Have a look through this window

Lets get this out of the way first. No, I haven't been blogging. Yes, my numbers are low. Yes, I am angry with myself and how far I slipped out of the picture. If the team is upset with me, I understand. I couldn't agree with them more. Those of you that took the time to ask me how things were and how things are going, offering a hand if I needed it. Thanks. When you are away from the kwoon for a lengthly period of time it sometimes feels like you are walking into a room full of strangers and people don't even know you walked in. Those of you that didn't please feel free to approach me or if you prefer I will approach each and everyone of you to explain myself and will be more than happy to take what I have coming. Which is a heavy reminder of my commitment to you all and the requirements of the curriculum. Don't think for a second I don't care or forget where I come from. I am a life long student of Silent river Kung Fu  and my loyalty to the school is etched in stone. I feel like a poser and a weak link on the team. As I have not been able to be a solid member of this team. Someone that can be counted on. Something I have always prided myself on all my life is being solid and being a figure of support to anyone or anything I commit to. I don't feel like that person right now. I have been trying to juggle a whole pile of items at once and it has been very difficult at this point. Things are very busy and I am not going to go into a whole bunch of excuses or reasons. I will say this much that where I am at has been the toughest area I have ever been in for a long time. I won't deny the fact that I did seriously consider stepping down. Not because I am a quitter, but because I am not too proud or realize when I have made a wrong decision or a mistake. Being mediocre has never been part of my life and "good enough" has never been a consideration. I am stubborn and have spent much time trying to figure out problems or going over things continuously until it is right. Only to refine it in another form. There is no such thing as perfect, it is a myth and a fallacy many of us fall into all the time. But there is a thing called constant evolution. It just goes back to the basic symbol and the thought process of the circle. Once you close the circle it starts over again as more bold than the last.

When I get in these situations I go to the drawing board and try to figure out just what exactly it is I need to do to make this work. Yes, on my own. I have taken care of myself for a very long time. I am not good at sharing my problems with people. My problems are my problems and I have no interest in burdening anyone with them, let alone share them with anyone that may be reading this. I know this is not the idea behind this program and I am slowly trying to come out of it. This is not an excuse to not blog or have constant engagement. My engagement is very low right now. Well obviously, I am not even following through on the minimum requirement. Work is consuming all of my time and when there is free time I am either sleeping or spending it with my girls. Trying to train when you are completely burnt and carrying a load that is meant for two people doesn't promote a very solid thought process or physical endurance to really do anything. My conditioning is not what it should be and that hurts my training as well. Being able to attend last I Ho Chuan class was the breaking point for me and perhaps the sting of humility I needed to get the ball rolling back where it should be. Since my engagement was so low when working on my form I couldn't believe how far behind I was. While doing reps in the back I was asked to fill in a void in the demo. While I was practicing the reps were starting to flow and it felt a lot better than usual. Although come show time it completely sucked ass. But I learnt a really valuable lesson and a reminder of the expectations of the team. At the drop of  a hat you should be able to get up there and do your form. Anywhere, any time and if you can't that is a tell tale sign you are not practicing. Getting thrown into this situation is a lot more doable if it is a form you already know. But when its your own, and your not practicing, not so. So I have been forcing some time in to practice my form and I am trying to get in 100 plus reps before Friday. I know I was pulled from the original line up for understandable reasons. But if someone can't make it and a sub is needed I will be ready. That goes the same for my board breaking techniques. I have been getting in some distance on my bike and that is the kind of break away I need to stay engaged and just to keep my sanity since I highly doubt I will make any classes this week, with the exception of Friday of course. I will be there and I will be at the demo. So the plan for the next while is to play catch up on all my blogs and get them up to date along with my other requirements. Also, for what it matters, my apologies. See you at the kwoon

Brian Chervenka

My life as a rabbit

So far the month of April I am staying committed to being a vegetarian. The smells of barbecues in the spring air has been challenging though. There has been many a time I almost broke down and raced straight to the store to buy something that was once alive with the intention of putting myself in a meat coma. Actually the transition hasn't been that bad. I did notice a difference in how I feel though. I don't seem so full and can for sure feel a change for the better. I have been experimenting with all kinds of different foods and vegetables. Vegetarian burritos with some kind of beans and sweet potato as filler. Lots of different grains like quinoa, bulgar, and others I am not even going to try to spell. Basically I am eating everything I can get my hands on that's not meat. Smoothies, fruit, vegetables I didn't even know existed. I guess the most important part I have benefited from this challenge is the amplified awareness it has created to what I eat. I have watched what I eat for the most part, but now I watch closer. You can't trust these companies that supply us with food. They are infested with greed and don't seem to care how many people they kill or install diseases. My intention is to somehow get more involved in the agenda to bring this more into the public eye. To help stand beside those that choose to devote some of their time to stop this craziness. The amount of poisons that are put into our food is staggering. Our medical system is already exploding with sick people. Whats that going to be like for our children or future generations that are stuck with the burden of a overpopulated and highly expensive health care system. How can we as people let our government allow owners of food companies to sit on a board that decides what can and what can't be put into or distributed as food. Talk about a major conflict of interest. How can it be okay to genetically modify food or try to patent a vegetable. It's not. So this is one of my long term goals to raise awareness and make a solid commitment to my children and to others.

As far as my training is going, slow but steady. Some requirements are not bad, while others are completely messed. My focus lately has been my weapon form and Long one, and two. Working my way towards a 10 min horse stance. Doing some five animal form reps whenever I have some time. Trying to get in some kicks and stretching. Time is lean right now but I am doing whatever I can. Pretty soon I will starting riding my bike again and that should help alot for mileage and endurance. I want to ride my bike to class in the near future. I just have to ride to the kwoon and see how long it takes. Then pretty much set a time and consistently try to do better. I have to work on my 5 techniques here pretty quick. I am also in the process of learning Lao Gar and it's moving ahead little by little. That's all for now.
Brian Chervenka

Changes

Lots going on this past while. My little one turned 9 yesterday and I can't believe how the time has flew by. It seems like yesterday she was as long as my forearm and peeing on me at just minutes old. The first words, first steps, and the first line she read and the first scraped knee. It was a great feeling to have her need her Dad to help her along and make things better. She took on Independence very early and I was so proud to see her determination to take on everything. Starting with turning on lights, to feeding the cat, to growing her own flowers. Barely able to talk but saying very curtly, "I'll do it, I"ll do it!" As much as I love to see how well she is growing, in some ways I don't want her too. I can't help but feel the sting that all parents feel when their child becomes more and more independent and needs you less and less. I do realize that she will always need her parents at some point and as long as your child is alive you will always be a parent. It doesn't stop at 18 and it doesn't stop when you die. They will need you at every stage of their lives and its very important to balance that fine line between smothering and giving them the freedom to mature. Making sure you give them the life basics and timeless advice so no matter where they are, or you are, your guidance will always be there because all your teachings are ingrained into them and the understanding of love and acceptance is always there no matter what the situation. Its carved in stone. Happy Birthday little one.
As far as training goes I am slowly getting somewhat of a routine going. Its taking a while and its been difficult to get going sometimes. I am basically exhausted and trying to maintain some what of a schedule. My diet is completely out to lunch and metabolism up and down. So in order to get things back on track I am going to start back to square one as a whole. Coffee needs to go, because I drink too much of it and end up not eating till way late in the afternoon. For those that have spent long periods of time away from the kwoon will know what I mean when I say it is very damaging to your training. Yes it is your own personal journey, but the kwoon is where all of our training began. There is an indescribable energy and a house of expectation that keeps you focused both there and at home. But a prolonged absence can weaken that drive and I guess in some ways discipline and respect to the art. Taking on a new type of fuel that I am actually kind of excited about because I have never done it before. More fruits and vegetables and sourcing different types of protein could be fun and will do me some good I'm sure. I officially signed up for san shou tonight and will be ready to get a good schooling from our elite next Tuesday. As far as getting in time to train I will just have to make changes to suit as I have done before. So be it.
Brian Chervenka

Gears of my machine

First of all, I want to appologize to not only the team but give myself a slap for posting a couple days late. I am not going to go into it but it involves a word that starts with "w". Looking where I am at regarding my training is going to involve a number of changes. I have to open up the drive train and change out the gearing. Right now they are gummed up, rounded and in some places chipped. Not to mention the oil is dark. As of late my diet completely sucks, metabolism requires a tune up and cleaner fuel. I basically live on coffee and sporadic food binges with absolutely no balance. No time off and burning out as a result. Numbers are low but consistent and I am following through on writing something down everyday, although vague, its happening. I plan on doing some major changes in the next few weeks. Ripping open the gears and changing them out to a whole new gear set. Mix up the ratios and get back to the top fuel state I was in a short time ago. I really want to grade this year and I really want to pass. Enough said on that. First, in order to stay engaged and demand performance, not to mention a good schooling, I am signing up for san shou. I feel after listening to ample amounts of advice and witnessing the benefits in others around me this will be highly beneficial to my soon to be advanced and demanding training regiment. Second major change which in all honesty, freaks me out a little. I am going to try get my diet on track and burn a different type of fuel I have never considered, ever. For the month of April I am going to try to be a vegetarian. This will do me some good to clean out the system and detoxify as I'm sure there are copious amount of toxins and probably a small I beam in there somewhere. My wifes on board which is good because she knows way more about this stuff than I do. I think if it wasn't for my partner joining me, it might be easy to say to heck with this, I'm not a rabbit, give me a steak. It also gives us an opportunity to try to reach a challenge together and thats always cool. Well thats all I have for this week. See you all on Friday.
Brian Chervenka

Setting the targets

Looking ahead into the new year raises the bar of  actually how far I need to be in my training to accomplish earning a black belt. I feel in a lot of ways I set myself back farther than I actually thought. Not so good if this is going to be the year I take the challenge of grading. I learnt much from the mistakes I made last year, which should make things a lot better to plan and organize a routine for this term. As sceptical as I may seem at this moment in time only installs the determination to succeed and fulfil my goal to get to the next level of training. It was mentioned at the meeting that a person shouldn't put the accomplishment of black belt as a triumph to the top but look at it as another plateau or another turn in your path to wherever it is you envision as your destiny. I have always looked at it this way and I do see where I want to be. I know in my heart and in my future vision I can accomplish this with a few added things to keep the mindset where it should be. First step is to journal absolutely everything I can for reference purposes and focus. When I was journaling regularly last year the inspiration to go above and beyond came to be an installed motivator, it does really work if you stick to it. I'm not going to get wrapped up in the numbers like I did last year, it just installs stress and brings you down if you let it. This challenge is designed to be fun and hone you and your multitude of skills to a perfectly polished and sharp machine. Don't get wrapped up in the numbers. Stick to the plan and see through the requirement for what it really is and the numbers will take care of themselves. I will mix up all the requirements again because that will take the monotony of it away. I found trying to do a bit of everything each day became way too overwhelming and took the fun out of it. I plan on completing the less time consuming requirements first and foremost, to concentrate on one thing at a time aside from remaining dedicated to the physical requirements. One thing that a person taking on this challenge should understand right off the get go is don't try to do this all on your own. I'm not really cool with reaching out to others because I have done things on my own for a long time. Last year taught me something new. You are no less of a person to ask for help or be willing to work with others to accomplish your goals. They need you just as much as you will need them. I gained a lot of help and inspiration from members of the team last year. Sifu Wetter posted a multitude of advice regarding a plan to layout a weapon form which was very helpful. Thanks again Sifu. If any one is interested in what he had to say I can forward you his post. It was an awesome tool from a Sifu that has a few weapon forms under his belt. Sifu Rybak gave us all a swift kick in the ass that we all deserved and motivated us to put our skills out there and get our first demo together. It was pretty cool witnessing the creativity that Sifu coordinated and to be part of the end result. Sifu pushed us out of our comfort zones and expected more out of us than what we may have felt was good enough. Thanks go to you too Sifu Rybak. One thing that I did was write down any piece of advice or something that stuck in my head from a team mate and wrote it in my journal and I intend to do the same this year because it helped keep the motivation up and the connection true to the team. If you are stuck on something use, kwoon talk. This is a tool that is highly neglected and it is probably one of the greater displays of how dedicated our teachers are. There are a number of black belts that check kwoon talk quite frequently. I have posted many question regarding training and have always received advice or direction within hours. Not only from one black belt, but several, which gives you many perspectives on how you can decipher and solve your problems. I have a really good feeling about this year and look forward to training and succeeding with not only my teammates, but those that I will work along side with to achieve black belt this year.
Brian Chervenka

Fuel

I am spending alot of time lately pondering on diet and the food that is distributed to the public. Most of it is absolute garbage and I really don't understand how you can loosen regulations on what is and what is not allowed to be put in our food. I really don't get how you can legally get away with installing disease such as cancer and diabetes and all the effects that come with genetically modifying our food in the name of money, and literally and slowly killing people by the masses. Where I come from that is known as murder and quite frankly these are people we can honestly do without. There is also the total bullshit claim of how they're so many more people to feed and they have to do this in order to feed everyone. Once upon a time before the corporate disease and sociopaths took over everything, we had hundreds of thousands of honest farmers. We had great economic relationships with other countries that supplied us with natural, non modified products. We used to have massive sugar beet farms, animals that used to be fed by crops people grew. Now we use corn syrup and steroids.  Then came a bunch of clowns that said why are you wasting all that time and money to feed your livestock. Grow massive corn fields that require very little maintenance or overhead and shoot these steroid implants in the cows ear. Feed them corn that has nothing in it really that is of any benefit to man nor beast. The corn fools the animals digestive system to think it is eating what it is supposed too and the steroids make the animal grow that much faster and the money comes in that much quicker. No more extra costs, just quicker profits with less overhead. For those of you that eat meat you will notice something if you really pay attention. Most meat nowadays has no flavor and when you cook it, its mostly water. Welcome to the world of steroids. All this crap is altering our genetics as people and killing us. If you don't believe me try to hook yourself up with a farmer that feeds their animals naturally and see if you can buy a chicken off him or whatever. You'll realize I know what I'm talking about. I came from a farm and lived in southern Alberta, an area that was rich with pork, chicken, and beef farmers. I seen the crops change and the steroids come in. I also seen how normal people became rich fast and the after effects. Another good example is wheat and soy. Wheat wasn't bad for you like it is now because the seeds my father bought weren't altered to grow the perfect kernel regardless of weather or soil. To be the right weight and size. There was also many places to buy different types of seeds. Now you can probably count on the fact it is monopolized by some corporation with some sociopath at the helm. Soy, same story. Pretty sad overall when you look at all these shareholders that are financial backing to disease and murder. Thinking that just because they put a sociopath in place to run operations, that it washes their hands of all responsibility and they didn't know. Really though, how pathetic are you as a person to poison woman and children and think we are all stupid in the name of money. How much is enough. When are we going to stop being sheep and start restoring the community and annihilate the disconnection. Why are we as a whole buying into the crap that we read and watch on television and see it as truth. Why have we let corporations become stronger than the very people we voted in, to run our governments. The same people that should have stepped in stopped all of this from happening in the first place. Things have to change, but one mans rant/meltdown isn't going to do it. We have to change together as people.

Not Much

At this point  I am at quite a loss for words. Lots going on this last little while and many things on my plate. I don't want to fall into the same groove as last year of not blogging because I have nothing to say or I don't feel anything is revelant. Any type of word or communication to the team is revelant and is the bare minimum requirement.  I can say the energy was high in the kwoon last friday and a huge assortment of weapons which should make for some pretty cool weapon forms and fight choreography. It was also really cool to see some new and some familiar faces this year. I look forward to training with you all. I also look forward to training and preparing for grading this year.
Brian Chervenka