Drop of A Hat.....

 Well another year of pursuing mastery and all my tools and goals are a scattered mess on the floor and I'm not sure where to start picking the pieces up. Things change quick sometimes and other things change so slow you don't even notice. This years intention seems to be hiding from me and is not providing any clues as to where it might be heading or hiding for that matter. So many distractions are a part of my being, always have been, but there was never an issue hunting down a target and being committed and focused to achieve the goal or reach the destiny. As it sits right now I feel like I'm standing in the middle of an open field and I can't see a damn thing.

As of late everything just fell away because the only thing that mattered to me was my girls. We never saw it coming because we took every single pre caution necessary for a year now. Everything we were told to do, we did. Vigilance never relaxed in our home. We carried on just like we were supposed to. I've been all over this province for the last year maintaining the resistance and not succumb, as has my wife and daughter. We were living our lives as normal as we could during these times. Next thing you know, my daughter has Covid and the virus found it's way into our home. 

The news my daughter tested positive hit me hard. I couldn't sleep that night. Every single noise woke me up, listening for a cough or cry for help, anything. Looking at how sick she was opened up the realities for sure. So I went and had test done, negative. But because I was in close contact, mandatory 14 day quarantine...dammit. Masked up in the house, sterilizing everything in site, and washing my hands to the point of raw. 2 days later my wife got it, now both isolated to their rooms and me to the downstairs. My wife was sick, like really sick. Now's not the time to be weak and self centered about the whole thing....or anything for that matter. If this virus wants to fight, no problem, it picked the wrong family....we are going to mess it up ugly.

So I worked throughout the days from home, taking care of my girls was the only thing that really mattered to me. I really struggled at times, watching the news, reading the papers, watching all these stupid dipshits running around with no masks, gathering in groups, saying it's all a hoax. Spreading the virus around, killing our elderly and infecting others through self centered ignorance. It was hard to not wish this virus killed the stupid, they are at the end of their gene pool anyway, no hope for evolution here as it's reached the end. I honestly thought at the time we would be much better off if that were the case. I guess it doesn't really make me that much better in the whole scheme of things, but it sure helped me maintain a position of strength and focus. We all use different tools to succeed I guess.

Fortunately I saw the life come back to my daughter day by day, at times hour by hour. The smile, the color, the smart ass wit...nice. One down, one to go. A few days later my wife started to come around. A huge wave of relief came over me last night when I heard that patented laugh that comes from my wife when she is truly happy. It looks as though we have reached the end of the war on the intruder and I am truly grateful. I'm still feeling good, but who knows, that's the treachery of this enemy, it could be in your presence and you don't even know it. I'll get tested this week and if all is well our lives will continue as they once were a little over a week and a half ago. 

One thing is for certain, this gave me the opportunity I needed to remind myself why I train and why I keep fighting to keep Kung Fu front and center. Why I don't give up. How I am reminded of it's tenacity to stay a part of me and the power it instills even though I am not aware of it all the time. This moment gave me some clarity and reason, another hidden opportunity, as to what I need to do get back on track and find a new path to cut. I've reached a point where all I need to see here is done, time to move on. Time to gather different tools and pursue a new environment, a new challenge and end game that must be a good distance away, but short, sometimes hidden goals as well to keep things in check. The past can do nothing further and the future is unknown.

So what does this have to do with Kung Fu? Everything. The drop of a hat things can change our lives. The drive to power and think through this and take on the leadership and challenge when facing risk for the better of others is martial arts. To see this as opportunity to strengthen ones position and impose defeat on a challenge while remaining committed and focused is martial arts. To reach depths of the inner soul and extract the knowledge and apply it and share the wisdom with others is martial arts. I'm starting to see a lot more things in the field now, best move along and start the journey....the path won't cut itself and mastery waits for no one. 

Intent

This word has come up quite often during classes and discussions with our Sifus'. To me consistent and repetitive mention of words or actions from our instructors usually signifies a hint to something we either need to apply or work towards an understanding of it's importance in our Kung Fu training and growth. Intention is something I've always recognized as a part of the 6 harmonies when it came to training at first, but as things started to advance I now see that intention is everything in the moment no matter where I am or what I am doing  It's not about something I see myself doing when the time is right, or thinking of it's application as selective. It's about that very moment, what I intend to do with the execution of that action and see it through. I've also held a misconception of intention through reaction by including intuition and instinct as similarities, but in actuality they are all entirely different. One is emotional, one is a guess, and one is entirely pure.

A while back I was working on figuring out a way to apply the mechanics of Kung Fu to all that I do whether it be movements at work or when I am practicing the art. My work was messing up my centering and causing tension in my movements that was affecting my flow. I was shooting for efficiency and overthinking the whole process by trying to combine the two and it just seemed to make things worse. I knew deep down that it's literally impossible to combine it all, but I thought I would try anyway.

Then during a Black Belt class Sifu was talking about intention and light bulbs lit up all over the place. What is your intention when your doing your forms or techniques? It then dawned on me that is just that simple. This is the efficiency and focus I was looking for. Whether it be Kung Fu or work, the intention is to perform the act with focus and quality and to see it through to completion, there is a direct purpose, like you mean it. The movements and grounding, the energy, the body and mind know what to do and how to adapt through this type of focused repetition and it then becomes pure intention.

So I have been approaching everything as of late with this mindset. I not just going through the motions mindlessly or doing things for the sake of doing things. I am able to differentiate my alignments and actions to what it is I am doing. When I am swinging my axe or doing my forms there is the intention of defeating my opponent or defending myself with purpose and the rotation and definition is of quality and effective. I want to insure my stances and strikes are solid and grounded. Although it has taken some adjustment and practice transitioning into some forms, I absolutely love the new bow because the intention and purpose is already built in. From the time you compress, align the quadrants, and settle into your center you know right away if the form is going to suck right away or not and I feel like I could smash through a wall.

I have had another successful dangling board break with a left ridge hand technique. This break was a second to four parts of a long term goal I have. My intention and purpose of this goal is to better understand the mechanics and application of Kung Fu, to unlock it's power both physically and mentally. Although I am still working on the original configuration, last weekend Sifu Brinker suggested a different stance. It was change up on the fly and I was a little uncertain but prior to breaking I focused on what I intended to do, the stance, to the rotation, to the grounding and focusing on the power from the center out, I busted through first try and it felt awesome and let me know I was on track. The thing is though it probably wouldn't have went so well if it wasn't for me following through on what I intended to do. So that's where things are at right now in this area of my Kung Fu. Sorry for the absence Rats, more to come soon and catch everybody up on things. 

All or Nothing

In one way or another we all have some sort of mental defect or challenge. Nobody is exempt from it wether we want to admit it or not. I think the toughest part is actually identifying it to some degree and then admitting it to ourselves and having the courage to work with it. That's not always easy though because a lot of times we are in denial about the situation or believe we have a handle on it or we don't even recognize it until it catches up to us. Sometimes we don't want to see it or even consider it a problem because of the stigma that comes with even the mention of a mental issue or challenge. We believe that if we are carrying on in our daily lives in a productive manner, there is nothing obvious or common symptoms and we have the ability take care of our family along the way, then it's all good...right. No actually, not so much.

I know for me my issue is being a full blown workaholic and what this brings is a all or nothing mentality. From when I was young growing up on the farm, to my years  in the oil patch, to the construction industry you, worked until the job was done. No matter how much time it took or how many days consecutive. The focus was the work always and even during this time quality was drilled into my head. If you screwed it up, you fix it and make it right. You focus and commit to what you set out to do. You didn't screw the pooch either and you best use your brain along the way as well and good enough is never part of the equation. Now this is all fine and these experiences have built me a very stable career and I apply these characteristics to all that I do. But what happens when it becomes the only mindset in everything you do.

As much as I thought I was a good multitasker and achieving balance was no issue, I really suck at it. I can multitask and balance things, streamline them and discover all kinds of insight. I am highly productive, committed and focused and not scared to work at something until I complete it but only when it involves whatever I am currently involved in. I didn't even really realize it until these past few weeks when my training structure flew apart and I'm scrambling to pick up the gears of excellence that are flung all over the place. I stopped and said to myself, what the hell just happened.

Back when the pandemic shut down began I had the time to soley restore and work on my Kung Fu. Everyday I would train and at times I would spend hours on certain aspects to get it right. I was having fun and making great progress in my training and my list of priorities where on track. I thought finally I am going to have this balance in training and all aspects of my life because that's what I set out to do this year. This is going to be freaking awesome.

The thing is I didn't realize it at the time but I was already in all or nothing mode. I thought I had it dialed in strong enough to where when work started I would be able to bring this with me and I felt I was walking into the balance I set out to find for this year. Then work started, summer came, commitments to my family came and of course lifes surprises. Slowly as I continued at completing what I set out to do and hold that balance but it was starting to slip.

 Then all or nothing started up again and I found myself rather than finishing up whatever was left the next day or chipping away at it a little at a time, dropping what I was doing to make the time for my training I would go at it or do whatever until it was done. My levels of priorities became distorted and pretty soon I was up late at night and looking at the time, okay I have a few minutes to do some puch ups and sit ups, maybe form rep or two, the rest I'll catch in the morning before I leave. Pretty soon the late nights were catching up and I would work hard all day and work hard at whatever I felt was more important. Then my morning reps became less and then eventually none. Now I have to catch up on it all after work and I would go until it was done. Pretty soon I was burnt out and my daily training became less and less and I was working when I originally thought I wasn't going to be. I have incomplete blogs in my draft and I haven't been able to touch my weapon for weeks.

This is where the all or nothing workaholic in me loses perspective on the important things and things become distorted. This is where I start to shed what I believe is not priority and I begin to beat myself up because I am failing or can't complete what I set out to do. Everything else is more important and this is a luxury I can no longer make time for. This is where I put everyone elses needs ahead of mine because I think if I don't meet these other commitments I am being selfish. Normally about this time in the past I would start to lose site of what is really important and make up the excuse that I just don't have the time to do this and just disappear. This action is not healthy and all it does is make me regret things more and make me angry and that is  never good.

Well I'm not going to repeat this again and I have the means to make it right before I lose site of my goals. I have to pull the reigns in and take back control of what's mine and use the tools and advice I have been given. My training may not have been as productive as I would like, but it never stopped this time and the quest for quality is always there. I have my book with me at all times as a reminder and a tool to keep the balance front and center. It's okay to say no sometimes. I have contacted someone I have trained with in the past and we will keep each other engaged, a success coach to be exact, because this can't be done successfully on my own. I can forgive myself when I mess stuff up. It's okay to stop and make the time for what's important and hold my comittments.I have teachers to reach out to anytime when I need help. I will get a handle on my all or nothing mentality and find that balance. I will go to the Kwoon whenever possible and meet with my team instead of getting soley involved in one thing until it's done...it will still be there when I get back.

So this is my struggle and I will see it through to a better me, a healthier me and a whole different lifestyle because as it sits all or nothing doesn't work and that's the chink in my armour. It sure feels good to say that and a plan to move forward to make Kung Fu my balance no matter what I am doing may just be in sight after all. I guess we will see what it all brings. See you at the Kwoon.

Martial Artist to D9 Cat

I have had a lot of struggles the last while in working towards balancing my occupational physical movements with my Kung Fu movements. As much as I have tried to integrate it and come to some sort of realistic balance between the two, needless to say they don't seem to want to get along. Which is all the more reason why practicing my forms and expanding my Kung Fu has to remain imperative on a daily basis. I also have to avoid becoming frustrated and loose the end result along the way or jeopardize the quality as well. Patience and discipline are key I think.

To give you an idea of my situation most things I work with are heavy and there is a consistent demand of strength. A task that requires a strength demand to lift, hold or stabilize while in motion, access to the point, and periodic static positioning all while under load. Basically picking something heavy up, carrying it, and holding it in place. Then whatever tools are necessary to complete the work I have to hang on to them and possibly use more strength to work them. If I'm working at heights I have to hang on to something while I work the tools so more physical demand is required. Also when all of these activities take place I load the body up slowly to avoid injury. Think of revving an engine to full RPM and dropping the clutch, your bound to grenade something.

Now the Kung Fu aspect of strength in motion and movement. Typically the goal is very little strength is required until you need it. Nothing is preloaded to execute the technique with the exception of holding a weapon perhaps until you complete definition of execution. But even then when you move the weapon and your body the idea is to remain light and transitional movements are performed with a full body balance, like the first part of the six harmonies and the center is the source of it all. Moving from stance to stance your feet or rotation is performed from sliding on the heels and ball of the foot and you are compressed or settled the whole time.

Now at work if I tried to apply these aspects of Kung Fu, I would be dropping tools and materials all over the place or they would be flying out of my hands. I would probably blow out my back or knees and consistently trip and fall down carrying something. While operating an industrial impact gun I would turn my arm into something that resembles a twizzler. When I apply my work movements to Kung Fu it's like my axe suddenly weighs 100lbs and I'm trying to drive it through a bank vault. When I move I am so tense that my flow and speed go completely out the window and there is a smart car on my back. When I punch or kick it's like I am demolishing a house with my hands and feet.  My Kung Fu goes from the center out to all upper body or I dispatch so much energy to my legs that I begin rising and falling during transitions. So I really have to calm the mind and pay more attention to the details which I am trying to avoid so my Kung Fu becomes involuntary instinct rather than mindful dispatch....the list goes on but I know I can make it happen.

It's not all messed up though and I am working towards a solution. Like I had mentioned in a previous post about programmed muscle memory I know where the problem lies and what the causes are, I just have to put in the time and keep telling my body to work from the center out and to some degree I'm slowly developing this and it is helping. The biggest struggle I have right now is putting in the time. I have so many distractions right now and another big issue is my working mindset contradicts my Kung Fu mindset everyday. My biggest issue is the separation from all or nothing to achieving a healthy and sustainable balance. That's another post though.

Journaling

It has been mentioned several times over the years during I Ho Chuan classes and meetings I have attended that one of the most critical tools for success on the quest for mastery is our journaling. It is the absolute minimum requirement, a perfect tool to asssit with accountability and engagement. A lot of problems or issues an individual may face during the course of their journey or troubleshooting things can be exposed or repaired through consistant journaling. A measure for success, personal discovery and insight through our Kung Fu. Our fails and how we dealt with it and how we grew from the experience. A tool to help ourselves and others along the way. It provides the abilility to let everyone know where we are at or where we are not. Nobody on a crew should be left alone or forgotten, we all struggle from time to time and need a helping hand or a swift kick.

We have all heard from experience that if your not journaling, your not training or engaged. I didn't really buy into it at the time or honestly give it a chance because I didn't see the value or apply the tool as it was meant to be used. I tried to justify this misconception, or I'll be even more honest my stubborness. I would use every reason or excuse I could find. I would say that I am a private person, (which to a strong degree I am, but that is irrelevant to the prurpose.) I would say to myself I have nothing to journal about, I don't have time, etc, etc. I thought that in order to have a successful year you just train and stay on the path. Little did I realize at the time that our journals are the path, they are one of the primary tools for success. You could say the perfect sound board to some degree.

Up until this year I never fully embraced the mindset or appreciated the tool, and it showed. Sometimes it takes me a while to get it or maybe even go as far to say acceptance to something that is designed to help, but requires change or the need to come out of the comfort zone. I think I get it now....it just took a few years! When it comes to journaling I can only speak for myself here but this year a lot of light bulbs lit up as ventured down the path and made some discoveries and insights to my Kung Fu. In fact a recent challenge gave me some very sound proof to the value of journaling because I applied the tool as it was meant to be and it was working great. Then I started to slip a bit and not journal and as a result so did my discipline and focus.

The last few weeks have been tough, weird hours, lot's going on at home, working hard all day in the heat, really, really....really crappy drivers on the road, and not much left at the end of the day. Because of my weird hours and other areas of my life currently I haven't made it to the Kwoon yet since it re opened. I'm not getting in the amount of training I want and that time for me to escape the day and do my Kung Fu is becoming less. I started to get down on myself about it and angry about things. But then I thought about it, hold the phone man, what's missing? These last few weeks are no different than the previous two. I might only be getting in a little bit of training but I'm training consistantly and the quality holds....then it occured to me, my journaling.

I have missed sealing off the last two weeks with a journal and I finally realize the value. My tool for engagement and assurance that I am moving forward is missing. That journal that marks my progress and helps me keep the discipline alive and the goal in my sights is not part of where I am at. My teachers or team mates have no idea where I am at, so now I am doing this alone. That record that assures me I am committed to see this through and Kung Fu is here with me solid. It's that hand that reaches out and says things are cool, forgive yourself and smarten up. It might not be so exciting for others, but for me this was a really cool moment of clarity because I know this year I am doing things right and still managing to grab that gear when the clutch slips. Where I am at and what I am doing is a whole lot of alright. I just need to keep using my tools and believe in something I am not used to putting faith in. My journals will keep me committed to my Kung Fu, the I Ho Chuan crew, and of course my Sifu's. See you at the Kwoon. 

Consistency of Action

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of activity and keeping up my training has been a challenge. In fact there are times where it's a tough go. With a 6am start at work my day begins at 4 am, 30 mins of meditation, pound out some push ups and sit ups and maybe a form rep or two and out the door I go. When I get home I do my best to make the most of my time after work, tend to whatever needs tending, and complete the last of my training before I have to hit the bricks earlier than usual. My work is physical and we go wide open so it's like I get paid to work out and it keeps me in shape. But I won't deny there are days that I am beat like a rented mule and really don't want to do much of anything. I say to myself that I can catch up tomorrow, then the precedence of excuse has been set and now it's okay to put it off and lower the priority. The excuse becomes easier to use and I don't want that to happen. It needs to remain a priority but also stay fun and remain that escape I look forward too. Life happens though and there are days that training will be missed or less productive. That's a lot different than just saying I don't feel like it. As it has been mentioned before, "If you don't feel like training, train anyway!" I really like that saying and it does inspire me even though there are times I want to say how about pound it, but I make it happen anyway.

The main driving force though is I don't want to lose the momentum and progress I have made lately and I want to see through my goal of consistent discipline. I have been working very hard on the changing of priorities because I know me and I know that the discipline is fragile when it comes to me working. So I have been working hard to strengthen that and not beat myself up if things go South. Keep on it and have fun doing it.

The good part is right now I'm just a guy that shows up, performs the work in a productive, efficient manner and goes home. I'm not managing the project and all that comes with it. Frankly it's awesome to just shut the switch off for the day and not be concerned with much else. That could change at any time if I get the call. So this is exactly why I need to keep things rolling along together and why it's so important for me to remain engaged in the approach I have been taking. 

All this time off to soley focus on Kung Fu and the betterment of my approach has done me wonders for clarity and a deep look inside, a step back. The discoveries and progress myself and others have made thus far keeps me engaged. I feel better physically and mentally and take a much better balanced perspective towards things.

Although, like everybody else, I have been training virtually this past while, I feel a deep restoration with my teachers, students, and the school. The one on ones have been critical for those times when you need the help and I am very grateful for that.

I don't really say much but the members on the team have really added to the purpose and have helped me a lot as well. I've met some new faces and watched some really amazing people do some really amazing things which helps keep me inspired as well. The attitudes, personalities, and compassion are the best and the unique individualism of every ones Kung Fu is amazing. This I Ho Chuan team has been one of the strongest and skilled I have seen or had the privilege to train with in some time. There is no need to struggle or falter on engagement or lapse on commitment, it's automatic at this point because of the people in this class. Thanks to you all. I just hope I can keep it this way when things get really busy for me when other things come in to play. See you at the Kwoon!

Programmed Muscle Memory

Muscle memory to me is just as powerful as thought memory and this is determined by action that simply becomes involuntary, like blinking your eyes or breathing. You don't have to think about it, it just happens. The same could be said for repetitive actions when performing day to day activities. Once the task begins your body reacts and moves on it's own and away we go due to continuous repetitive movements. Programmed muscle memory is great because we can include thought, or not, while going about our business and this provides the ability to change on the fly, or options needed. It can however, be detrimental to martial arts progress and requires a lot of repetitions to correct....like a lot. They seem to have very strong memories and when programmed for years become very stubborn to change. You change things up but they always seem to go back to the original train of action. This is where the hard work through repetitions comes in.

I noticed this past week while practicing my forms and heavy bag work, and especially my axe, that I am using more upper body again and I'm becoming tense while transitioning. I know exactly why, programmed muscle memory. As said before I am working on a bridge and it is bull work and for 20 years as an Ironworker the upper body and the legs are used steady, but there is no connection between the two such as the center we utilize in Kung Fu. So the go to for years has been the upper body and that has always reflected in my Kung Fu when I started to train in the art.

My muscle memory has reverted back to what it knows and how to adapt to the change of familiar repetitive action. I have been training quite a bit the last while basing everything from the center out, but a few weeks of bull work has knocked me back a few steps.

The good part to all of this though is because of all the training and repetitions I have managed to get in and the growth of awareness in relation to my Kung Fu lately, I have already started to reprogram and the base is created. If I can start to train myself to base everything from the center out, not just in my Kung Fu, but in my work as well; then my Kung Fu will be with me at all times and the reprogramming of muscle memory will succeed. If I can move and react this way and practice this repetition through this thought and action it will become natural. I really my theory works because at the moment my body doesn't know what to do or think!

The last few days of the week I did my best to start all actions from the center out. For example when I'm working off girders or angel wings swinging a sledge while driving drift pins, using my wrenches and sleever bar or on the grounding picking up steel and throwing it around, packing timbers or whatever else comes into the picture. It's kind of neat actually once I started to introduce it all together. It may be a long shot but I guess we'll see what this upcoming week brings.

One last thing to mention also was the amazing Kung Fu I witnessed yesterday while watching the Tiger Challenge. All of the students that have adapted their Kung Fu to the limited space and modifying their forms so they could compete in tight quarters was beyond impressive. Some have been learning most of it on line and that in itself is incredible, good on you all. I'd have to say no one skipped a beat and the individual signatures, dedication and hard work was pretty damn cool as well. But none of this would happen if it weren't for our Sifu's that are so commited to the school, the success of it's students, and the art. They found a way to make it happen, rolled the dice and took the risk to hold a virtual tournament. As far as I know nobody tried this, awesomeness indeed. Thanks to you all for your time and efforts, they are beyond appreciated. See you on the screen.