Changing My Perspective, Part 1

This blog is a straight forward and completely honest view and perspective that I have held and my struggles. My intention is to not be disrespectful or hamper any ones goals or intentions for success. I have witnessed huge successes and I am humbled by many martial artists on this team. So please don't take any of this personally because it's not about you or me. It's about question and repair. It's about seeking knowledge to share and to overcome a valley. It is simply a written experience of where I was at last year and some of the things I struggle with in the I Ho Chuan and hopefully after putting it all out there, I can succeed and move on to the next level of my training with the help of others. Because as it sits and where I am going, it could be a thing of the past and I really don't want that. I am in the process of moving forward to a highly succesful year in all aspects of my life, but mostly a restoration in my passion as a SRKF student. I want to complete this year on the right path and roll into the next one as more of a leader and be the example of how you can get through a I Ho Chuan program no matter what your lifestyle. A meeting would be the most ideal place to address these points, but as it sits, my work schedule has prevented that. The only way I am going to move forward and become a great Black Belt, is to remove the resentments, calm the ignorance, remove the blame, and evolve my somewhat defiance and stubborness, into strength and understanding. To see the balance that was once the core of all my strength. To ask for help, and that in itself is very difficult for me. This blog will be in two parts as it will make more sense and it would probaly end up to be about two feet long. So I will begin with some struggles and lack of understanding.

Well here it goes. I have a total of, I would boldly say about a 95% absence from the I Ho Chuan this year and its meetings. I have made very little contributing factors towards the team and my training this year as it would seem. If it was up to me as the administrator for the team, I would vote me off the island. In all honesty, I wasn't even going to sign up for the I Ho Chuan this past year. With my continuous unpredictable work schedule and my resentful views of the whole thing, I had no interest in running myself into the ground and becoming more and more distant from something not long ago I was very passionate about. As I strived for success, I was under a continuous realm of higher failure rates than success and struggling to find the time to balance work, family, Kung Fu, and my own personal reset time. I tried numerous times to explain the situation but it seemed very few could comprehend this type of lifestyle. That is until a few people on the team suddenly started working everyday and suddenly had no time either and ran themselves into the dirt or much like myself, stopped showing up or contributing.

I was told the program is designed for people in these situations, I was led to believe that not following through on the program and not succeeding is just being mediocre. In an angry mindset, I thought, "Wow!, I'm mediocre!, I've made it this far without the program and seem to fare out just fine." How about let's trade for a month. I guarantee this, very few could carry water for me when it comes to work ethic or how I lead myself and all that is a part of me through a number of things. Running on exhaustion and difficult paths and still moving forward is something I continue to do. I knew how to do that just fine without the I Ho Chuan. Who are you to dictate to me how I should run my life and drop everything I am doing to spend 6 days a week at the kwoon. Who are you to tell me to quit my job or give up overtime in order to facilitate the I Ho Chuans agenda? Who are you to tell me to give up time with my family or miss events as it should be viewed as investment, not sacrifice. Is the I Ho Chuan program going to set me up for retirement? Is the I Ho Chuan going to promote and advance my career? Is the I Ho Chuan going to pay my bills? Is the I Ho Chuan going to be there for my wife or children? Since there is very little I outsource, is the I Ho Chuan going to do all my work at home or other items I have to maintain or repair and spend upwards of 10 to 12 hours a day, 7 days a week at work and pull all of this off?

Nobody gets left behind I was told. Nobody is forgotten, and if someone is struggling, we have to reach back and pull them up. People have been left behind and not held accountable for their lack of engagement, like myself and others with similiar lifestyles or personal struggles. Two graduations when it came time for pictures to be taken at the end, nobody seemed to recall I wasn't there. It's not the picture, I could care less about that. It's the principal of the I Ho Chuan that is not reflected here. Nobody get's left behind and we will watch out for all team members.....that didn't happen and that's the point.

 How is doing the same exercise 50,000 times going to better me when all it's really doing is promoting injury? How are you going to have any kind of longevity as a martial artist when you are wearing out your joints prematurely and increasing your chances of injury tenfold. How is doing the same form over and over again to the point of boredom going to increase my engagement? Why is it that honesty or logging a view or a struggle is immediately placed in the positive/negative debate. How can you possibly come to a conclusion or push through an obstacle publically when you are told how to write? Why do I have to put myself out on social media when I don't want too. There are things and people of my past that I left in the past for a reason. I have severed them for good reason and putting myself out there defeats that purpose. Before Google plus decided to change their website, I had over 100,000 views. That concerned me a bit for the very reasons I have stated. That, and I honestly don't know what the heck was so interesting. How is being allowed to disappear and not being held accountable going to help anyone or the team?

These are some views I have with the program. This is troubling side of things for me. The part I can't seem to comprehend or justify. My struggles.

Part 2 will be about how this very same program I seem to dislike, was the most powerful tool I had that got me through a very dark and troubling year.