happen if you let it. But when the exposure is so high and you don't maintain, you can't help but become a part of it. Suddenly your mixed up in a group of people that are judgemental, refuse to take accountability for their actions, lack any sort of standards or pride, and constantly put blame on everything and everyone around them. The exact kind of people that I try to avoid and have disassociated myself from in the past. The kind of people I can't stand to look at and am embarrassed to hell by. Fighting this battle of my own beliefs and morals and being surrounded by this stuff took it's toll for sure, but in the end it worked out. In the end I took back what was mine, I took complete ownership what it is I am and what it is I am about.
The moment of clarity for me was memorizing mastery and the energy I get from the kwoon that wasn't as present on a potent level. Also a class I attended just over two weeks ago on a Wednesday made a huge difference and influence on me. I received three different points of critique on a single form from three different Black Belts and in a matter of an hour, all my problems where balanced. Also the words that were passed onto the class that evening really hit home for me. They were words that shook me to the bone and I will never forget.
I didn't really see the overall importance of memorizing mastery. Running on ignorance, I read it and thought, "Well this is pretty straight forward, thanks king of the obvious! Why should I memorize this?" I understand why now. If you actually take the time to memorize this and recite it before your day begins, this is a tool that will keep you in check on every single thing you do and will remind you why you are doing what you are and what you don't want to be. Mediocre. It's kind of cool really and this alone punched me right square in the face and helped me get back on track. My teachers and mentors are everything to me as is where I train. I didn't want to bring my darkness into the kwoon with me. I didn't want to expose that person to the kwoon or for that matter anyone in it. I needed the time to be alone, an isolation from everything. I am a thinker and I solve my problems before I venture forth. Smaller ones are no big deal, but ones on a much larger scale require time and they must be balanced or else I become unbalanced and this is no good. The fog has finally lifted and I am on the recovery to take back what was mine, to take complete control of my life. To hold myself and others around me accountable. To take full and complete ownership of my Kung Fu, my work, my family and my passions. To embrace my masters and mentors and all of their teachings. Has this all cost me valuable time? Perhaps, but if I run out I'll go look for some. The year isn't over yet and I have a lot to do. See you at the Kwoon.
