Time is flying way too fast but that's nothing new. So many things left to do and complete in regards to training. My conditioning has declined a bit, form reps are not as high as they should be, a couple of assignments are incomplete, and I have forgotten some of the curriculum already. I have wandered off my discipline and training path again and allowed myself to become distracted. Just like everyone else I'm sure, summer is a difficult time for me to focus on a few things. Nope, it has to be several things going on at once and all are either imperative or require full attention which completely messes up the general mindset of prioritization. I can honestly say, yes, I am insane. Doing the same things, making the same mistakes over and over again expecting different results. But what if the perspective is changed? What if the vision has more clarity, and what if the definition of it all has a deeper meaning and an advanced understanding that leaves you thinking and inspired to push yourself beyond the levels you thought you may never surpass? If that's the case then I don't think it's a waste and I don't think all hope is lost. Things just need to be cranked up. I chose to go at it this year in an incremental fashion and yes that has been very difficult for me. But as I look at my training overall, I am behind in several aspects and somethings I haven't even looked at. So what am I going to do about it. Cry, become frustrated, freak out and do a whole bunch of things that are going to be just done for the sake of doing them below standard. Am I going to lie about it? Pretend that nothing is wrong and all is good. You can't do that in Kung Fu. The minute you are on the mats, in a few simple moves, you basically have just spilled your guts with out saying a single word. Am I prepared and able to bring everything up to speed and beyond? Hell yeah and then some.
So what am I going to do about it. Stay positive, Review my goals and my destiny daily and train like a freakin demon straight through from this point and beyond Chinese New Year. Maintain my engagement by consulting those I need too, and that could be anyone in the kwoon. Remain in close contact with my fellow candidates as I'm sure they are encountering similar issues or problems and together we cannot fail. Be at the kwoon so much that I will be called a piece of furniture. Just hang me up beside the loins. I have confidence and firmly believe I will complete what I set out to do because I believe in myself and I believe in all that has brought me here. I have learned alot this year so far about myself and my limitations, my vulnerabilities, and what I am capable of doing. I just don't understand sometimes why I hold this restraint to just let things go and do it. What am I waiting for and what part of it all disallows me to nurture and feed the internal passion of my Kung Fu. What am I protecting and from what? I don't know it's all weird s#$t but hopefully I can come to an understanding and moments of clarity as I proceed down the path.
So I guess after all that craziness I just spilled and questions that come to mind, the ultimate path forward is to just go for it and stay in the moment day to day. I have completed a ton of things which has left me nothing but time for the next few months, so let's crank it up to 11! See you at the Kwoon.
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