Vulnerbilities

In one way or another, each and everyone of us has a weak link or soft spot in our armour. Many claim to carry a coat of armour that is impenetrable, but I honestly believe that leans more to desensitization or denial to face your shortcomings. They are more scared than anything about how others see them, but yet boast of rootless and hollow life knowledge. I have no time for these types. I do however have all the time in the world and hold high admiration to those that expose the inner challenges and choose to face them head on. That takes courage  and also displays strong character and massive inner confidence. A seed that just simply needs to be planted and nurished, that through dedication and tolerance to themselves will grow into a 300 ft. redwood. I also learn a valuable lesson, as we all should,  from those who hold admittance and practice with discipline, tools that have been provided to them through consultation of experience and respect to that source. I honestly believe practicing martial arts with respect and passion will solidify any vulnerbilities and turn it into something extrodinary instead of a vulnerbility.

Move like a Cat

I was just thinking how I move like a cat, a caterpillar D9 that is. That's pretty much how I view myself during my amateur hour attempt at Tai Chi and many other aspects of my Kung Fu. It's not always this graceful though! I'm just glad Sifu Dennis or Sifu Vantuil hasn't had to view this slaughter of a fine art.

Every since last years boot camp when I was introduced to a number of internal Kung Fu training such as walking meditation, Tai Chi, and something I was never exposed too, Nygong,(spelling?) I was hooked, But I was intrigued and some what surprised at the feelings and results of that day. The internal power and burning sensation of actually feeling Chi to that level was something that was amazing and I hope by years end I can dispatch and utilize my Chi as necessary and into more aspects of my Kung Fu. I have felt it since but not to that level.... yet.

I feel I am getting closer though as it has come around more often the last while during form reps and during my caterpillar D9 Tai Chi. Some days I really connect with it while doing clouded hands?? The physical part of the six harmonies are in check, when my hands start to tingle and my weight transfers are feeling perfect, it's something I can't really describe but I do know this much, I feel light as a feather, but have the power to pick up a truck and throw it. I really enjoy the intensity of my mind at this time. I am relaxed but extremely focused. I am in touch with every sound, every movement around me and am ready to react if I had to, but not in a tense way, when I'm there I could shatter a bolder if it was thrown at me, but my mind wouldn't flinch, back to calm. Overall it's pretty damn cool. Other times I look like I am having a seizure and there is absolutely no connection to anything, and nothing is working in unison. Oh well, all on the quest for mastery and the depths of old school Kung Fu. See you at the Kwoon.

Somethings Not Right

Let's start with the doctor stuff. Turns out the last while the meds I have been prescribed are having zero effect and so that means my thyroid is doing nothing but hanging out having a nap. That would explain a number of things that have been going very wrong. I have had to really push myself to keep moving forward. When I feel like this, I push anyway, but when I stop I could easily fall asleep while standing. Apparently this is bad. Bad as in long term health problems and very serious repercussions. I had serious brain fog happening and although I had all the intention to do all kinds of things, less than half of that actually happened. Tired, bad bad attitude, and a very short tolerance for others around me. I never really lashed out at anyone as I managed to keep my cool, but there were times when I could have easily been a reasonable facsimile to a flame thrower or a wrecking ball on steroids. Not cool and not like me at all. Training was very hard as my focus was next to impossible to direct. Figuring out or moving forward on situations that I could easily do in my sleep just wasn't happening. I noticed I had to push very hard during my physical training, harder than usual.  I thought, what the hells going on here? I can't do anything, I can't think. Losing my appetite.... has the condition gotten worse... wait... losing my appetite.... better go see the man in the long white coat. Well after a long conversation and some enquires, the conclusion was, your meds are not working and from what your telling me, they haven't been working for sometime now. Oh that's awesome. So I'm on different ones and although it's only been a few days, I can feel a slight change every day. This is a good thing, so more tests down the road and hopefully I'll find the correct dosage and become balanced once again.
 With July around the corner I am going to be doing some gradual but drastic change ups in my diet and consumption. I'm going to experiment with what goes into my body and what will no longer. I don't believe a lot of what I read or follow the latest trend "experts". I'm the type of person that needs to see and feel it for myself because we are all different and as are the effects. I see this situation as a serious wake up call. People count on me, I want to see and get more out of my life, that will be very difficult with a terrible disease or worse yet I die. Action is now and ill fated intention is bulls#$t. I'll keep you all posted and many blogs to come as there is quite a bit more to my story as of late. See you at the Kwoon.

An Overview Overdue

So I had some issues in regards to my electronics the last while that has prevented me from getting my blogs out. This is no excuse however as I did have plenty of time to post before these problems rose to frustration. I do have a ton of patience but not enough to try to finish or write a blog with my fat fingers and tiny phone screen. Sorry for the MIA. Rather than try to post a bunch of blogs at once, I'll post one with a little piece of each one.

Weapon training is something I truly enjoy. As much as I like to put my self in a virtual battle in my mind, hacking up bad guys and what have you, I also really enjoy the technical side of it. Training with a weapon of any sort can expose your stance weaknesses, challenge your timing, and really help creativity from your mind and then try to translate it through your body, way cool and way too much fun. One thing about building your own weapon form though, you have to keep in mind, it's just like any other form. When it starts to evolve, the flow and transitions change. Areas of your form will become more stable and faster that may not coincide with the others. So much is effected but unfortunately, not necessarily at the same time. This can create frustration and doubt, but the important part is to not venture too far off of your original vision and just tweek the form a little at a time instead of massive changes. I tend to learn this the hard way. I had a pretty good Twin Axe form going and was doing a few reps a day. I knew our first demo was coming and I assured myself and others it would be demo ready. Well, I ended up getting side tracked and my daily weapon form reps went to the way side. A few days before the demo, I was doing my form and thought, "I really don't like this part, I have a few days, so I'll change it" and began to change a bunch of stuff shortly before the demo. This was a really dumb move as I had a bunch of muscle memory trained into my mind a body and thought I could re program myself and my movements, nope. As a result my form really sucked and the last 1/3 was on auto pilot as I had no clue or idea what I was doing, thank goodness I remembered the finish. So this was a good reminder as to why all aspects of our training must move together in an incremental fashion and if your going to change things, do so way ahead of the due date.

I have had a true misconception of the first part of the six harmonies, as I felt they should be moving all at once from last technique completion, through transition, to next technique execution. The problem here is that yes they move together, but not how I was applying them. I was missing the steps, technique, return to center, settle into the stance, apply technique timed with a good solid grounding. I was trying to do this all at once, but skipping a lot of these important steps, which makes the whole system useless. There is no solidification or centering involved this way or power/grounding in the techniques.This might not make sense, but long story short, I have been doing this form sometime and it is taking a lot of work to break the habit. Oh well, all on the quest for mastery indeed.

All or nothing reared it's ugly head on me again. This problem has been much to my demise many a time. It's a tough balance sometimes to separate your work or occupational mindset form your Kung Fu work ethic. I have trouble with this at times. If there is a problem or task that needs to be tended to then it's all or nothing until the issue is solved meanwhile other things go to the way side and then the cycle begins, which ends up turning into a big pile of tangled mess frustration and you just want to say to hell with all of this. This wastes time and removes your full control of what you need to do or take care of in a very unproductive and unhealthy way as it festers to negativity and bad choices as to what you need in your life and what you don't. I have changed my approach this year to the mindset that incremental progress is key, period. I was trying to fix a few trouble areas in my Kung Fu and as a result, that's where all my focus went and I paid for it buy not practicing other areas, all or nothing came into play and then I looked back and realized what other areas were being left behind. This isn't healthy, productive, or efficient training. I stopped, reviewed my requirements and goals and now I am proceeding in a much more stable and productive fashion. It's not easy to stay away from this mindset for me, at work and other areas it's go until your done, less important things can wait. This doesn't work in Kung Fu or other areas and I hope by the time the year is over, I can learn to stay on the incremental focus and practice a healthier approach.

I had the opportunity to get in some sparring last week during the que belt classes. I haven't sparred since the last san shou class, which is way too long of a stretch. I really enjoy sparring and almost forgot just how valuable of a tool it is. I hope we'll see the return of san shou someday but in the meantime I am going to try to get to open training as I understand there is a group that spars there every week. Good stuff indeed.

Sorry for the long post and scattered theme, but I had to let you know what's been up for the last while. I am currently on a 12 hour nighshift schedule for a few more days and then I am flying out to the west coast for a few days, but I will be back next week. I hope everyones training is going well. See you at the Kwoon.