Throwing in the Towel......

Just like anybody, I have had my moments of knee jerk reactions. Unexpected
demands and unexpected events from situations that you don't see coming or your not used to dealing with will fuel the irrational thought engine with high octane. When one of the key components that work in unison with your personal mechanics suddenly fails, the remaining components must compensate. Each one of these components hold a different duty and when you try to continue as you normally would and impose something they are not compatible with, everything piles up and you cease to function correctly. Kind of like putting diesel fuel in your windshield washer reservoir. It will still work, but its function is pointless.

As time has progressed I have had the toughest challenges thrown at me in quite some time. One of the most important things in my life is my Kung Fu. I have been down with an injury and absent from the kwoon for various reasons, but have been trying to grasp other areas to remain engaged and continue to advance. This is where adaptability comes in. Well that can go only so far when the physical aspect has been forcibly removed and it was something that helped you along the way. You see the physical part of it is my escape. That is how I remove stress, maintain my mental and physical health, my ability to adapt. My balance. That's my dump valve for negativity, my mental equalizer, and one of my main sources of chi energy. It is one of my "Big Three" that I continue to pursue mastery in. I have lost my ability to physically train at a time where I probably need it the most.

My injury provoked an explosion of emotions the other day. They consisted of raging anger, self doubt, self pity, and despair. I have been trying to do whatever I can to keep things moving and to regain my strength and range of motion as my injury allows. Listening to my body and trying to remain careful and patient. I tried to do forms, combinations, techniques, all resulting in pain. I tried to do a plank and realized just how messed up my core is. From going to 4 minutes and beyond to a very shakey 30 seconds and an inconsistent pattern of healing put me over the edge. I thought to heck with this, I'm done. I have fallen so far behind and at this rate there is no way I'll way I'll be ready for May 2. All my physical training is deteriorating and it will take forever to get it back. Everyone is advancing and I'm sitting here eating dust. I'm going quit and who cares. I'll never get caught up and no one is going to miss me anyway. I'm never there and when I should be, some thing comes up that I have to do or deal with, or fix. To heck with all of this! What if I can't train anymore? What if this is permanent? This sucks so bad!

I stepped back and thought about my words and actions. I realized that' not How I roll and I cannot lose my mindset or my direction. This is a huge opportunity for me to make a tremendous leap of advancement mentally and physically in my Kung Fu. This is also a tremendous wake up call on the absolute importance to maintain a powerful and balanced core. Your core is everything, period. That is the source of all your power and stability, and mine will require a full rebuild and revised discipline. I just have to be patient and change my perspective. Quiting things that are tough have never been in my nature and this thought process is not welcome. It doesn't matter who or what it is, discontinuing to fight or adapt to find a way to bust through obstacles will lead you to a downward spiral. Quitting or avoiding things is a false sense of action, a distorted justification of well being. The issues will still be there and if you don't take them on, that regret will follow you around for the rest of your life. I'm not into that and so the journey must continue, regardless of the challenges. See you at the Kwoon.