Chaos is Normal

The last few weeks have been crazy for me as all my regular routines have been tossed into a box and dropped down a well. It's nothing new though except one thing, my approach. Things really went south a few weeks ago when my latest project which was supposed to be 5-10's, turned into 7 days a week and 10 hours plus. Earlier start times and throw a 1 hour 20 min drive one way into the equation, leaves very little time to get in some quality training. What about those short days, well that would be perfect to get to the kwoon but there's one problem. A major vehicle repair that has too be completed before this up and coming weekend as it is a major component to towing our trailer as our annual camping trip is coming fast. Now normally I would be beating the crap out of myself and questioning my grit. Labeling myself as a failure and convincing myself that I am no black belt. Once I have beat myself and my integrity to a pulp, I will move onto to anger and question the whole process and write it off as it is stupid and the expectations are pointless as nobody has time to do this if your busy. Shortly after that, I feel like an idiot for throwing my Kung Fu away and try to start over, only ending up at the beginning of the same circle, ending with the same crappy attitude.

That was then, this is now. I know for a fact I have what it takes and then some. Where I have been and how I got here speaks volumes as I look back. The process does work and it works well if you embrace it and keep it close. You have to remind yourself that no matter what happens or how messed up things can become, your Kung Fu is there and it can be applied at anytime or anywhere. The reason I say this is I have been down this road before in my training and in my life and seemed to make it this far. I haven't stopped training at all, I haven't stopped keeping my goals in front of me, and my attitude remains open and adaptable. There is plenty of stuff that can be done in a day. I may not be able to get what I want done, but what is getting done is mindful and I respect and enjoy every chance I can get to train. I have made some great discoveries and have plenty of opportunities to apply them. I have learned through my mistakes and have used them as tools. I have observed and applied changes to my approach from watching and listening to others. As I have mentioned before, I am really enjoying this year and come November, I will leave the kwoon as a Black Belt and damn proud because this time, I got over myself and remember quite clearly what I am. That's just the way it's going to have to be. My life life is not going to change to suit my training, my training is going to have to learn to adjust to the chaos, it's that simple. Chaos is my norm and with Kung Fu a part of it, there is no fail, only endless opportunity. See you at the kwoon.

On The Road to Black Belt

It's a long haul to becoming a Black Belt in a traditional school. You can't buy it. You can't just wing it through, and you can't brown nose your way to the top. Blood, sweat, and tears will get you through indeed. But that's not even close to the tools you need. Compassion and awareness for yourself and others is one of the primary necessities that branches off into a full arsenal of what you need to bring to the table. Compassion for yourself to accept and embrace your failures. Awareness to comprehend the ripple effect you can and may have on others. It seems the more lethal you become, the more peaceful you become. Determination and discipline are there as well. Discipline to do and continue to do your homework and maintain the standard and uphold it to the level it was given to you and what you may eventually pass to those behind you. Determination to succeed and perfect in every aspect of your struggles and goals in all areas of your style or discipline. It's not easy, because if it was there would be Black Belts walking all over the place. There's not though and that's a good thing. Inspirational mentors that lead through example and if you are fortunate enough to learn from and be held accountable by, you have discovered the path. The rest is on you.

All of that being said, I can tell you through experience and personal perspective, attempting to reach Black Belt for me has been a long road. Many times I have chosen to take the long road because of those qualities I have mentioned above were lacking, non existant, or were just simply tossed as far as I could throw them. I thought a few times that I may just end up being a career Sihing. To hell with this. But, no matter how far I ventured off, no matter how deep I isolated myself, no matter how resentful and arrogant I became about all of these requirments, no matter how many public fails and deep disappointment in myself rose to anger... I continue to come back. I could always see the light in the distant some where. I always ended up searching through the long grass of regret and descending the deep valleys walls of resentement, or diving deep into the sess pool of pride, to get my tools back and polish them back to the lustre of a martial artist on the road to the level of Black Belt.

I feel really good about this year as my perspective and path forward has changed in a big way. I accept my fails and embrace those that have influenced me. I feel like I am so far behind in some areas, but so far advanced in others that it blows my mind and leaves me vapour locked. I look forward to making my teachers and fellow students that have shared so much of their skill and time with me very proud. I look forward to the day when I can wipe the dirt off my face and say, Yup, I am a part of the linage and legacy of our school. I am a Black Belt....Yah, I like that and I hope those of you on your own journey can too. See you at the Kwoon.

Canada Day 2016

This year's Canada Day was pretty cool.  I have never been involved in a demo to this magnitude and variety.  The lion, dragon, all the weapons and hand forms, and for good measure, 1000 push up and sit ups. It was a really good day and I enjoyed seeing the members of this team display their skill and challenge their comfort zones by just jumping in on the dragon,  even if they had no idea.  Publicly. That really reflects to me just how connected this team is as everyone seems to find comfort regardless of environment.  That is really awesome.

Another area I thought really showed the skill level of this team was to pull a 10 second piece out of your form.  Some of our members had no idea that was coming,  but they went behind the tent, created a piece,  and performed publicly.  That is skill to surpass a challenge like that and succeed.

Now I have to talk about my public board break. My first attempt was by far the most embarrassing board break I have ever done.  I felt that I not only embarrassed myself, but the team as well. I mean let's face it for what it was...bad. Way too much in a hurry and not calming my mind properly. There were mixed emotions at the time to deal with when I was given a second attempt and while performing it. Seeing the first board fly into Sifus face like a bullet concerned me,  then it was oh yeah I'm  in the middle of a board break here! I'm really thankful that the rest broke.

Fortunately I was also given footage of the break,  (thank you Sihing, your awesome)  which gave me some analytical insight to work with.  First board,  I jammed that kick by being too close to the target,  but on a positive note the power was straight out.  The second and third boards,  there is no footwork involved and just straight up blunt force trauma,  I switched into caterpillar D9 mode. There's no grounded technique here.  The fourth and final board was a really wild experience though. I thought I missed the board completely. I didn't feel nothing except very light contact on my heel.  It was as if I just extended the leg and lightly touched the board with my heel.  I don't really remember much going into the fourth break either,  but I was sure happy to see Mr.  Duncan holding a piece of the board.

So a lot of good stuff to work with here.  I have to do a successful public board break before I earn a black belt. I can't leave this behind as incomplete as I will never feel right about it knowing that the majority of my public breaks were fails.  One last note,  I just want to say thanks to the team for a wonderful day and a big thanks to all the guy's that held the  boards for me. Sorry about the board to the face, but I put that on Sifu R Langner! See you at the kwoon.

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Vulnerbilities

In one way or another, each and everyone of us has a weak link or soft spot in our armour. Many claim to carry a coat of armour that is impenetrable, but I honestly believe that leans more to desensitization or denial to face your shortcomings. They are more scared than anything about how others see them, but yet boast of rootless and hollow life knowledge. I have no time for these types. I do however have all the time in the world and hold high admiration to those that expose the inner challenges and choose to face them head on. That takes courage  and also displays strong character and massive inner confidence. A seed that just simply needs to be planted and nurished, that through dedication and tolerance to themselves will grow into a 300 ft. redwood. I also learn a valuable lesson, as we all should,  from those who hold admittance and practice with discipline, tools that have been provided to them through consultation of experience and respect to that source. I honestly believe practicing martial arts with respect and passion will solidify any vulnerbilities and turn it into something extrodinary instead of a vulnerbility.

Move like a Cat

I was just thinking how I move like a cat, a caterpillar D9 that is. That's pretty much how I view myself during my amateur hour attempt at Tai Chi and many other aspects of my Kung Fu. It's not always this graceful though! I'm just glad Sifu Dennis or Sifu Vantuil hasn't had to view this slaughter of a fine art.

Every since last years boot camp when I was introduced to a number of internal Kung Fu training such as walking meditation, Tai Chi, and something I was never exposed too, Nygong,(spelling?) I was hooked, But I was intrigued and some what surprised at the feelings and results of that day. The internal power and burning sensation of actually feeling Chi to that level was something that was amazing and I hope by years end I can dispatch and utilize my Chi as necessary and into more aspects of my Kung Fu. I have felt it since but not to that level.... yet.

I feel I am getting closer though as it has come around more often the last while during form reps and during my caterpillar D9 Tai Chi. Some days I really connect with it while doing clouded hands?? The physical part of the six harmonies are in check, when my hands start to tingle and my weight transfers are feeling perfect, it's something I can't really describe but I do know this much, I feel light as a feather, but have the power to pick up a truck and throw it. I really enjoy the intensity of my mind at this time. I am relaxed but extremely focused. I am in touch with every sound, every movement around me and am ready to react if I had to, but not in a tense way, when I'm there I could shatter a bolder if it was thrown at me, but my mind wouldn't flinch, back to calm. Overall it's pretty damn cool. Other times I look like I am having a seizure and there is absolutely no connection to anything, and nothing is working in unison. Oh well, all on the quest for mastery and the depths of old school Kung Fu. See you at the Kwoon.

Somethings Not Right

Let's start with the doctor stuff. Turns out the last while the meds I have been prescribed are having zero effect and so that means my thyroid is doing nothing but hanging out having a nap. That would explain a number of things that have been going very wrong. I have had to really push myself to keep moving forward. When I feel like this, I push anyway, but when I stop I could easily fall asleep while standing. Apparently this is bad. Bad as in long term health problems and very serious repercussions. I had serious brain fog happening and although I had all the intention to do all kinds of things, less than half of that actually happened. Tired, bad bad attitude, and a very short tolerance for others around me. I never really lashed out at anyone as I managed to keep my cool, but there were times when I could have easily been a reasonable facsimile to a flame thrower or a wrecking ball on steroids. Not cool and not like me at all. Training was very hard as my focus was next to impossible to direct. Figuring out or moving forward on situations that I could easily do in my sleep just wasn't happening. I noticed I had to push very hard during my physical training, harder than usual.  I thought, what the hells going on here? I can't do anything, I can't think. Losing my appetite.... has the condition gotten worse... wait... losing my appetite.... better go see the man in the long white coat. Well after a long conversation and some enquires, the conclusion was, your meds are not working and from what your telling me, they haven't been working for sometime now. Oh that's awesome. So I'm on different ones and although it's only been a few days, I can feel a slight change every day. This is a good thing, so more tests down the road and hopefully I'll find the correct dosage and become balanced once again.
 With July around the corner I am going to be doing some gradual but drastic change ups in my diet and consumption. I'm going to experiment with what goes into my body and what will no longer. I don't believe a lot of what I read or follow the latest trend "experts". I'm the type of person that needs to see and feel it for myself because we are all different and as are the effects. I see this situation as a serious wake up call. People count on me, I want to see and get more out of my life, that will be very difficult with a terrible disease or worse yet I die. Action is now and ill fated intention is bulls#$t. I'll keep you all posted and many blogs to come as there is quite a bit more to my story as of late. See you at the Kwoon.

An Overview Overdue

So I had some issues in regards to my electronics the last while that has prevented me from getting my blogs out. This is no excuse however as I did have plenty of time to post before these problems rose to frustration. I do have a ton of patience but not enough to try to finish or write a blog with my fat fingers and tiny phone screen. Sorry for the MIA. Rather than try to post a bunch of blogs at once, I'll post one with a little piece of each one.

Weapon training is something I truly enjoy. As much as I like to put my self in a virtual battle in my mind, hacking up bad guys and what have you, I also really enjoy the technical side of it. Training with a weapon of any sort can expose your stance weaknesses, challenge your timing, and really help creativity from your mind and then try to translate it through your body, way cool and way too much fun. One thing about building your own weapon form though, you have to keep in mind, it's just like any other form. When it starts to evolve, the flow and transitions change. Areas of your form will become more stable and faster that may not coincide with the others. So much is effected but unfortunately, not necessarily at the same time. This can create frustration and doubt, but the important part is to not venture too far off of your original vision and just tweek the form a little at a time instead of massive changes. I tend to learn this the hard way. I had a pretty good Twin Axe form going and was doing a few reps a day. I knew our first demo was coming and I assured myself and others it would be demo ready. Well, I ended up getting side tracked and my daily weapon form reps went to the way side. A few days before the demo, I was doing my form and thought, "I really don't like this part, I have a few days, so I'll change it" and began to change a bunch of stuff shortly before the demo. This was a really dumb move as I had a bunch of muscle memory trained into my mind a body and thought I could re program myself and my movements, nope. As a result my form really sucked and the last 1/3 was on auto pilot as I had no clue or idea what I was doing, thank goodness I remembered the finish. So this was a good reminder as to why all aspects of our training must move together in an incremental fashion and if your going to change things, do so way ahead of the due date.

I have had a true misconception of the first part of the six harmonies, as I felt they should be moving all at once from last technique completion, through transition, to next technique execution. The problem here is that yes they move together, but not how I was applying them. I was missing the steps, technique, return to center, settle into the stance, apply technique timed with a good solid grounding. I was trying to do this all at once, but skipping a lot of these important steps, which makes the whole system useless. There is no solidification or centering involved this way or power/grounding in the techniques.This might not make sense, but long story short, I have been doing this form sometime and it is taking a lot of work to break the habit. Oh well, all on the quest for mastery indeed.

All or nothing reared it's ugly head on me again. This problem has been much to my demise many a time. It's a tough balance sometimes to separate your work or occupational mindset form your Kung Fu work ethic. I have trouble with this at times. If there is a problem or task that needs to be tended to then it's all or nothing until the issue is solved meanwhile other things go to the way side and then the cycle begins, which ends up turning into a big pile of tangled mess frustration and you just want to say to hell with all of this. This wastes time and removes your full control of what you need to do or take care of in a very unproductive and unhealthy way as it festers to negativity and bad choices as to what you need in your life and what you don't. I have changed my approach this year to the mindset that incremental progress is key, period. I was trying to fix a few trouble areas in my Kung Fu and as a result, that's where all my focus went and I paid for it buy not practicing other areas, all or nothing came into play and then I looked back and realized what other areas were being left behind. This isn't healthy, productive, or efficient training. I stopped, reviewed my requirements and goals and now I am proceeding in a much more stable and productive fashion. It's not easy to stay away from this mindset for me, at work and other areas it's go until your done, less important things can wait. This doesn't work in Kung Fu or other areas and I hope by the time the year is over, I can learn to stay on the incremental focus and practice a healthier approach.

I had the opportunity to get in some sparring last week during the que belt classes. I haven't sparred since the last san shou class, which is way too long of a stretch. I really enjoy sparring and almost forgot just how valuable of a tool it is. I hope we'll see the return of san shou someday but in the meantime I am going to try to get to open training as I understand there is a group that spars there every week. Good stuff indeed.

Sorry for the long post and scattered theme, but I had to let you know what's been up for the last while. I am currently on a 12 hour nighshift schedule for a few more days and then I am flying out to the west coast for a few days, but I will be back next week. I hope everyones training is going well. See you at the Kwoon.