One of Those Days

You ever have one of those days where you feel like the right thing to do is pick up a truck and throw it through a house. If anyone or anything pisses you off, you either smash it or burn it to the ground from the fire that comes out of your mouth.

I'm having one of these days today and I want to share it.

I'm concerned right now with where I am at with my Kung Fu. I had the full intention of making more time for training and achieving something that means alot to me. I swore I would not take on big hour jobs and in the beginning of the year thats exactly how it was going. Then opportunitys came up and here I am, doing exactly what I didn't want to and as a result my training has suffered. I'm tired and angry because at the moment I feel like my training is too little, too late.
This job wasn't supposed to be the complete shit show it is. I was supposed to be here and gone in 6 weeks, not 2 damn months.  I was supposed to be back at the kwoon attending every class I could, preparing for grading. Instead I'm up here trying to get a job done that was doomed from the get go. I mean don't get me wrong, there has been many challenges thrown my way and we have prevailed. But I feel like there is no way in hell I will be ready. Between that and out of touch, head up their ass bean counters asking why we are not done yet, after emails explaining the situation, with pictures of the multitude of challenges we face daily, they still have to mention we are over our field hours and when are you going to be done. Gee, Yah think we're over hours and I don't have a clue when we are going to be done because things are changing daily around here, some days by the hour! I hate the fact that bean counters run everything now a days. So out of touch with anything beyond the numbers no matter how much proof you put in front of their faces.
Things will get better I'm sure. I'll just have to forge ahead and keep working towards my goals and maybe get a good nights sleep. Tomorrow is a new day, I just hope I didn't waste another year because I once again became tied up in my work.

9000 RPM, No clutch

I'm having a really hard time this last while getting in any kind of decent training. I'm in a management scum position but it's a little different this project. It's a small project that has a lot to it with limited man power. So I'm not just in the office, but I'm also out in the trenches with the crew. After a long day it's hard to get motivated and sleep is not a myth.I want to get out and do something, and I try to, but the hearts not in it because I'm beat. I am getting something done, but not as much as I want or need to. Working every day, all day, for days on end and then training caught up to me. Although burnt, I continue until I have to rest. This is nothing new to me, it's happened before and I'm sure it willen again. It's discouraging though, you build a descent momentum and your focus is as sharp as a razor, endurance is picking up, your Kung Fu is becoming more and more defined and then boom. Your face first in the dirt.

There was a time when I would build a resentment towards my training and blame the I Ho Chuan program for all of this fatigue and time taken away from other things I wanted to do. I don't really do that any more. Instead I look at what is really going on. It's not the program and it's requirements that makes me angry, it's the simple fact that I work alot and I don't take the time I should be for my own interests. On the other hand, I have goals and responsibilitys. I have Kung Fu goals, career goals, financial goals, and responsabilitys to my girls and to my self that must be ful filled. Tough balance sometimes, but the show must go on. I'll just continue to do what I can and adapt along the way.

One last note I did manage to get home for just a couple of days to see my girls. I missed them so much and my little one didn't know I was coming so it was pretty cool.       Also we have one of our own up here on the job so I have been working with him a little on the curriculumn and trying some of my personal techniques. With any luck I'll have something put together. I haven't forgot about sending out some forms, so they will be coming soon. I will send you my first set and then I will send you another to see if there was any improvement. You'll have to bare with me though I messed up in a few spots and ended going into another form. Whatever, you'll see.