The Never Ending Pursuit

It's been almost 10 months since I have been able to have any kind of consistent presence in the kwoon. 10 months since any real contact with my training mates and teachers. 10 months since I even worked on several aspects with a partner. Flooded with continuous draw backs that just seem to be coming. All of a sudden here I am parachuting into the Kwoon and grading in about two weeks and none of it seems to be lining up. Are things improving? Couldn't tell you. So many things going on right now with work, a recent concern with someone close to me that puts all things on hold, raising my little one and being there for her, and trying to get all that's involved with my preparation for grading, makes it difficult to keep track. All of these things are my life. There's no sense in getting stressed out about it, what good would that do. The thing is if you look at it from a different angle, I'm balanced, and that in itself is a huge accomplishment for me. Everything is moving ahead together as one. I haven't been able to do that for a long time. The cool part is I am engaged in all aspects of my life and I am practicing mastery in all of these things. Family, Kung Fu, and my occupation.

Am I in the best shape of my life and do I have all my Kung Fu down and ready for grading? No, I am not and no I don't. But the year is not over and I'll find out May 2 exactly what I need to do to be awesome and blow peoples minds right out of their skulls. Am I getting in all the time I need to train properly and prepare? No, not even close, but I'm doing the best I can. Am I concerned about grading, failing, looking like a jerk, am I even good enough to show my face and try? Am I intimidated, maybe setting myself up for failure, questioning what I should have done, could have done?  Of course I am and of course those thoughts are running through my head. All of that is there but I can't bring that baggage with me and it's not healthy to carry that along with you anyway, so to the curb with that. I am going in with my mind clear and focused and perform to the best of my current ability's and continue to shoot for the highest standard I can. Pass or fail, I have reached nothing. There is no arrival. It's only a stepping stone to a valuable tool that will be earned and utilized on the never ending quest for mastery in the freakin' awesome art of Kung Fu. My confidence will be high and my ego is not invited.

 Is my work going to continue to be a bombing of question marks and unpredictable situations and schedules? Yes, it will be. I am highly skilled and I don't burn my bridges, unless they have it coming, then I blow that sucker to the heavens, end of story. I practice mastery in my trade and it is my passion. People that carry themselves this way will always be in demand and will always be on complicated or specialty work that requires a practice of the highest standards and skill set. Like those before me that had the grit, the drive, the standard, and the intelligence to do what it takes to prevail over anything. Just like our past masters in Kung Fu.

Are my girls going to need me on all fronts at any given moment? Yes, they will and at the drop of a hat, anything else takes a back seat. Period. Is there going to be family triumphs and tragedies or an unquestionable presence that is going to take me away from work or Kung Fu? Is there going to be times when work or Kung FU is going to take me away from my family? Is there going to have to be sacrifices that will have to be made in order to achieve mastery in any of these three areas in my life and will the placement of priorities be shifted?  Yes, there will be and sometimes it won't be pretty. Sometimes the sacrifice will result in failure, sadness, tension, absence. But the end result if there is success and an overall balance can continue, it will be the most awesome thing I could ever witness or be a part of. See you at the kwoon