Sustainability

This is an area over the last year that has been a huge challenge for me. If you picture three columns, one representing Kung Fu, one representing work, and finally family/personal life, it would be a site to behold. Two of the three fluctuate between 6-8 ft. but one you would see towering above at about 50 ft. and rising, that is a huge imbalance. An imbalance that has been reeving havoc on me and making it very difficult to try to maintain. Things left behind, demanded priorities out of my control that have taken my full attention and focus or have been either hog tied and thrown into a corner or pinned to my back and multiplying at an accelerating rate. I am no stranger to this and have fought and scratched my way through it all and remained standing.

This last while I had to even up the imbalance, it had to be done. I have no issues adapting to whatever falls into my path, but you can only carry on this way for so long before you have to fix it and make it right. You can either have a serious meltdown and do something stupid out of purely irrational thoughts or make some temporary sacrifices to make it right. I chose the latter. I took a hold of an opportunity and ran with it. My job finished recently and my family priorities have settled, it was time to knock down over 100 items that have been on hold, am I am not overly exaggerating on this. I closed the door on everything and everybody this last while in order to regain the control of my situation that has been slipping for sometime now. Without going into fine details about it all, I can confidently say I have left a pile of carnage behind me and feel good about everything. Those three columns at the moment are fluctuating in unison and I am in a good place. I am ready for just about anything or if I'm not, I have the space to adjust, adapt and overcome. Just like it is supposed to be. Positive thoughts and restoration of complete control over my life is in motion. I am not constantly fighting and being pulled around by events and situations because I have cleared the clutter and my mind, and most importantly my closest and dearest friend, my wife, is healing very well. That has been my first and foremost priority. The smoke is cleared so it's back on the path full speed ahead.

 I have received news of two tragedies that have occurred recently and rather than think about how this will effect me, I looked at how this is going to effect them and others around them and just how I am going to help. Never take anything for granted, because you could blink and it will be gone, that and there are people with far more issues than anybody is this country would ever see or understand. Stopping and looking at what you have and being grateful for it is key and that's where I am at.

Finally, I want you guys on the team to understand I am well aware that I have been carried by you for sometime now. I don't think I am special or my life is way harder than yours, or I am entitled to a break because of my situations. I struggle with asking for help and I am a private person, my problems are my problems and I will deal with them, that's it. However I do realize the selfishness and the effects of some of my actions on the team and have no problem being accountable to them. That's easy to say but doing something about it through action is just as important. So I will do just that.  My contributions have been minimal as has been my presence. I have sacrificed my integrity on a few fronts and have probably installed question to as where I am at, and what the hell I am doing. I get that. Some of you may understand, some of you may not. I get that too. This will all change very soon. I am on a fresh start with new direction, rebuilt focus and determination, a new job that is going to be awesome, and some killer training on the rise. I have achieved something that I didn't think I was going to see for sometime, but continuing to fight, adapt and prioritize and restore control of my life and direction has lead me to sustainability. See you at the kwoon.