So my year has been off to a rough start as I came in late on everything that I needed to do to prepare for the year of the rat but being thrown into the fire and the calling of adapt and overcome the challenge is nothing new, I embrace that. However, although I can be a very focused and committed individual, I fail to keep whats best for me front and center and channel that focus and commitment for others instead. Seldom does the investment return as much as I have out into it, in the end your just another number. Don't get me wrong, this has provided me with many opportunities and I'm seldom out of work for very long as a result of these efforts and the well being of my girls are my whole primary focus. But in the end, my health, family life, and my Kung Fu are sacrificed due to the work-a-holic mentality I have. I plan to use the focus and commitment of a year of mastery to overcome and embrace and act on the change necessary. It will be a long overdue challenge but I am ready to see it through as I completely bombed the last two years. I start out strong, a good plan laid out, then boom, I'm gone never to be seen or heard from again. The damaging factor is perspective of priorities and where they sit for me. All or nothing does tend to come into play but I have learned to shove that to the side and I know this mindset is counterproductive. It's tough to overcome when it has been the mindset for so many years but I do know I need to break the cycle. Like any character defect, it's a work in progress and as of late I seem to be coming ahead.
I have been reviewing my forms and working on my conditioning as of late. This has been a little tricky as I cracked 3 ribs not too long ago and still in the healing phase. I honestly didn't know they were cracked and just carried on thinking they were bruised, nope they are cracked so I had to let them heal. This kept me from doing a lot of things and it sure doesn't take long for ones conditioning to lapse when you are limited to what you can do. Now I'm in an incremental stage of loading up my core and other aspects of conditioning. I am in some pain of course, but it is a good pain, an invested pain because I know each day I will become stronger, each day a little more flexible, and my muscle memory is awakening. Just have to be patient and embrace the incremental progress. That alone is sure a good feeling knowing all is not lost. Qigong has been both my friend and my worst enemy lately, but for me it has been my best tool for regaining endurance, timed breathing, and flexibility. I havent done it for so long so it's been a challenge remembering the form and of course actually doing it, but the results are noticable and effective for where I am curently at.
I have chosen the Long Axe or Halberd again for this years weapon. I just absolutely love this weapon and have spent countless hours with it on my imaginary battle fields and a lot of time and effort working towards mastering it. The repetitive weapon choice is not a comfort zone thing or an avoidance of challenge, it is part of a long term goal I set a long time ago. Once I have a very solid feel for the mechanics of the Halberd and a good solid understanding of how to move and attack with it, then I will move onto a live Guandao. To me, that's the ultimate weapon and once I reach the skill level I feel is accomplished, I'll take on this weapon. I can see it now, shimmering in gold with cool music and angels flying it over to me!! Best ever!
My hand form Loa Gar is another repeat with the intention of seeing through another long term goal of extreme challenge and the preservation of our lineage. I actually really enjoy the technical aspect of this form and style, the mystery to the mechanics and how it all works together is something I never get bored with. The form has teased me many times as I have momentarily seemed to unlock it's power, but then the inability to do it again prevails, all on the quest for knowledge I guess. One of the other reasons is Loa Gar or Hung Gar is officially an extinct art. Our school is probably one of very few that actually still practices it. Our lineage is very important to me as is my respect for our past masters. If you look into our schools lineage it goes back a long ways and many very talented artists have cut the path for us. This potency cannot die off and needs to be maintained or in the end, it's gone and all of that hard work means nothing.
I'm not into contributing to the demise of traditional martial arts any longer as over the last few years I have done just that by not being at the school. This alone has kept me inspired during my abscence and has prompted me to act and instead of just turning into a black belt made of ice cream and turn my back on it all. I will continue to be a practioner of the art and not be afraid to get sore and sweaty to see it through. That's one of my primary goals this year to review and perfect all of my forms, intensify and regain my conditioning, and constantly review the curriculumn so I have a solid base and understanding of our style beyond what I already know. Besides I am supposed to be doing this anyway as one of our best tools, the Black Belt Code of Ethics is sworn to by me. Although I have repeated myself several times on this point, I'm gonna do this, is now going to be I am doing this. Well that's one post that I brought out of the drafts, many more to come as I actually want to see 52 posts this year instead of 5 or 6 and then I disappear. See you at the Kwoon.
