Chaos is Normal

The last few weeks have been crazy for me as all my regular routines have been tossed into a box and dropped down a well. It's nothing new though except one thing, my approach. Things really went south a few weeks ago when my latest project which was supposed to be 5-10's, turned into 7 days a week and 10 hours plus. Earlier start times and throw a 1 hour 20 min drive one way into the equation, leaves very little time to get in some quality training. What about those short days, well that would be perfect to get to the kwoon but there's one problem. A major vehicle repair that has too be completed before this up and coming weekend as it is a major component to towing our trailer as our annual camping trip is coming fast. Now normally I would be beating the crap out of myself and questioning my grit. Labeling myself as a failure and convincing myself that I am no black belt. Once I have beat myself and my integrity to a pulp, I will move onto to anger and question the whole process and write it off as it is stupid and the expectations are pointless as nobody has time to do this if your busy. Shortly after that, I feel like an idiot for throwing my Kung Fu away and try to start over, only ending up at the beginning of the same circle, ending with the same crappy attitude.

That was then, this is now. I know for a fact I have what it takes and then some. Where I have been and how I got here speaks volumes as I look back. The process does work and it works well if you embrace it and keep it close. You have to remind yourself that no matter what happens or how messed up things can become, your Kung Fu is there and it can be applied at anytime or anywhere. The reason I say this is I have been down this road before in my training and in my life and seemed to make it this far. I haven't stopped training at all, I haven't stopped keeping my goals in front of me, and my attitude remains open and adaptable. There is plenty of stuff that can be done in a day. I may not be able to get what I want done, but what is getting done is mindful and I respect and enjoy every chance I can get to train. I have made some great discoveries and have plenty of opportunities to apply them. I have learned through my mistakes and have used them as tools. I have observed and applied changes to my approach from watching and listening to others. As I have mentioned before, I am really enjoying this year and come November, I will leave the kwoon as a Black Belt and damn proud because this time, I got over myself and remember quite clearly what I am. That's just the way it's going to have to be. My life life is not going to change to suit my training, my training is going to have to learn to adjust to the chaos, it's that simple. Chaos is my norm and with Kung Fu a part of it, there is no fail, only endless opportunity. See you at the kwoon.

On The Road to Black Belt

It's a long haul to becoming a Black Belt in a traditional school. You can't buy it. You can't just wing it through, and you can't brown nose your way to the top. Blood, sweat, and tears will get you through indeed. But that's not even close to the tools you need. Compassion and awareness for yourself and others is one of the primary necessities that branches off into a full arsenal of what you need to bring to the table. Compassion for yourself to accept and embrace your failures. Awareness to comprehend the ripple effect you can and may have on others. It seems the more lethal you become, the more peaceful you become. Determination and discipline are there as well. Discipline to do and continue to do your homework and maintain the standard and uphold it to the level it was given to you and what you may eventually pass to those behind you. Determination to succeed and perfect in every aspect of your struggles and goals in all areas of your style or discipline. It's not easy, because if it was there would be Black Belts walking all over the place. There's not though and that's a good thing. Inspirational mentors that lead through example and if you are fortunate enough to learn from and be held accountable by, you have discovered the path. The rest is on you.

All of that being said, I can tell you through experience and personal perspective, attempting to reach Black Belt for me has been a long road. Many times I have chosen to take the long road because of those qualities I have mentioned above were lacking, non existant, or were just simply tossed as far as I could throw them. I thought a few times that I may just end up being a career Sihing. To hell with this. But, no matter how far I ventured off, no matter how deep I isolated myself, no matter how resentful and arrogant I became about all of these requirments, no matter how many public fails and deep disappointment in myself rose to anger... I continue to come back. I could always see the light in the distant some where. I always ended up searching through the long grass of regret and descending the deep valleys walls of resentement, or diving deep into the sess pool of pride, to get my tools back and polish them back to the lustre of a martial artist on the road to the level of Black Belt.

I feel really good about this year as my perspective and path forward has changed in a big way. I accept my fails and embrace those that have influenced me. I feel like I am so far behind in some areas, but so far advanced in others that it blows my mind and leaves me vapour locked. I look forward to making my teachers and fellow students that have shared so much of their skill and time with me very proud. I look forward to the day when I can wipe the dirt off my face and say, Yup, I am a part of the linage and legacy of our school. I am a Black Belt....Yah, I like that and I hope those of you on your own journey can too. See you at the Kwoon.

Canada Day 2016

This year's Canada Day was pretty cool.  I have never been involved in a demo to this magnitude and variety.  The lion, dragon, all the weapons and hand forms, and for good measure, 1000 push up and sit ups. It was a really good day and I enjoyed seeing the members of this team display their skill and challenge their comfort zones by just jumping in on the dragon,  even if they had no idea.  Publicly. That really reflects to me just how connected this team is as everyone seems to find comfort regardless of environment.  That is really awesome.

Another area I thought really showed the skill level of this team was to pull a 10 second piece out of your form.  Some of our members had no idea that was coming,  but they went behind the tent, created a piece,  and performed publicly.  That is skill to surpass a challenge like that and succeed.

Now I have to talk about my public board break. My first attempt was by far the most embarrassing board break I have ever done.  I felt that I not only embarrassed myself, but the team as well. I mean let's face it for what it was...bad. Way too much in a hurry and not calming my mind properly. There were mixed emotions at the time to deal with when I was given a second attempt and while performing it. Seeing the first board fly into Sifus face like a bullet concerned me,  then it was oh yeah I'm  in the middle of a board break here! I'm really thankful that the rest broke.

Fortunately I was also given footage of the break,  (thank you Sihing, your awesome)  which gave me some analytical insight to work with.  First board,  I jammed that kick by being too close to the target,  but on a positive note the power was straight out.  The second and third boards,  there is no footwork involved and just straight up blunt force trauma,  I switched into caterpillar D9 mode. There's no grounded technique here.  The fourth and final board was a really wild experience though. I thought I missed the board completely. I didn't feel nothing except very light contact on my heel.  It was as if I just extended the leg and lightly touched the board with my heel.  I don't really remember much going into the fourth break either,  but I was sure happy to see Mr.  Duncan holding a piece of the board.

So a lot of good stuff to work with here.  I have to do a successful public board break before I earn a black belt. I can't leave this behind as incomplete as I will never feel right about it knowing that the majority of my public breaks were fails.  One last note,  I just want to say thanks to the team for a wonderful day and a big thanks to all the guy's that held the  boards for me. Sorry about the board to the face, but I put that on Sifu R Langner! See you at the kwoon.

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