Emotions and Egos

Another public demo added to the list and a memory of different emotions.Commitment. Getting together with the team at 5:00 in the morning and having everyone show up and give it their best at all demo practices. To create a demo in such a short time frame displayed a very solid and dedicated team to what it is we are trying to accomplish. Excitement. When everybody is getting ready to perform, there is such a high sense of energy and its just plain cool to stand back and take in everyone doing their forms, adjusting and tweeking, putting their own personality and flow to them. Inspiration. You can't help but be inspired to do your best and that discipline is installed even when you are home or training with each other. The expectations are high and everyone is driven to succeed because as a team we are all counting on each other and want to do well for the representation of our school and the expectations of our teachers. Being nervous. No matter what mindset you use, this emotion is always present before any public activity. No matter what perspective you try to fool your brains with or how the butterflies in your stomach always amplify to elves with jack hammers, this emotion will always be present and labouring if you let it get the best of you. Although with a team and more and more public experience you achieve it does get easier. Keep in mind, everyone around you is going through the same feeling and they're pulling it off and so can you. Content. The comfort of knowing that you can approach anyone on the team for advice or maybe a relation to the trouble you are having or that little boost you need. The fact that this is a team makes it rewarding when you can do the same for someone else and being able to recognize that someone on the team may need your help but is not very good at approaching or saying how they feel and taking the initiative to approach. Pride. Witnessing all that took place and knowing you and your team were a part of it. By contributing a piece of yourself and the standard of the school. Looking around the room and feeling the energy of some truly wonderful and awesome people, not to mention extremely lethal. Disappointment. I really felt like I let the team down today. Everything went well with the exception of my board breaks. Sorry guys. Regret. I should have practiced my techniques more and took the little extra time to put the holders in the exact place required. Although I didn't stop and continued through, in my mind the word fail echoed through and the fact it was public left a sting. Humility. I have become, to a point, comfortable with the back up of being able to muscle through things. That failed me today and taught me a good lesson about not always relying on your physical strength. My ability to quickly adapt and just make it happen is great, but I think over confidence and ego impaired this ability today. One of the main reasons I try not to carry an ego is because an ego is fake and nobody respects an inflated ego and sooner or later it will catch you and it will throw you flat on your face. So as I said, the fact this reminder was public just reinforced my beliefs and was a great reminder to humility. You can't always be perfect, there is no such thing. Wisdom. Learning wisdom through mistakes is the true way to be successful and really be able to figure out what went wrong and what process is required to repair and a break down with an attention to detail in every step of your techniques to be solid and stick with you. Happiness. All in all after I managed to think things through, I couldn't stop smiling all day. Knowing what we did for those seniors today was what really mattered. I still see the smiles on their faces and I'm sure we really made an impact on their lives. I also can't stop smiling as I recall all the smiles on my teamates faces. Good job guys, you all looked awesome, and it was great to see team support from Sifu Bryant as well. Now where is the damn ice!
Brian Chervenka

Being grateful

I am grateful for many things, too many things to record on one blog thats for sure. But I'll definitely share the people or experiences that stand out or that mean the most. I am grateful for my parents. Without the life and survival skills that they passed on to me I think I would have a much tougher time at things we're handed. I'm grateful to live in the country we do and the opportunity it presents or has given to me and my family for a great life and solid future for my girls. I am very grateful that friends and some hard lessons pulled me out of the lifestyle I once thought was the place to be or I would be dead or in jail. I am grateful for meeting my wife and step daughter, this taught me to learn acceptance and responsibility and evolved understanding. I am grateful for the ability to work with my hands and use my brain comfortably in almost any situation. (again this ties in with my Father) I am grateful for my youngest daughter that never fails to challenge me or bring sunshine into any day or any situation. I am grateful for finally stepping up and becoming a martial artist and the opportunity to train at Silent River Kung Fu. I am grateful for all the great and inspiring people I have met and train with. My Kung Fu family means alot too me. I am grateful for all my teachers as a student and all my life teachers I have met through my life. Past, present, and future.

Brian Chervenka 

Answering a challenge

When I was going over the requirements and trying to decide which personal and which "pre set" challenge to blog about and how it has made me a better person and martial artist, there was alot to ponder. All, have changed and affected me in one way or another. For personal I chose 1000 reps of Da Mu Hsing. Initially I thought this would be a good form to work on and streamline because it covers every aspect of basic. Installing this kind of muscle memory and mindfulness would be a very good asset to my training pyramid and have a good solid base for any form or training involving stances and flow, stability, and of course becoming comfortable and recognizing center and applying the six harmonies. What I didn't realize is what kind of can I had opened and the questions that would arise along with the difficulties that I would encounter as I began to improve and the form matured. Ways I had been doing forms with a multitude of unfinished stances and a handful of bad pratices can all go back to my practice of Dah Mu Hsing. For a basic form it started to turn out to be somewhat complex. It seemed as I corrected one or two things, something else was definitely wrong or didn't feel right. As my flow improved and became faster my stances or some techniques would come short or just plain sucked from my perspective. Lack of flexibility and executing everything from my shoulders was more than apparent and the effects were more than obvious. Although as I progress the recognition and the ability to repair is present. I am starting to feel and recognize center and am mindful of the six harmonies. Every technique, foot position, wrist rotation is there, I just have to get it all to work together as one. I don't think a person ever totally masters a form, they just make it their own and continue to work and improve constantly, like a circle that never meets. So this particular requirement has made me more aware of all my Kung Fu, and the harder I work at it, the more I will constantly improve in my life journey as a practitioner of the art.

As for the pre set requirement I chose random acts of kindness. I always have had a natural ability and desire to help others. Whether it be mental or physical. If your down, I want to help in any way I can. If you need a favor no problem, lets get it done. I always tried to show respect and always be thankful towards others. But exposure to this challenge actually showed me that in some ways I am not so understanding or sympathetic towards others. In someways it has exposed just how little empathy I have towards people and how I expect aknowledgment when I say good morning to someone or hold a door for them and they look at me like they just did me a favor by allowing me to hold the door for them. The constant mentality that entitlement is king and everyone deserves everything, and under no circumstances whatsoever take personal responsibilty for any action. Materials and self are completely what life is about. This has been a very difficult challenge in some ways. On one or two occasions I didn't even want to do it. It is very easy to get discouraged or write off the fools, so to speak. Then I realized that is not what this challenge is about, aknowledgement or self gratification for doing something nice. Its about example and hope. Setting the example to others that may have lost their way or was never taught or grew up in a tight community setting to put others first. Hope, that people will look past themselves and try to reconnect the disconnection that is so prevalent and growing at a rapid pace. Maintaining the standard and responsibility to help each other and the world around us. I have realized you can't hold people to your own personal standards or principles or way of doing things. Every body has their own way of learning and progressing and that is what needs to be recognized and respected. But one can definitely lead by example and demonstration of what it means to live and practice kindness.
Thank you Sifu Wonsiak for this challenge.
Brian Chervenka

Becoming one function

Its kinda weird moving to another level of Kung Fu. As you work through the curriculum your training matures to different levels. Once you grade and pass, there is the excitement of a new challenge and another group of forms, techniques, and fitness levels. Now you have gone through all the colours and you are now able to prepare for your black belt test. I have to admit as I reviewed the curriculum there was quite a bit that I don't remember. But there is also quite a bit I do remember. I am glad that from blue belt up until now I attended as many of the other classes as I could, because it kept me engaged. Also the importance of doing your homework on all the forms or techniques I didn't understand or it took time to learn. Those repetitions installed muscle memory that stayed in my thoughts and body. Things I have forgotten come back naturally after a brief review, others I don't have a clue. I don't carry any doubt of whether or not I have earned my stripes or belt levels because I have faith in all of my teachers, If I wasn't ready they would not have advanced me, end of story.That in itself can be intimidating and install doubt, if you let it. I started to think of how I need to do this and I need to do that, and holy #@%& I have lots of work to do and...... Stop you idiot! I have this year to complete first in the I Ho Chuan and that is the focus. People are counting on each other for help and completion. I don't want to slip back into the "blinders on" mode and be completely self centered and hog this tool to myself again. Because that will happen if I don't stay focused on the team and what WE are trying to ALL accomplish here.The engagement and discipline that the I Ho Chaun has installed in our training is cutting the path and making things on all sides alot more managable. The hardest challenge I have now is getting to the Sihing class. I know I am missing out and this bothers me alot. Which is why staying engaged is imperative and just how can I make this work. I just want to tell my boss to pound this job you know where. But then what have I learned and how am I going to excel in my career. Well I put forth a proposition on our scheduling and it sounds like it is a go. So thats one down. The other is the segregation of work, Kung Fu, and family. This is something I have been working on the last few weeks and what I have done is put my work and my Kung Fu together. I ended up working a 12 hour day yesterday and was becoming irritated as I knew there was no way I was going to get a single class in as I was stuck working under the Dawson bridge. So do you pout and be mad because you have to train at home and still eat etc. or do you walk and negotiate steel and bracing to the center of the bridge and do 100 p/u over the water as the sun shines down and the water is calm. If your going that far why not lock your legs under the wind bracing and do two sets of 50 s/u on the bottom chord with no ground to rest your back on. Those where cool and what a burn! After that why not do some form reps under the adbutment after you wrap up for the day and head home.
The point is I took advantage of a break and applied my Kung Fu. Family and Kung Fu are coming together also as my little one now trains at Silent River and we did p/u and s/u together tonight. When I get the chance I run with my wife or go for walks or bike rides my girls to rack up some kms. So we'll see how this works. Also things are now getting alot easier to manage now that everything is slowly becoming consolidated and its just fun dammit!

Brian Chervenka

A new level

My training as a whole has come to a rough patch of road and many blind corners that I will have to circumnavigate to remain on the path. Blind corners such as how I am going to attend Sihing class and remain true to my goals and accomplishments. I have taken on another job with another contractor that specializes in many technical and challenging aspects of my trade. There is also another aspect that I have not yet ventured. I have been given the responsibility of general foreman position on an up and coming job. This commitment and challenge will be alot of hours, like 7 days a week and 10-12 hour days. The good part is that it will be in the city, not in Ft. McMurray. Which really has no relevance because I don't believe in the oil sands or the destruction of the environment it causes, not too mention the shallow attempt to de skill tradesman by corporate greed so anyone can do anything and work for alot less money. In the corporate mind, we aren't worth a descent wage or conditions of dignity. I like to call these sort "sheeple" and I refuse to share or practice any of my skills that have been passed on to me from excellent tradesman that I have been trained under. I refuse to work up there, period.

The challenge of staying on track and getting to train has to take on a new or redefined discipline because once you are promoted to Sihing your on your own. You have to take the reigns and figure out how you are going to prepare for one of the great moments in your Kung Fu. How you are going to apply and memorize all your forms, techniques, and theory. Planning 5 techniques with a reliable partner, board breaking, and of course completing another year in the I Ho Chuan. I have started to prioratize certain aspects and I think I have a way I can attend Sihing class. One thing I know that is going to be hard is seeing the requests come on kwoon talk and not being there to help. Demo practices, monthly meetings and I Ho Chuan class. But really after trying my first attempt in the I Ho Chuan and in some ways failing and in others growing. I know it will all work out the way its supposed too. The challenge of balancing work, training, and family is pretty common for most of us and I witness success in many different ways on the team and learn something from each and everyone of you that has made a great impact on my life and my training and there is always someone to help you or needs help and I think perhaps this is why I am not really worried( too much!) about it.
But I have to step back and figure out which road to take and why.

Brian Chervenka

Two black stripes and the I Ho Chuan

Its been two days since my promotion to Sihing and I still have a plethora of mixed emotions. There is a presence of accomplishment, reflection, and the excitement of a new beginning. That night I stopped and reflected on memories of when I first started and to where I am now. Wow, what a trip its been. The demands of physical and mental loads, the awakening of awareness and the depletion of some of my stubborn ways and my lack of empathy for people I thought were at the end of their gene pool and not long for this world because the evolution for them is over. Training at the hall, doing forms and kicks in my basement or garage or wherever. The discipline of doing my homework, because I knew the minute my next class came whoever the Sifu was that was teaching at the time would know right away if I did or not. The attention to detail of our black belts is infallable, they know whether you did your homework or not and that kind of discipline for me was what I was trying to source at that time in my life when I first set foot in the kwoon and met Sifu Brinker for the first time. Kung Fu has given me so many tools to improve and has shown me how to completely utilize some I already had but not using to their full potential. Attending boot camps, throwing kicks and punches to the point of exhaustion. Introductions to many kinds of weapons. This is something I have always wanted to do but never followed through. But the best part of it all is the people I have met and trained with. Students I have watched and admired, respected and learnt from. Witnessing students go from Que belts to Sihings, to Black belts. Watching some of my teachers earning their second and third degree rank, seventh degree, was just plain cool. People at the kwoon are all from different walks of life and everyone is unique. I don't find shallow politics, self entitlement or judgemental practices. The ones I have seen with this sort of mind set usually don't make it period or realize it won't fly at the kwoon and evolve into something spectacular.

One of my personal goals this year was to achieve Sihing rank and this was accomplished by participating in the I Ho Chuan. This has done a huge amount of things for my training and I really didn't notice just how much until now. My ability to adapt to almost anything life throws at me and still get in something pertaining to the art and the huge amplification of engagement. Engagement that has matured my training past the point I thought was ever possible. I don't look at my training as rungs in a ladder that I am trying to climb. I see a long road ahead but can envision all my goals in the distance, all the way to grand master. I have a busy year coming up and I plan on grading next year. This is going to be a tough one due to a promotion and the hours that will be coming at me. Trying to make my class on fridays is already going to be a challenge, but I will figure something out. The attention to the mechanics of every technique, form, kicks, and fitness has given me a deep perspective to my Kung Fu. What exactly I'm doing and why. Why something sucks and how to fix it. The awareness to all the things going on in the world and what I can do to at least try to help and make other people see whats happening. Pulling me out of my privacy and share with others what I am thinking. Helping me realize its okay to ask for help and work with others. That it is not a sign of weakness, but an excellent opportunity to evolve into a better martial artist and person. As I look back and see how far I have come, and look ahead to where I am going. I know I will full fill my goals as I look down at two black stripes.

Brian Chervenka

A perspective and maybe a touch of analogy

TEAM. Total energy amongst many. In one way or another everyone is awesome in their own way, a multitude of gifts and strengths can smash all obstacles and is an extraordinary and lethal display of power and beauty. A group of people or a group of inanimate objects work as many to become one. The higher the number, the greater the efficiency. There is no weakness when an effort and dignity is practiced on a professional and committed basis. There is no reason to hide or think things will just go away when you are part of group that operates in a non judgemental and helping way. Because it won't go away and when you have many eyes looking for you, you will be found and you will have to stand up and take responsibility for your actions and speak up to what exactly the problems are. You will not be forgotten until you put your puzzle in the middle of the room and let  many hands help put it together and bring closure to the outline of what the picture is supposed to be. You won't be removed due to other people, That is a responsibility that will and should not be made by others . But by you. Regardless of what one might think, this challenge can be done by anyone and its never too late to pick up where you left off,  because its your challenge. But don't forget you also committed to 21 other people that you are ignoring. 21 other people that are covering your ass and carrying your weight and not even getting as much as an email or post. We have highly committed members that have spent most of this challenge out of town and away from the kwoon and their families and we know where their at and what they are doing and we have their backs. Where the heck are the rest of you and what are you doing? We have members that live a stones throw away that I haven't even seen or know if they are still participating. I'm not perfect nor have I lived up to all the commitments but I am maintaining an online presence and doing everything I absolutely can to finish with some dignity and respect to the challenge and the I Ho Chaun. Most people know where I am at and what I am doing and I refuse to slap them in the face. Tonight after class Sifu Brinker spoke to us and said something that hit home. He said "I'm the one who has failed" Now that really pissed me off alot because thats how deep the man cares for his students, and thats how much he wants to see all of us better ourselves. Thats how much he has offered to help. Well I'm not going to kick him in the nuts and walk away. And no, this is not a ass kissing statement, I don't roll like that. What you see is what you get, I call it like I see it, and my word is my signature. I will be at that meeting tomorrow and I will also use every available moment I have to work and help with anybody that wants to hang and do some Kung Fu. I will post whenever I can get away and train and will accept any offer I can participate in.  Some may feel who the heck does this guy think he is? Well I'll tell you, I'm a student that trains at silent river kung fu, I am a brown belt and I made a commitment to 21 others that I care about and a challenge I intend to honour.
 A part of a machine that fails can be compensated by others for a while until a quick maintenance can be performed. A part that refuses to fit due to improper composition or is not structurally sound or perhaps the partsman won't even take the order or call you back is going to cause a major breakdown that will require many replacements and in some cases severe mechanical failure. Then a major rebuild is required. Everyone of us on this team is responsible for a part of the I Ho Chuan machine. Think about it.
Brian  Chervenka