In one way or another we all have some sort of mental defect or challenge. Nobody is exempt from it wether we want to admit it or not. I think the toughest part is actually identifying it to some degree and then admitting it to ourselves and having the courage to work with it. That's not always easy though because a lot of times we are in denial about the situation or believe we have a handle on it or we don't even recognize it until it catches up to us. Sometimes we don't want to see it or even consider it a problem because of the stigma that comes with even the mention of a mental issue or challenge. We believe that if we are carrying on in our daily lives in a productive manner, there is nothing obvious or common symptoms and we have the ability take care of our family along the way, then it's all good...right. No actually, not so much.
I know for me my issue is being a full blown workaholic and what this brings is a all or nothing mentality. From when I was young growing up on the farm, to my years in the oil patch, to the construction industry you, worked until the job was done. No matter how much time it took or how many days consecutive. The focus was the work always and even during this time quality was drilled into my head. If you screwed it up, you fix it and make it right. You focus and commit to what you set out to do. You didn't screw the pooch either and you best use your brain along the way as well and good enough is never part of the equation. Now this is all fine and these experiences have built me a very stable career and I apply these characteristics to all that I do. But what happens when it becomes the only mindset in everything you do.
As much as I thought I was a good multitasker and achieving balance was no issue, I really suck at it. I can multitask and balance things, streamline them and discover all kinds of insight. I am highly productive, committed and focused and not scared to work at something until I complete it but only when it involves whatever I am currently involved in. I didn't even really realize it until these past few weeks when my training structure flew apart and I'm scrambling to pick up the gears of excellence that are flung all over the place. I stopped and said to myself, what the hell just happened.
Back when the pandemic shut down began I had the time to soley restore and work on my Kung Fu. Everyday I would train and at times I would spend hours on certain aspects to get it right. I was having fun and making great progress in my training and my list of priorities where on track. I thought finally I am going to have this balance in training and all aspects of my life because that's what I set out to do this year. This is going to be freaking awesome.
The thing is I didn't realize it at the time but I was already in all or nothing mode. I thought I had it dialed in strong enough to where when work started I would be able to bring this with me and I felt I was walking into the balance I set out to find for this year. Then work started, summer came, commitments to my family came and of course lifes surprises. Slowly as I continued at completing what I set out to do and hold that balance but it was starting to slip.
Then all or nothing started up again and I found myself rather than finishing up whatever was left the next day or chipping away at it a little at a time, dropping what I was doing to make the time for my training I would go at it or do whatever until it was done. My levels of priorities became distorted and pretty soon I was up late at night and looking at the time, okay I have a few minutes to do some puch ups and sit ups, maybe form rep or two, the rest I'll catch in the morning before I leave. Pretty soon the late nights were catching up and I would work hard all day and work hard at whatever I felt was more important. Then my morning reps became less and then eventually none. Now I have to catch up on it all after work and I would go until it was done. Pretty soon I was burnt out and my daily training became less and less and I was working when I originally thought I wasn't going to be. I have incomplete blogs in my draft and I haven't been able to touch my weapon for weeks.
This is where the all or nothing workaholic in me loses perspective on the important things and things become distorted. This is where I start to shed what I believe is not priority and I begin to beat myself up because I am failing or can't complete what I set out to do. Everything else is more important and this is a luxury I can no longer make time for. This is where I put everyone elses needs ahead of mine because I think if I don't meet these other commitments I am being selfish. Normally about this time in the past I would start to lose site of what is really important and make up the excuse that I just don't have the time to do this and just disappear. This action is not healthy and all it does is make me regret things more and make me angry and that is never good.
Well I'm not going to repeat this again and I have the means to make it right before I lose site of my goals. I have to pull the reigns in and take back control of what's mine and use the tools and advice I have been given. My training may not have been as productive as I would like, but it never stopped this time and the quest for quality is always there. I have my book with me at all times as a reminder and a tool to keep the balance front and center. It's okay to say no sometimes. I have contacted someone I have trained with in the past and we will keep each other engaged, a success coach to be exact, because this can't be done successfully on my own. I can forgive myself when I mess stuff up. It's okay to stop and make the time for what's important and hold my comittments.I have teachers to reach out to anytime when I need help. I will get a handle on my all or nothing mentality and find that balance. I will go to the Kwoon whenever possible and meet with my team instead of getting soley involved in one thing until it's done...it will still be there when I get back.
So this is my struggle and I will see it through to a better me, a healthier me and a whole different lifestyle because as it sits all or nothing doesn't work and that's the chink in my armour. It sure feels good to say that and a plan to move forward to make Kung Fu my balance no matter what I am doing may just be in sight after all. I guess we will see what it all brings. See you at the Kwoon.
Sunday 19 July 2020
Martial Artist to D9 Cat
I have had a lot of struggles the last while in working towards balancing my occupational physical movements with my Kung Fu movements. As much as I have tried to integrate it and come to some sort of realistic balance between the two, needless to say they don't seem to want to get along. Which is all the more reason why practicing my forms and expanding my Kung Fu has to remain imperative on a daily basis. I also have to avoid becoming frustrated and loose the end result along the way or jeopardize the quality as well. Patience and discipline are key I think.
To give you an idea of my situation most things I work with are heavy and there is a consistent demand of strength. A task that requires a strength demand to lift, hold or stabilize while in motion, access to the point, and periodic static positioning all while under load. Basically picking something heavy up, carrying it, and holding it in place. Then whatever tools are necessary to complete the work I have to hang on to them and possibly use more strength to work them. If I'm working at heights I have to hang on to something while I work the tools so more physical demand is required. Also when all of these activities take place I load the body up slowly to avoid injury. Think of revving an engine to full RPM and dropping the clutch, your bound to grenade something.
Now the Kung Fu aspect of strength in motion and movement. Typically the goal is very little strength is required until you need it. Nothing is preloaded to execute the technique with the exception of holding a weapon perhaps until you complete definition of execution. But even then when you move the weapon and your body the idea is to remain light and transitional movements are performed with a full body balance, like the first part of the six harmonies and the center is the source of it all. Moving from stance to stance your feet or rotation is performed from sliding on the heels and ball of the foot and you are compressed or settled the whole time.
Now at work if I tried to apply these aspects of Kung Fu, I would be dropping tools and materials all over the place or they would be flying out of my hands. I would probably blow out my back or knees and consistently trip and fall down carrying something. While operating an industrial impact gun I would turn my arm into something that resembles a twizzler. When I apply my work movements to Kung Fu it's like my axe suddenly weighs 100lbs and I'm trying to drive it through a bank vault. When I move I am so tense that my flow and speed go completely out the window and there is a smart car on my back. When I punch or kick it's like I am demolishing a house with my hands and feet. My Kung Fu goes from the center out to all upper body or I dispatch so much energy to my legs that I begin rising and falling during transitions. So I really have to calm the mind and pay more attention to the details which I am trying to avoid so my Kung Fu becomes involuntary instinct rather than mindful dispatch....the list goes on but I know I can make it happen.
It's not all messed up though and I am working towards a solution. Like I had mentioned in a previous post about programmed muscle memory I know where the problem lies and what the causes are, I just have to put in the time and keep telling my body to work from the center out and to some degree I'm slowly developing this and it is helping. The biggest struggle I have right now is putting in the time. I have so many distractions right now and another big issue is my working mindset contradicts my Kung Fu mindset everyday. My biggest issue is the separation from all or nothing to achieving a healthy and sustainable balance. That's another post though.
To give you an idea of my situation most things I work with are heavy and there is a consistent demand of strength. A task that requires a strength demand to lift, hold or stabilize while in motion, access to the point, and periodic static positioning all while under load. Basically picking something heavy up, carrying it, and holding it in place. Then whatever tools are necessary to complete the work I have to hang on to them and possibly use more strength to work them. If I'm working at heights I have to hang on to something while I work the tools so more physical demand is required. Also when all of these activities take place I load the body up slowly to avoid injury. Think of revving an engine to full RPM and dropping the clutch, your bound to grenade something.
Now the Kung Fu aspect of strength in motion and movement. Typically the goal is very little strength is required until you need it. Nothing is preloaded to execute the technique with the exception of holding a weapon perhaps until you complete definition of execution. But even then when you move the weapon and your body the idea is to remain light and transitional movements are performed with a full body balance, like the first part of the six harmonies and the center is the source of it all. Moving from stance to stance your feet or rotation is performed from sliding on the heels and ball of the foot and you are compressed or settled the whole time.
Now at work if I tried to apply these aspects of Kung Fu, I would be dropping tools and materials all over the place or they would be flying out of my hands. I would probably blow out my back or knees and consistently trip and fall down carrying something. While operating an industrial impact gun I would turn my arm into something that resembles a twizzler. When I apply my work movements to Kung Fu it's like my axe suddenly weighs 100lbs and I'm trying to drive it through a bank vault. When I move I am so tense that my flow and speed go completely out the window and there is a smart car on my back. When I punch or kick it's like I am demolishing a house with my hands and feet. My Kung Fu goes from the center out to all upper body or I dispatch so much energy to my legs that I begin rising and falling during transitions. So I really have to calm the mind and pay more attention to the details which I am trying to avoid so my Kung Fu becomes involuntary instinct rather than mindful dispatch....the list goes on but I know I can make it happen.
It's not all messed up though and I am working towards a solution. Like I had mentioned in a previous post about programmed muscle memory I know where the problem lies and what the causes are, I just have to put in the time and keep telling my body to work from the center out and to some degree I'm slowly developing this and it is helping. The biggest struggle I have right now is putting in the time. I have so many distractions right now and another big issue is my working mindset contradicts my Kung Fu mindset everyday. My biggest issue is the separation from all or nothing to achieving a healthy and sustainable balance. That's another post though.
Wednesday 1 July 2020
Journaling
It has been mentioned several times over the years during I Ho Chuan classes and meetings I have attended that one of the most critical tools for success on the quest for mastery is our journaling. It is the absolute minimum requirement, a perfect tool to asssit with accountability and engagement. A lot of problems or issues an individual may face during the course of their journey or troubleshooting things can be exposed or repaired through consistant journaling. A measure for success, personal discovery and insight through our Kung Fu. Our fails and how we dealt with it and how we grew from the experience. A tool to help ourselves and others along the way. It provides the abilility to let everyone know where we are at or where we are not. Nobody on a crew should be left alone or forgotten, we all struggle from time to time and need a helping hand or a swift kick.
We have all heard from experience that if your not journaling, your not training or engaged. I didn't really buy into it at the time or honestly give it a chance because I didn't see the value or apply the tool as it was meant to be used. I tried to justify this misconception, or I'll be even more honest my stubborness. I would use every reason or excuse I could find. I would say that I am a private person, (which to a strong degree I am, but that is irrelevant to the prurpose.) I would say to myself I have nothing to journal about, I don't have time, etc, etc. I thought that in order to have a successful year you just train and stay on the path. Little did I realize at the time that our journals are the path, they are one of the primary tools for success. You could say the perfect sound board to some degree.
Up until this year I never fully embraced the mindset or appreciated the tool, and it showed. Sometimes it takes me a while to get it or maybe even go as far to say acceptance to something that is designed to help, but requires change or the need to come out of the comfort zone. I think I get it now....it just took a few years! When it comes to journaling I can only speak for myself here but this year a lot of light bulbs lit up as ventured down the path and made some discoveries and insights to my Kung Fu. In fact a recent challenge gave me some very sound proof to the value of journaling because I applied the tool as it was meant to be and it was working great. Then I started to slip a bit and not journal and as a result so did my discipline and focus.
The last few weeks have been tough, weird hours, lot's going on at home, working hard all day in the heat, really, really....really crappy drivers on the road, and not much left at the end of the day. Because of my weird hours and other areas of my life currently I haven't made it to the Kwoon yet since it re opened. I'm not getting in the amount of training I want and that time for me to escape the day and do my Kung Fu is becoming less. I started to get down on myself about it and angry about things. But then I thought about it, hold the phone man, what's missing? These last few weeks are no different than the previous two. I might only be getting in a little bit of training but I'm training consistantly and the quality holds....then it occured to me, my journaling.
I have missed sealing off the last two weeks with a journal and I finally realize the value. My tool for engagement and assurance that I am moving forward is missing. That journal that marks my progress and helps me keep the discipline alive and the goal in my sights is not part of where I am at. My teachers or team mates have no idea where I am at, so now I am doing this alone. That record that assures me I am committed to see this through and Kung Fu is here with me solid. It's that hand that reaches out and says things are cool, forgive yourself and smarten up. It might not be so exciting for others, but for me this was a really cool moment of clarity because I know this year I am doing things right and still managing to grab that gear when the clutch slips. Where I am at and what I am doing is a whole lot of alright. I just need to keep using my tools and believe in something I am not used to putting faith in. My journals will keep me committed to my Kung Fu, the I Ho Chuan crew, and of course my Sifu's. See you at the Kwoon.
We have all heard from experience that if your not journaling, your not training or engaged. I didn't really buy into it at the time or honestly give it a chance because I didn't see the value or apply the tool as it was meant to be used. I tried to justify this misconception, or I'll be even more honest my stubborness. I would use every reason or excuse I could find. I would say that I am a private person, (which to a strong degree I am, but that is irrelevant to the prurpose.) I would say to myself I have nothing to journal about, I don't have time, etc, etc. I thought that in order to have a successful year you just train and stay on the path. Little did I realize at the time that our journals are the path, they are one of the primary tools for success. You could say the perfect sound board to some degree.
Up until this year I never fully embraced the mindset or appreciated the tool, and it showed. Sometimes it takes me a while to get it or maybe even go as far to say acceptance to something that is designed to help, but requires change or the need to come out of the comfort zone. I think I get it now....it just took a few years! When it comes to journaling I can only speak for myself here but this year a lot of light bulbs lit up as ventured down the path and made some discoveries and insights to my Kung Fu. In fact a recent challenge gave me some very sound proof to the value of journaling because I applied the tool as it was meant to be and it was working great. Then I started to slip a bit and not journal and as a result so did my discipline and focus.
The last few weeks have been tough, weird hours, lot's going on at home, working hard all day in the heat, really, really....really crappy drivers on the road, and not much left at the end of the day. Because of my weird hours and other areas of my life currently I haven't made it to the Kwoon yet since it re opened. I'm not getting in the amount of training I want and that time for me to escape the day and do my Kung Fu is becoming less. I started to get down on myself about it and angry about things. But then I thought about it, hold the phone man, what's missing? These last few weeks are no different than the previous two. I might only be getting in a little bit of training but I'm training consistantly and the quality holds....then it occured to me, my journaling.
I have missed sealing off the last two weeks with a journal and I finally realize the value. My tool for engagement and assurance that I am moving forward is missing. That journal that marks my progress and helps me keep the discipline alive and the goal in my sights is not part of where I am at. My teachers or team mates have no idea where I am at, so now I am doing this alone. That record that assures me I am committed to see this through and Kung Fu is here with me solid. It's that hand that reaches out and says things are cool, forgive yourself and smarten up. It might not be so exciting for others, but for me this was a really cool moment of clarity because I know this year I am doing things right and still managing to grab that gear when the clutch slips. Where I am at and what I am doing is a whole lot of alright. I just need to keep using my tools and believe in something I am not used to putting faith in. My journals will keep me committed to my Kung Fu, the I Ho Chuan crew, and of course my Sifu's. See you at the Kwoon.
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