Rolling with the Madness

Where to start. When asked where I am at currently with my training, my preparation for grading, my I Ho Chuan requirements, my recovery and almost any other thing you can dream up, you will receive this response. Me asking you to envision me holding all that is going on in my life in a box full of pieces from 14 different kind of jig saw puzzles. Then you will see me dump it all into a pile on the ground and calmly point down. That is where I am at.

My balance is completely off the scale, in fact, it's smashed into tiny pieces that I can't put together at the moment. The clock is ticking fast and I am all over the map with a jungle of loose ends I am trying to weave into something that will be sustainable in my life and my training. I have had more time away from the kwoon than most people have been away from home. A major injury and many personal challenges that have consumed a dump truck full of my time along with a crazy work schedule, has set me further back than I could have ever anticipated.  Some have viewed my time away from the kwoon as a result of my injury as hiding and I should've been there to observe and be there in spirit for the team. I'll keep that response to myself. But I will say this much, I hide from nothing. Grading is coming fast and my knowledge of the curriculum is weak, my kicks suck, physical conditioning is below average, bad habits in my form work, a weapon form that is not complete and others I plan on bringing to the table have not been practiced. Lots of theoretical material that requires memorization, and five personal techniques that is a bunch of crap, it looks more like amateur hour than something from somebody at my level. Occupational demands are full swing and just when you think it will slow down, wham. While most of you where with your families or training or doing whatever it was you where doing this long weekend, I was in a hard hat, 12 hrs a day, everyday.

So some may see this as life, some may see this as impossible, some may see this as whining or excuses. It may appear as a justification to put off grading until November. It may look like an anger vent or me throwing out negativity. Well sorry sunshine, but sometimes what appears to be negativity is reality. As difficult as it may seem, all of this is opportunity. Nothing more, nothing less. What I am doing here is sharing a window into all that is going on currently and hopefully what I can do to make it better and get through all of this. I hold myself accountable to it all, because all of this is my own responsibility and a result of my decisions and how I chose to act on them. I don't blame anyone or anything because this is all on me.

I will continue to forge ahead and share my journey for the next few weeks. I possess a patient mind along with bullet proof determination and will. I have looked back to how far I have come and that alone has given me reassurance that I can do this. Despite all that is going on in all aspects of my life, I am grateful for it all and embrace this as fuel for my success and to better my wisdom. This is all going to make me a better person, a better Black Belt, a better Father and husband, and a bring me that much closer to being a master in my trade. It will strengthen my will and sharpen my wits. There are many people that have it far worse than I may ever see. I am walking into the Kwoon on May 2 with the intention to succeed and to me November is not an option. A strong mind and iron determination can get you through anything. At the moment that's the only thing I have that is ready. See you at the Kwoon.