Changing my Perspective, Part 2

Before I get into part 2 I need to clarify a few things. That rant and seemingly disrespectful view point is not directed towards anyone or the I Ho Chuan program. I'm not trying to reinvent the wheel. No one called me mediocre and nobody left me behind, those are my words and thoughts directed at me. By becoming angry about it, and putting those questions in my mind, I thought it was going to inspire me to move forward... it didn't. In actuality what I was doing was trying to justify my own short comings by making excuses on how the I Ho Chuan is not working for me. When ultimately it was me that wasn't working the program. I left myself behind and chose to remain isolated. That is how I saw myself and that is where my mind was at the time. As I said in the beginning, it's nothing personal nor am I blaming anyone. This is all on me and I am accountable for it all.  I'm trying to share my experience and since I am not so good at transferring my thoughts to paper, I apologize if I lit anyone up.

Now the otherside of the coin. The real purpose and guaranteed success cycle of the I Ho Chuan if you apply it in a positive way. Why 50,000 push ups and sit ups. This is the most basic and fool proof way to begin your success cycle and instill daily discipline and begin the concept of effortless effort. It becomes as common as brushing your teeth. Soon this evolves into a program of so much more. You begin to experiment with different ways to achieve them and develop a well rounded training discipline. If you are feeling an injury this will teach you how to adapt your training and still come out on top.

Why a 1000 form reps. This is a lesson on continuous evolution and places you on the path to mastery in your form work, be it a hand or weapon. If your getting to the point of boredom then you need to find a black belt to assess your form that hasn't seen it before. Everyone has a different eye for detail and I know through experience, this will definitely give you some homework and inspire you to move forward.

Why put yourself out there publically on the website and share your journey? One example would be if Bruce Lee never publicized his training and what he did to overcome a serious injury, would we even know who he was? Would we have any examples or inspirational figures to learn from? If I actually applied myself to journaling this past year, would I have remained in isolation? Would I have struggled as much as I did?  What do you have to look back on if there is no record of your successes and failures. How are you going to help others not make the same mistakes if you don't put the experience out there? I'll get over myself on this one.

Why a 1000 rounds of sparring and why a 1000 miles under your own power? Why a 1000 AOK? All of these different challenges are tools to keep all aspects of your training rounded. It is a universal training package, both mentally and physically. Everyone has short comings and everyone lacks confidence or skill in anyone of these areas. Applied correctly and as a team you cannot fail. But no matter what you think, you can't be fully successful by trying to accomplish this yourself. I'm not saying you can't train on your own, you pretty much have to, but you also have to be at the kwoon.

Now to answer all the questions I threw out in anger a few months back. The I Ho Chuan is definitely going to help with my retirement because it promotes good health and increases my life longevity, I am slowly becoming more aware of what I eat and it continues to keep my body in good shape and my mind sharp. The confidence I build and the positive energy I gain along with the acceleration of my adaptability skills and maintaining a calm mind with solid focus will definitely help build my career, Not to mention my job can be extremely physical, so this will keep me productive and versatile. By being a positive influence both physically and mentally and leading by example through ethics and morals I learn through my Kung Fu and it's requirements, I will continue to be a good husband and father which will definitely take care of my family. If my past comes at me I will sever it just as easily as I have done before.

At a very difficult time in my life, what I chose to blame was still there all the time. The thoughts of dropping to do push ups, throw some kicks, read the curriculum, grab my weapon, as much as I felt there was so much more important things to deal with, the I Ho Chuan and it's lessons and my commitment to others never left my mind and never stopped me from doing these things, no matter what I thought. That's the effects of the I Ho Chuan, once there, never leaves. In fact if that wasn't there I'm not sure I would have come out of it the way I did. Choosing to isolate myself from the kwoon wasn't easy. Neither is walking in there now. I know no one is judging me, but I am judging me and that's not going to change anytime soon. I didn't know how to ask for help. I'm not good at that at all. But I'm hoping this year will be different, by journaling as much as I can, and being at the kwoon as much as possible, I hope to turn this all around, so when I say watch and learn, that's what you will see. If I continue on a hectic work schedule then it's my responsibility to communicate that to the team and share my training routines, no ones going to learn nothing if I don't share that.

Changing My Perspective, Part 1

This blog is a straight forward and completely honest view and perspective that I have held and my struggles. My intention is to not be disrespectful or hamper any ones goals or intentions for success. I have witnessed huge successes and I am humbled by many martial artists on this team. So please don't take any of this personally because it's not about you or me. It's about question and repair. It's about seeking knowledge to share and to overcome a valley. It is simply a written experience of where I was at last year and some of the things I struggle with in the I Ho Chuan and hopefully after putting it all out there, I can succeed and move on to the next level of my training with the help of others. Because as it sits and where I am going, it could be a thing of the past and I really don't want that. I am in the process of moving forward to a highly succesful year in all aspects of my life, but mostly a restoration in my passion as a SRKF student. I want to complete this year on the right path and roll into the next one as more of a leader and be the example of how you can get through a I Ho Chuan program no matter what your lifestyle. A meeting would be the most ideal place to address these points, but as it sits, my work schedule has prevented that. The only way I am going to move forward and become a great Black Belt, is to remove the resentments, calm the ignorance, remove the blame, and evolve my somewhat defiance and stubborness, into strength and understanding. To see the balance that was once the core of all my strength. To ask for help, and that in itself is very difficult for me. This blog will be in two parts as it will make more sense and it would probaly end up to be about two feet long. So I will begin with some struggles and lack of understanding.

Well here it goes. I have a total of, I would boldly say about a 95% absence from the I Ho Chuan this year and its meetings. I have made very little contributing factors towards the team and my training this year as it would seem. If it was up to me as the administrator for the team, I would vote me off the island. In all honesty, I wasn't even going to sign up for the I Ho Chuan this past year. With my continuous unpredictable work schedule and my resentful views of the whole thing, I had no interest in running myself into the ground and becoming more and more distant from something not long ago I was very passionate about. As I strived for success, I was under a continuous realm of higher failure rates than success and struggling to find the time to balance work, family, Kung Fu, and my own personal reset time. I tried numerous times to explain the situation but it seemed very few could comprehend this type of lifestyle. That is until a few people on the team suddenly started working everyday and suddenly had no time either and ran themselves into the dirt or much like myself, stopped showing up or contributing.

I was told the program is designed for people in these situations, I was led to believe that not following through on the program and not succeeding is just being mediocre. In an angry mindset, I thought, "Wow!, I'm mediocre!, I've made it this far without the program and seem to fare out just fine." How about let's trade for a month. I guarantee this, very few could carry water for me when it comes to work ethic or how I lead myself and all that is a part of me through a number of things. Running on exhaustion and difficult paths and still moving forward is something I continue to do. I knew how to do that just fine without the I Ho Chuan. Who are you to dictate to me how I should run my life and drop everything I am doing to spend 6 days a week at the kwoon. Who are you to tell me to quit my job or give up overtime in order to facilitate the I Ho Chuans agenda? Who are you to tell me to give up time with my family or miss events as it should be viewed as investment, not sacrifice. Is the I Ho Chuan program going to set me up for retirement? Is the I Ho Chuan going to promote and advance my career? Is the I Ho Chuan going to pay my bills? Is the I Ho Chuan going to be there for my wife or children? Since there is very little I outsource, is the I Ho Chuan going to do all my work at home or other items I have to maintain or repair and spend upwards of 10 to 12 hours a day, 7 days a week at work and pull all of this off?

Nobody gets left behind I was told. Nobody is forgotten, and if someone is struggling, we have to reach back and pull them up. People have been left behind and not held accountable for their lack of engagement, like myself and others with similiar lifestyles or personal struggles. Two graduations when it came time for pictures to be taken at the end, nobody seemed to recall I wasn't there. It's not the picture, I could care less about that. It's the principal of the I Ho Chuan that is not reflected here. Nobody get's left behind and we will watch out for all team members.....that didn't happen and that's the point.

 How is doing the same exercise 50,000 times going to better me when all it's really doing is promoting injury? How are you going to have any kind of longevity as a martial artist when you are wearing out your joints prematurely and increasing your chances of injury tenfold. How is doing the same form over and over again to the point of boredom going to increase my engagement? Why is it that honesty or logging a view or a struggle is immediately placed in the positive/negative debate. How can you possibly come to a conclusion or push through an obstacle publically when you are told how to write? Why do I have to put myself out on social media when I don't want too. There are things and people of my past that I left in the past for a reason. I have severed them for good reason and putting myself out there defeats that purpose. Before Google plus decided to change their website, I had over 100,000 views. That concerned me a bit for the very reasons I have stated. That, and I honestly don't know what the heck was so interesting. How is being allowed to disappear and not being held accountable going to help anyone or the team?

These are some views I have with the program. This is troubling side of things for me. The part I can't seem to comprehend or justify. My struggles.

Part 2 will be about how this very same program I seem to dislike, was the most powerful tool I had that got me through a very dark and troubling year.

Inspiration Comes in Many Forms

You can be influenced and inspired to do better, think better, find solutions, or just simply change your perception on something from many sources. You just have to listen and watch and look at everything around you as a gift or opportunity. Sometimes I look at things of influence as they have to be great, they have to come from experience, or at least something that you have to think it through to move forward and act. It needs to be extraordinary and seemingly impossible in order to work. Bruce Lee once said, "If you spend too much time thinking about something, you will never get it done." I seem to have forgot that the little things have a much more profound impact than the more prominent. I sometimes waste too much time thinking about things. Keep it simple stupid, is a phrase I commonly go to when stuck. Other times an outside source in a basic format can punch me right in the face and give me that boost or push I need. Even perhaps the straight forward approach that used to come so naturally to me.

The young martial artist you see in the photo above put me in my place and brought me back to reality in a very powerful way. She laid out a plan. Nothing complex, nothing extreme, she just did it. She didn't spend days planning. She didn't make things overly complicated and she didn't need the perfect time or planned opportunity. She just did it.

This young martial artist took a break from Kung Fu and returned almost a year later. A few classes in, she made a plan and set a goal to have earned her yellow belt before Christmas. She needed a two or three stripes in order to be eligible to test for promotion. She worked towards her goals and a few weeks later she was promoted to Yellow belt.
Barely a few classes in as a yellow belt and the goals began, orange belt by her birthday and a black stripe by next class. That week she was given an assignment and went to work on it at home. Within a very short period of time she developed her own combination containing all parts of what was asked of by her Sifu's. She asked me to help which of course I did. But the reality of it was all I really had to offer was a few block suggestions and some stance tweaking. That was it. Next class came a there it was, a black stripe on her belt. All of this was done by simply setting a goal and working towards it. She just did it, no excuses, no over thinking, no bulls@#t. Just straight up took what she felt was hers and ran with it.

That young martial artist is my daughter and I couldn't be more proud or more humbled by her example and lesson she gave me. Well done and thanks for the reminder to keep it simple stupid and just do it.

A Christmas First and a Message

This is a first for my family, hanging out in the mountains of southern Alberta. Good food, a fire pit, a BBQ and lots to do and some quality time with my parents and siblings, this is going to be a very memorable Christmas indeed. I can't really explain it but I feel at home in the mountains. I feel peace and a sense of being fully grounded here. Thinking clearly and sorting out a mindset and direction comes easy for me here. Whatever it is and why will always remain a mystery but one thing's for sure, I am truly grateful to be able to take the time from work and enjoy it with my family.

There are a lot of people in this country and province that won't have such a place to go. There are some that have no home, nothing to eat, and no one to be with. There are the working people that are still living in poverty. People that work themselves to exhaustion with a job that will be lucky enough to buy a descent Christmas meal. Let alone have the means to go visit their family. There are elders, children, and teenagers that will have nothing to share, no joy and no love to share or feel. How can this be in this day and age. How can you have a job and still not be able to make ends meet. I have seen much of the homeless. I have seen poverty levels in several areas throughout North America, and it is not something I would wish on anyone. Sure, you could say that's just the way it is. You could say they are simply addicts that couldn't control themselves. You could also say they are complete nut jobs and are of no use anyway.
 This sort of mindset is what makes us all ignorant to reality. It's all good as long as you are not suffering. To the ignorant, addiction is a disease, not a choice, Whether we want to admit it or not, in one way or another we are all addicted to something, and every single one of us has a mental disability of some sort. We have just been lucky or have been given the opportunity to better ourselves and stuck with it, or we are living in a state of denial that will catch you at some point.

This is why one should practice the mentality of being grateful and putting our awareness towards others and our social issues as a priority. We don't need to buy things constanly thinking this is how it is supposed to be and that is more important. If we weren't so busy staring at a phone, playing with gadgets and over consumption on stupid things you don't need, it wouldn't be so hard to pull our heads out of the sand. If we spent even a fraction of our time volunteering to help others and holding those that control it all accountable as a society, we as a whole, could make a difference. The common phrases such as "Well there is nothing you can do, so why bother" or " That's too bad, but they made their choice" would be a thing of the past. To all the less fortunate, to all the addicts, mentally ill, to the starving, the homeless, and victims of abuse, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a wish that someday soon we will all get over ourselves and do something about it instead of standing around waiting for something to happen. As it appears, they couldn't care less and unfortunately we are right there with them.

What Defines and What Doesn't

Achieving the rank of Black Belt is something most martial artists look forward to and work towards. All arts and disciplines have different ways and different beliefs on what exactly is a black belt and how you should become one. In our school the rank does not come easy. You just can't buy the rank, you just can't wing it through and expect to be passed. To become a black belt in our school is not done in private, it is done out in open so the whole student body can witness what it takes to become one. Sihing in a traditional setting, means "Big Brother", and we all know what the position entails. It is the position of a leader, people look to you for guidance and all your moves are watched because you are the example and the cornerstone of inspiration to other students. It is your responsibilty to hold and work towards the standard and uphold the potency of the art. Holding the rank of Sihing shows that you have earned the chance to test for the rank of black belt and you have earned the trust and respect of your instructors. There are perameters set in place such as the I Ho Chuan and Sihing assignments, to insure you are following the necessary guidelines and holding the respect to the art along with a well thought out plan to ensure your success. All you have to do is follow them, with vigor, vitality, and respect..... publically.

In my opinion I have failed these responsibities on many counts. I have been a very poor example of upholding my rank and following through on my responsibities as a Sihing and to the I Ho Chuan team, and most importantly to my instuctors and the school. I have shown exactly what not to do. I'm not going to go into details of all the things I dealt with this year, as I see it all though difficult yes, they are life and life doesn't care about your plans or what your excuses are. You must forge ahead and take control of your situations. I had a very difficult time this year doing this. I would grab the reigns and then let go. Get mad and grab them again, only to let go of them once again. I was about as consistant as the readings of a heart rate monitor. My ego, my stuborness, and the inability to recover and climb out of a valley that I fell into basically hampered any success. I would claw and then stop, meanwhile things continued to pile up, so congested that I didn't know where to start. I lost my way, my direction, along with who and what I am.

Even IF I succeded this year as a Black Belt candidate, I would have never been proud or honestly feel I earned the rank, let alone don the belt. A black belt should be able to be placed in any position and perform to the standard you have earned. What kind of Black belt would I be if a student asked me for an example or help and I didn't know or couldn't perform to the level that is asked of me. What if I was asked about my journey and what I did to overcome? Am I going to honestly say, I don't know because I didn't do it or that was an area I failed. I know how I would look at this person and I am not this type of person so why I put myself in that position and see it as okay. I take this all very seriously. I believe in standards and believe in traditions, that's the excitement and it instilles a feeling of great accomplishment. To acomplish something that very few people can.

I went into my grading this year with very little time to prepare due to an injury. I feel I had no business being there in the first place. I saw my attempt at black belt grading as a joke. I should have listened to a close friend of mine and put it off until November. Instead I chose to dive right into it and do it any way. I felt it was now or never and it turned out to be a huge mistake and the end result resonated bad energy and feelings of regret. The fact that there was so many loose ends and so much that had to be redefined or completed that as far as I was concerned, I failed the year right then and there. I felt this is not what I envisioned as my grading and I couldn't continue on knowing that this was what defined my year as a successful black belt. As many times as I tried to pick up where I left off and move forward, my thoughts and beliefs wouldn't let me. I wasn't striving for perfection as this is a myth, but I wanted to do this right and no matter what angle I looked at or approached, nothing would suffice. I felt shame and felt like a complete failure most of the year. I also felt that I made way too many open public claims that never came through and this made me feel like a liar, someone that cant back up their words with action. I struggled with this because I am not this person and never would I be comfortable in my own skin being this type. I am hard on myself and will not accept half attempt or sub standard practices, this is what defines me. Those of you that know me on a personal level or have worked with me know this. If you don't know me you should witness this by what you see from me. This is what made me who I am and the standards I live by. There is no way I am going to bend or relax them, especially in the presence of my instructuors and mentors in the school. But I did just that on many levels and knocked myself down so far that trying to move forward on a level of redemption couldn't be found.  I want to take a moment here to appologize to my instructors, my fellow candidates, the board, the I Ho Chuan team, and to the students for my actions. I never meant to be disrespectful to anyone. It's just how things played out and I appreciate all your time and support that was offered even if I didn't accept or participate.

I will not be promoted to black belt this year as a result of my actions and my inability to lead by example, to complete my tasks to the standard that was expected and asked of me. Instead of dwelling on what could have been, I will be moving forward on what is to be. I have been dragging around many things that no matter how I approach them they will never be sorted out, they are loose baggage that is clogging my thoughts and ambitions to move forward. They must be severed and I need to reset myself. I need to get back to who and what I am and the only way to do this is to move forward and leave behind what is meant to be left behind. I have requested to retest next year in May. Today is December 1 which is to be my starting point of six month preparation to achieve Black Belt. Incremental progress is what will be key to have me prepared to where I want to be. To be the example of what is expected of me. I want to approach this year with out the all or nothing menatlity that has crippled my ability to do this properly. This alone will be a difficult task in itself because I have been that way all my life and with somethings this is great, but for this, not so much. I have my success coaches in place and I am laying out the plans for the upcoming year. I am going to do this right so in the end this will be one of the greatest moments of my life. When I achieve the rank of Black Belt I will be proud and wear my belt with pride, knowing that all I did was done right and everyone seen me do it and was a part of it. That's just the way it has to be. See you at the Kwoon.

Stubborn and Non Conforming

These may seem like bad points, but to me they are not. To me these are strong points of character and acts of survival provided they are used properly. My success rate on this balance is questionable at times and yes, it does get me in trouble or make things that much more difficult. Other times it has kept me alive or has brought me through tough times and even better yet, really cool achievements. With this I will continue to hold my beliefs solid and be myself and take on any challenge or interest I want.

Being yourself and standing firm for what you believe in, is to me, the most important thing in the world. Without these two characteristics kept in mind one tends to forget you are in control of your life and just where it's going to go. As soon as I sense that I am losing my freedom to act and think within respectable grounds, or someone is trying to remove something from me with absolutely no solid ground to back this action.....the heels dig in and you might as well pack a lunch if you want to move me. I become angry and my thought process kicks in high and the anger processing begins. This takes a while as I have learnt that rage anger is basically useless and an non productive direction. Not saying I don't snap once in a while, but that ends very quickly. No, this is different. I start to balance the situation on all counts and figure out from there what parts need to be severed and forgotten and which parts need to be salvaged and kept close. This type of anger is what keeps me in tune with my surroundings and keeps me on my journey to where ever it is I am heading. This also keeps me from letting go of some very important things in my life. Things that perhaps under an irrational thought process, would have been tossed and forgotten, just to be constantly reminded later of a mistake and regret following me.

We are constantly losing our freedom to chose and think on our own. It seems a fair amount of people are content with being told how to act, how to think, and alot of times things are taken away from us in the name of safety or lack of accountability. This is all crap to me. People shouldn't be scared to pursue their goals or make new discoveries because they are led to believe risk is bad, taking chances is bad, being yourself is bad, fear mongering to install the thoughts and visions of worse case scenario. This is where the acceptance of mediocrity comes into play.  A majority of people now a days have no desire to think outside of the box. To question their boss or company, to stand up and say what you believe in proudly and firmly, to raise their family the way they see fit. Also to live under the guide of what everyone else thinks of you, honestly, who cares what others think because most people have no clue how to be themselves either. We are not designed or designated to be the same or think or act the same. No, we were meant to pursue our own hopes and dreams, prompted to develop a unique skill and master it, that's how you survived and if you couldn't be bothered to do so, well you probably died. There was a time when thinking outside of the box was encouraged, using the motto of the skies the limit was a way of life.

The whole point of this blog was to remind myself and others to teach themselves and the children to never let anyone or anything stop you from pursuing whatever the hell it is you want to. It's the people that have all the power, not the companies, not our governments, and certainly not an ideology of you can't do that, or nobody does that any more. Prove to others and above all else yourself and your children that anything is possible. Absolutely nothing has the right to stop you from believing in or pursuing your dreams, taking risks or practicing sacrifice in order to achieve a unique skill or goal, or what ever it is your passionate about. Never mind being scared, flourish your personality, promote individuality and support those that chose to be unique. Enough with the cookie cutter mentality and being a sheep. Take what is yours and run with it, you have the freedom to do so, use it.

Sickness, Gratefulness, and Continuous Rebuild

Things change quick. Sometimes right under your nose, and of course hindsight is always 20/20. I had a blood test performed a short while ago and a doctors appointment soon after. Turns out my thyroid has not been working.... at all really. He was in amazement as to how I was even functioning. I told him what I do for a living and that I train in Kung Fu. He kind of shook his head and I sat there with a stupid look on my face, ignorant to it all. A lot of the symptoms that come with a failing thyroid weren't really there, to me everything was operating some what normal. With the exception that I would get tired quicker than usual, foggy moments mentally and difficulty concentrating. As it sits, my T3 and T4 hormones are not balanced, one is in a high abundance and the other not so much, and my body is producing a huge level of TSH. This leans toward the autoimune system attacking my thyroid which is a result of me being allergic to something. My testosterone levels are above average but that doesn't matter because my body is producing too much estrogen which hampers the testosterone. Sounds like a big mess to me and thank goodness I never grew a set of boobs through it all. So I am now on pills and some vitamins along with a serious change up in my diet. I am scheduled for a more in depth blood test that will find out what exactly I am allergic too. After reading up on a few items I found coffee is very bad for us. I always knew this but ignored it. Coffee makes you pee your bones out and is a major cause of men producing high levels of estrogen..... hmmmmm. So that needs to go along with a bunch of other things. The countless times I have heard of mindful eating.... I guess it's time to get it together. Kind of goes back to that hind sight thing. My stubborness is my worst enemy at times.

Moving on to other things my work schedule has exploded once again and it will continue to be that way for a while. Six to seven days a week, 10 to 12 hours a day. As difficult as this may sound and the changes I will have to make to my training, they are what they are. To be honest I am very grateful for two reasons. One, there are a lot of people at the moment that have lost their jobs. There are a lot of people in this province that will be turning over the keys to their home and others that cannot afford to feed themselves. Between the crazy price of groceries and a bleek looking future ahead of us all, I feel terrible for many. I also feel quite angry with our current government. Everyone is cutting back except them. Want to lower costs, lay off people just like everyone else. Our government and health care system is bloated with beaurucrats that hold no use or purpose. Our governmnet in this province is one of the largest in the country. Time to trim the fat. Never mind borrowing billions to pay the useless. I don't get these idiots.
 The second reason is I will have to adjust my training. I don't want to lose the momentium I have developed over the last while. I will have to go straight from work to the kwoon and put in some hours at the kwoon at every available moment. At night, on the weekends, whenever possible. This last week has been difficult though. Between working with a new company and a unpredictable work schedule and fighting the cold from hell, it has hampered my ability to move forward at the moment. I am resting and reading, laying out plans to adapt my lifestyle and keep the engagement in front of me. A positive atitude and concrete focus always prevails. The sooner I can get over this cold, the sooner I can turn on the gas. I can't do both and expect to get better.I am eagerto get back to classes, get back to working with my partner and back to it all. Well that's all I really have at the moment, see you at the kwoon.