Stage 1 of my years layout never really panned out and stage 2 is already lagging behind. As far as goals reached for February I came up short on just about everything except distance. I managed to walk a total of 60 km and did achieve 37 weapon form reps and 24 of each school form reps. I only achieved a solid 3 min horse stance with bean bags. This all came before I injured myself. I look at this is good though because I did all of this in a short period of time with the exception of the distance. I have been using an app on my phone to track my distance and this also helps to keep me moving. A while back I seen just everyday walking not really eligible to count towards your distance goal. But when you run out of training options you have to find something to work towards and get something done. I found utilizing this tool to be helpful not only towards my goals, but also helpful in my healing process. It kept me moving and engaged, but also motivated me to forge ahead.
Stage 2 of my monthly goals is going to have to be heavily modified. Lot's needs to be revised as my direction and focus has changed. Fail or not I am showing up to the kwoon on May 2 to grade and that's all there is to it. I don't care if I show up in a wheel chair, it's happening. I have changed my mindset from I am not ready or this does not meet the school standards; to ready or not here I come whether you like it or not. I tend to be very hard on myself and I set my standards very high. I do understand there is no such thing as perfect, believe me I get that. But I can't stand half effort or no heart or even go on to say no class when I do something I believe in. I understand now though, it's not my place to decide whether the standard is met or not. It's my place to show my Sifu's present at my grading what I've got and show the students of our school what it takes.
My work schedule was supposed to dwindle down after this past weekend of 12 hour shifts and float into a Monday to Friday rotation which was supposed to blend together quite well from now to the beginning of May. However, if you have watched the news today and have heard what has happened, you will understand it will be a crazy next while as we were faced with a major draw back. Fortunately, and ultimately, everyone went home and to me that's all that matters.
I have a big challenge ahead of me if I am to be prepared for May. I have to pretty much start at the beginning of my training and ramp up substantially if I am even going to stand a chance. Between my relentless work hours and life in general this is going to be tough. Good, at this point in my Kung Fu this might be just what the doctor ordered. Keep you in the loop as I go. See you at the kwoon.
Monday, 16 March 2015
Sunday, 8 March 2015
Throwing in the Towel......
Just like anybody, I have had my moments of knee jerk reactions. Unexpected
demands and unexpected events from situations that you don't see coming or your not used to dealing with will fuel the irrational thought engine with high octane. When one of the key components that work in unison with your personal mechanics suddenly fails, the remaining components must compensate. Each one of these components hold a different duty and when you try to continue as you normally would and impose something they are not compatible with, everything piles up and you cease to function correctly. Kind of like putting diesel fuel in your windshield washer reservoir. It will still work, but its function is pointless.
As time has progressed I have had the toughest challenges thrown at me in quite some time. One of the most important things in my life is my Kung Fu. I have been down with an injury and absent from the kwoon for various reasons, but have been trying to grasp other areas to remain engaged and continue to advance. This is where adaptability comes in. Well that can go only so far when the physical aspect has been forcibly removed and it was something that helped you along the way. You see the physical part of it is my escape. That is how I remove stress, maintain my mental and physical health, my ability to adapt. My balance. That's my dump valve for negativity, my mental equalizer, and one of my main sources of chi energy. It is one of my "Big Three" that I continue to pursue mastery in. I have lost my ability to physically train at a time where I probably need it the most.
My injury provoked an explosion of emotions the other day. They consisted of raging anger, self doubt, self pity, and despair. I have been trying to do whatever I can to keep things moving and to regain my strength and range of motion as my injury allows. Listening to my body and trying to remain careful and patient. I tried to do forms, combinations, techniques, all resulting in pain. I tried to do a plank and realized just how messed up my core is. From going to 4 minutes and beyond to a very shakey 30 seconds and an inconsistent pattern of healing put me over the edge. I thought to heck with this, I'm done. I have fallen so far behind and at this rate there is no way I'll way I'll be ready for May 2. All my physical training is deteriorating and it will take forever to get it back. Everyone is advancing and I'm sitting here eating dust. I'm going quit and who cares. I'll never get caught up and no one is going to miss me anyway. I'm never there and when I should be, some thing comes up that I have to do or deal with, or fix. To heck with all of this! What if I can't train anymore? What if this is permanent? This sucks so bad!
I stepped back and thought about my words and actions. I realized that' not How I roll and I cannot lose my mindset or my direction. This is a huge opportunity for me to make a tremendous leap of advancement mentally and physically in my Kung Fu. This is also a tremendous wake up call on the absolute importance to maintain a powerful and balanced core. Your core is everything, period. That is the source of all your power and stability, and mine will require a full rebuild and revised discipline. I just have to be patient and change my perspective. Quiting things that are tough have never been in my nature and this thought process is not welcome. It doesn't matter who or what it is, discontinuing to fight or adapt to find a way to bust through obstacles will lead you to a downward spiral. Quitting or avoiding things is a false sense of action, a distorted justification of well being. The issues will still be there and if you don't take them on, that regret will follow you around for the rest of your life. I'm not into that and so the journey must continue, regardless of the challenges. See you at the Kwoon.
demands and unexpected events from situations that you don't see coming or your not used to dealing with will fuel the irrational thought engine with high octane. When one of the key components that work in unison with your personal mechanics suddenly fails, the remaining components must compensate. Each one of these components hold a different duty and when you try to continue as you normally would and impose something they are not compatible with, everything piles up and you cease to function correctly. Kind of like putting diesel fuel in your windshield washer reservoir. It will still work, but its function is pointless.
As time has progressed I have had the toughest challenges thrown at me in quite some time. One of the most important things in my life is my Kung Fu. I have been down with an injury and absent from the kwoon for various reasons, but have been trying to grasp other areas to remain engaged and continue to advance. This is where adaptability comes in. Well that can go only so far when the physical aspect has been forcibly removed and it was something that helped you along the way. You see the physical part of it is my escape. That is how I remove stress, maintain my mental and physical health, my ability to adapt. My balance. That's my dump valve for negativity, my mental equalizer, and one of my main sources of chi energy. It is one of my "Big Three" that I continue to pursue mastery in. I have lost my ability to physically train at a time where I probably need it the most.
My injury provoked an explosion of emotions the other day. They consisted of raging anger, self doubt, self pity, and despair. I have been trying to do whatever I can to keep things moving and to regain my strength and range of motion as my injury allows. Listening to my body and trying to remain careful and patient. I tried to do forms, combinations, techniques, all resulting in pain. I tried to do a plank and realized just how messed up my core is. From going to 4 minutes and beyond to a very shakey 30 seconds and an inconsistent pattern of healing put me over the edge. I thought to heck with this, I'm done. I have fallen so far behind and at this rate there is no way I'll way I'll be ready for May 2. All my physical training is deteriorating and it will take forever to get it back. Everyone is advancing and I'm sitting here eating dust. I'm going quit and who cares. I'll never get caught up and no one is going to miss me anyway. I'm never there and when I should be, some thing comes up that I have to do or deal with, or fix. To heck with all of this! What if I can't train anymore? What if this is permanent? This sucks so bad!
I stepped back and thought about my words and actions. I realized that' not How I roll and I cannot lose my mindset or my direction. This is a huge opportunity for me to make a tremendous leap of advancement mentally and physically in my Kung Fu. This is also a tremendous wake up call on the absolute importance to maintain a powerful and balanced core. Your core is everything, period. That is the source of all your power and stability, and mine will require a full rebuild and revised discipline. I just have to be patient and change my perspective. Quiting things that are tough have never been in my nature and this thought process is not welcome. It doesn't matter who or what it is, discontinuing to fight or adapt to find a way to bust through obstacles will lead you to a downward spiral. Quitting or avoiding things is a false sense of action, a distorted justification of well being. The issues will still be there and if you don't take them on, that regret will follow you around for the rest of your life. I'm not into that and so the journey must continue, regardless of the challenges. See you at the Kwoon.
Monday, 2 March 2015
Caged Animal
This is pretty much how I feel right now. Chomping at the bit to charge fully into my Kung Fu and not being able to go to it's full potential has been frustrating. I have been writing and doing whatever I can do, but it hasn't been much. I feel like I am trapped in an iron cage and no matter how many times I chew, kick, punch, or bounce myself off the walls, I can't get out. Time is moving fast and a deadline to be fully prepared for grading is just around the corner. Working 7 days a week hasn't really given me an opportunity to heal properly but I am a firm believer that just sitting still is going to cause more damage than good. This particular injury has been one of the most weirdest I have ever encountered. Pain and tired muscles have been moving all over the place and has been very difficult to pin point indeed. The reflexologist that I typically see is relocating and is unavailable until the middle of the month. I have gone to see a chiropractor and it seemed to help some. I have been given exercises to try and found this to be helpful and I have a follow up appointment tomorrow. We'll see what happens.
I have been going through a lot of personal challenges lately that seem to be coming at me like a machine gun. One after another they come and one after another I sort them out. Keeping the perspective that these are opportunities that will make me a better person and make me that much more stronger mentally has kept me focused on achieving my goals and strengthening my weaknesses. This makes me that much better at Kung Fu and will make me that much better at using correct judgement and empathy to help not only my self, but all of those that may need help along the way. Maybe I'm wrong at this observation and practice, but for now, it's working for various situations I have been encountering.
Moving on though I have found other ways to stay engaged and when it is go time. I have a solid structure laid out that should serve me well. I know that I will have to start from the beginning slowly and work my way back up. That's just the way it has to be. Once I feel better and I am able to continue my training, I will proceed with caution. As much as I would love to charge back in wide open and make up for lost time, I cannot just pick up where I left off. This kind of stupidity will put me right back where I am now or worse. Yes, it's a downer but I chose to remain positive and keep my eyes and thoughts to the future and hold the vision of seeing myself where I want to be. I have been on the bench now for almost 3 weeks and have been taking notes during Sihing class and have been visually thinking of a new weapon form and going through all of my other forms, curriculum, and five personal techniques. I know what needs to be done and just how I'm going to do it. Now that my full attention is no longer required at home and in order to stay completely engaged and not lose focus, I plan on being at the kwoon as much as possible to observe and take notes while I am down. Even on the bench watching and taking notes can be just as important and as beneficial as physically participating. You have to take advantage of all opportunity's when your down in order to stay up. See you at the kwoon.
I have been going through a lot of personal challenges lately that seem to be coming at me like a machine gun. One after another they come and one after another I sort them out. Keeping the perspective that these are opportunities that will make me a better person and make me that much more stronger mentally has kept me focused on achieving my goals and strengthening my weaknesses. This makes me that much better at Kung Fu and will make me that much better at using correct judgement and empathy to help not only my self, but all of those that may need help along the way. Maybe I'm wrong at this observation and practice, but for now, it's working for various situations I have been encountering.
Moving on though I have found other ways to stay engaged and when it is go time. I have a solid structure laid out that should serve me well. I know that I will have to start from the beginning slowly and work my way back up. That's just the way it has to be. Once I feel better and I am able to continue my training, I will proceed with caution. As much as I would love to charge back in wide open and make up for lost time, I cannot just pick up where I left off. This kind of stupidity will put me right back where I am now or worse. Yes, it's a downer but I chose to remain positive and keep my eyes and thoughts to the future and hold the vision of seeing myself where I want to be. I have been on the bench now for almost 3 weeks and have been taking notes during Sihing class and have been visually thinking of a new weapon form and going through all of my other forms, curriculum, and five personal techniques. I know what needs to be done and just how I'm going to do it. Now that my full attention is no longer required at home and in order to stay completely engaged and not lose focus, I plan on being at the kwoon as much as possible to observe and take notes while I am down. Even on the bench watching and taking notes can be just as important and as beneficial as physically participating. You have to take advantage of all opportunity's when your down in order to stay up. See you at the kwoon.
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