The Tiger Challenge and Everything Else

What an awesome tournament. I like the Tiger Challenge, it's an awesome opportunity that gives back so much. It was cool to see all the skilled martial artists of all ages really show their stuff. Witnessing and being part of  the various moments of triumphs and defeats, the ah ha moments and the "Man, I cant believe I just did that! moments, and let's not gloss over the "Oh oh I'm out of room" moments.
 I can honestly say I experienced all of them. From not taking the space that was offered and completely jamming myself on my weapon form and screwing up the whole flow and timing, I was lucky to even finish the form, but I did.... almost. My hand form was not good, and for some reason I took off into this mutated, puppy scratching the door to be let in, Loa Gar tiger claws when sparing with Sihing Fuhr. That was the, "Man I can't believe I just did that!" moment. Plus we should not let the board break fail go with out mention. Lack of being prepared, not being in the moment, rushing through things, really screwed up just about everything for me. I felt I could have done better in my sparring if I didn't move like a D9 Cat, but this goes back to lack of preparation. This is all a lesson that goes back to training discipline and overall balance, and preparation. Being in the moment and taking control of yourself instead of running on auto pilot. It doesn't work. But it is experiences like the Tiger Challenge that can expose these things and give you the tools to do better. Leaving the Kwoon yesterday, I didn't feel good at all about my performance, but I did feel good about what I learned and what I witnessed. I left with a motivation to do better. To work harder. I left with a bag of tools to apply and a lesson learned on all about being in the moment at all times. Aside from all of that and how it may appear, I'm in a good place and can't wait to get back to the kwoon and work on all of the things that makes it all worth it. See you at the Kwoon.

Moving Forward Under Load

I've been having some great moments at the Kwoon lately and I'm sure there is plenty to come. Changing my perspective and perhaps to a degree, I have gotten over myself and I am feeling myself gravitating towards a very positive place. So much going on right now, and to be honest, I love it. This is going to sky rocket my engagement to extraordinary levels. Pushing myself to the extreme is what I need to do to accelerate my well being and my character back to where it needs to be and being able to be at the kwoon as much as I am able is going to be the key.

I am continuing the pursuit of optimal fitness level and being able to lead a fair amount of warm ups lately is helping a lot. The students are doing awesome and they keep the energy high. So doing this together with my fellow students just makes it that much better and motivates me to be more creative and push harder.

Form reps has been my go to place to cover a high number of basics and new discoveries. As I have said before if you don't have a lot of time, forms are the best part of your training to use if you want to cover a lot of areas by doing one thing. Forms cover all of your core needs; stances, kicks, techniques, technique completion, timing, muscle building, and mental exercise, focus, breathing..... you get the picture I'm sure.

As far as my weapon form goes, well to be honest, everything up until last Friday I hated. In fact I hated every part of it so I scrapped the whole form, smashed it to pieces, and started from scratch. The timing couldn't have been worse, but I always say, if not happy doing something, change it or don't do it. So, I changed it. I feel a lot better with what I have now and what you seen last Friday was about half of my new form. I have the rest of it almost pieced together and I am in a much better place physically and mentally with my weapon. I will have to work very hard at it in order to get any where near 1000 reps, but I'm up for it. Me and "MINE" is going to blow some minds. Well that's the goal anyway.

Last but not even close to least is my five personal techniques. Due to circumstances out of my control, I had to take on a new partner. Lot's of work to do here, different guy, different build.... well different everything. Teaching the techniques, the timing, reactions, stuff not working the same is all a great learning curve and helps me really learn a lot about the fundamentals and efficiency of these techniques and an education in, "holy crap are these going to actually work?!?!" Whatever. The bottom line is I am very happy that Mr. Sand has offered to work with me and I feel very confident about it all. He's great to work with and offers honest feed back and helpful suggestions. Things are rolling ahead and that's all that matters.

Aside from a whole pile of other things, that's basically what's going on as of late. See you at the Kwoon.

Gathering the Pieces

When it comes to my training I struggle a lot with keeping to a program or an agenda, and it's been that way for a long time. I'm not sure if it is just utter defiance when I feel like I can not be myself or someone or something has come into my space and is telling me what to do. Perhaps I struggle with commitment under that brain pattern. Maybe I'm just plain nuts. But I can tell you this much it hasn't served me well. I go day to day in a scattered form of madness accomplishing pieces of things but never completing the plan. I make a plan, think it out front to back and say to myself, "Hah, that is beyond awesome and no one has ever tried that." A few days in and then suddenly... off the beaten path I roam like someone that has taken on a bad habit of sniffing glue. Then out comes the giant failure stamp with the 4 by 8 ink pad and I go on a ink stamping extravaganza. I'm very good when it comes to layout, but bright as a sack of hammers at times when it comes to following through and carrying the plan forward. Unless it has nothing to do with my training. Then I can plan a multitude of steps and have absolutely no issues seeing it all work the way it's supposed to and adapt on the fly at the drop of a hat and not skip a beat. Jump into anything pretty much and continuing on like it's nothing. Logging repairs, activities, work plans, vision, all good. Training, suck ass, period. I just don't know.

I know one thing for sure this year and it's events has drained my passion and drive in the things in my life that are supposed to beneficial. I realize this. All of my focus and energy has been put forward to several things that I was not really prepared for and things that required a painful path to closure. It's very difficult to make those around you have an understanding of what's going on or what is happening when these things cannot be shared. It's a very difficult place to be when things are happening way outside your character, stuff is said, but not followed through, and you can't explain a damn thing. Your reasons, although may or not be true, are only a front for what is really going on. The only choice you have really is to use action in the place of words, and at the moment that is my rekindled starting point. You must find a way to rekindle the fires of your deepest passions and go to work hard on your well being if you have run out of, or don't have the words. You have to pick up the pieces of the carnage and rebuild through action. You must build a bridge over that valley in order to get back to where you came from, and while you cross over, have a look down and insure that what is meant to stay down there, stay's down there for good. Sometimes that takes time, and sometimes that involves sacrifice to some of the most important things in your life. Sometimes you lose a lot of face to the people you respect the most.  Sometimes things happen that you can't even bring tools to the task, because you have either dropped them, or you have to go to the print table and design and forge new ones that you really don't know how to use. You must dive in and learn on the fly. You must continue to move forward even if it means dragging your sorry ass with one finger.

But once when you stop and think about things and look back, you realize you would have never made it through if you weren't who you are and what you stand for. The people in your life that have made that influence. The tools and people that helped make your structure. Regardless of the situation there is always a way, always. You just have to fight and never give up, and keep your passions solid. Tattered to shreds or not, you can always rebuild anything from a solid foundation. I don't know if this blog really makes any sense at all, but for now, it will have too. See you at the kwoon

Taking Ownership

This is a powerful word ownership. It's a shame that it almost appears to be a discipline that is going extinct...fast. I myself have let the discipline of my own personal ownership slip into an abyss of uncontrolled madness. So many things have happened to me this year. Some of which I have shared openly with the few I trust, other things on a much larger scale, I have shared with no one. It's just the way it had to be and as result many things have suffered but not unrestorable. My passion towards my Kung Fu and work took a back seat to everything else that was going on. However, if those passions weren't as strong as they were, I would have definitely had a tougher time getting through them. Absence from the kwoon is very damaging. You cannot possibly invest that much time into your physical and mental growth and expect to just shut it off and run on reserve. But that's what I did. Never realizing at the time how when I thought I needed to swap around my priorities in order to facilitate my adaptations in order to push through, just how much further I knocked myself off of the path and relaxed the reigns on my ownership. Anger can completely corrupt your mind and lead you astray quite easily. It can turn you into a different person with different beliefs. Mix this emotion with some ego and a severe back stabbing and who knows where you will end up. But if severe enough, it will change you whether you like it or not.  I'm not a weak minded person nor do I tolerate any kind of over demanding control in my life by others. But some where along the way, I relaxed my grip on what is mine and what I believe in. At the moment though I couldn't see a damn thing, all I could see was someone needed my time or assistance and because of my ethics of hard work and strong will, I took on everything I possibly could all at the same time.

But you see, if you don't continually maintain your strengths and passions and keep them in front of you, no matter how strong you are, you will fall into areas you don't venture and begin to adopt the mindset you are surrounded by. This will only happen if you let it. But when the exposure is so high and you don't maintain, you can't help but become a part of it. Suddenly your mixed up in a group of people that are judgemental, refuse to take accountability for their actions, lack any sort of standards or pride, and constantly put blame on everything and everyone around them. The exact kind of people that I try to avoid and have disassociated myself from in the past. The kind of people I can't stand to look at and am embarrassed to hell by. Fighting this battle of my own beliefs and morals and being surrounded by this stuff  took it's toll for sure, but in the end it worked out. In the end I took back what was mine, I took complete ownership what it is I am and what it is I am about.

The moment of clarity for me was memorizing mastery and the energy I get from the kwoon that wasn't as present on a potent level. Also a class I attended just over two weeks ago on a Wednesday made a huge difference and influence on me. I received three different points of critique on a single form from three different Black Belts and in a matter of an hour, all my problems where balanced. Also the words that were passed onto the class that evening really hit home for me. They were words that shook me to the bone and I will never forget.
I didn't really see the overall importance of memorizing mastery. Running on ignorance, I read it and thought, "Well this is pretty straight forward, thanks king of the obvious! Why should I memorize this?" I understand why now. If you actually take the time to memorize this and recite it before your day begins, this is a tool that will keep you in check on every single thing you do and will remind you why you are doing what you are and what you don't want to be. Mediocre. It's kind of cool really and this alone punched me right square in the face and helped me get back on track. My teachers and mentors are everything to me as is where I train. I didn't want to bring my darkness into the kwoon with me. I didn't want to expose that person to the kwoon or for that matter anyone in it. I needed the time to be alone, an isolation from everything. I am a thinker and I solve my problems before I venture forth. Smaller ones are no big deal, but ones on a much larger scale require time and they must be balanced or else I become unbalanced and this is no good. The fog has finally lifted and I am on the recovery to take back what was mine, to take complete control of my life. To hold myself and others around me accountable. To take full and complete ownership of my Kung Fu, my work, my family and my passions. To embrace my masters and mentors and all of their teachings. Has this all cost me valuable time? Perhaps, but if I run out I'll go look for some. The year isn't over yet and I have a lot to do. See you at the Kwoon.

In a Nut Shell

I have been having a very difficult time trying to get something out there in regards to a blog. So much going on, so much to do, and of course the multitude and unexpected events or occurrences that you don't see coming. So a basic blanket of all that is happening will have to do at this time.

I have been working on several different areas in my forms that I have found to be trouble areas if you will. Your practicing a form and it feels good, your mind is in the moment and then you reach a certain area that just doesn't seem right. Perhaps it's a disruption in flow, center, skipping a technique or technique incompletion, bad kicks, stances, etc. Whatever it may be, it's messing with your head or displaying an obvious glitch. It takes along time to fix some of these things because you have installed muscle memory and your body wants to naturally perform that way because that's what your brain is telling it to do. This never ends which continues to make forms fun, challenging, and a great way to show how you are evolving as a martial artist. I really need to take my own advice here, but my mistakes are a lesson for others. Whenever possible it's good practice to do your forms at the school as much as you can so your teachers can see what you are doing and offer critique or give you a different perspective that will help you along the way. Plus you also have the opportunity to ask somebody that can help, which in turn helps your instructors. I have mentioned this point in another blog. By practicing my forms at the Kwoon this week I received critique and several answers to many questions. At the present moment I am working on about six different areas that need work. These areas are what I am aware of anyways. They are starting to improve quite a bit but no where near where I want them. Practice, consult with teachers, and practice more.

I have been doing multiple kick reps and will continue to do them until I can loosen up my hips and increase muscle areas that need to be stronger. I have very stiff hips and as a result when I throw different kicks I getting knocked off center and the overall technique and speed is being heavily affected. I am struggling at the moment with them but with more practice and way more stretching I am confident I can get them back to where they once were.

I am continuing to polish and modify my personal techniques whenever I get the chance to work with my partner or another Sihing. I am really enjoying this part of my journey and I am having fun learning and working with others. The neat part about it is the more you practice them, the more you learn the mechanics of yourself and others. It's a continuous game changer that in the end, I hope it turns out as awesome as I had envisioned them in the first place.

My axe form is on version 1.14. I have my very first form, the demo version  that I have changed up so it will be slightly different than what I have been doing, and finally my second form that is not quite together yet. More work, more destruction.

Finally, a few things I want to say.  I would like to mention how much fun I had at last weeks demo and I can't thank those of you that showed up enough. It was a good atmosphere and great people to hang out with, plus the cars were cool. I just want to let Sihing Krebbs know that you are missed and I am looking forward to seeing you whenever you can get back to the Kwoon. It's been a great week seeing my teachers, working with Sihing Fuhr and other students. But mostly just being there in general has done me a lot of good. My blog may seem a little scattered but that's how things can be sometimes, moving forward though is key. See you at the kwoon.

Once in a Blue Moon

I just found out recently that a blue moon only comes around every couple of years. It just so happens this past Friday was a blue moon. It is when you have two full moon cycles in a month. I thought maybe I would see the moon actually looking, well, blue. Ripped off, it wasn't blue at all. So to make the best of it I did some form reps out on the grass under the moonlight. It was kind of cool actually. I've never done forms under the moon. However, wandering campers didn't really appreciate it so much. It was almost like the same looks I get doing forms in my sea turtle swimsuit just with more intensity. Whatever.

Cracked heels suck in the worst way. Especially when they are so bad every step hurts on both feet, and you practice Kung Fu on the beach and you drive sand into the cracks that are about an 1/8 of an inch deep. You kind of walk like you soiled yourself. More looks, could be the sea turtle swimsuit though. Fortunately we went into town today and there was a farmers market. At one of the stands was a whole pile of home made lotions, creams and soaps. Cool, I found one that handles badly dried/cracked skin. No it didn't magically close up all the damage, but at least I can walk normal now.  Another great moment of triumph was there was a reflexologist in the house that did some amazing work on me. I feel great, not so tight in the shoulders, neck, and lower back. I am actually walking like the world is not at a tilt and my hips feel great during form work.
The town we were visiting had their weekend event going on, Medieval Days. The whole town is dressed up like Kings and Queens and everything else that was around at that time. A few miles out of town they had a whole pile of tents displaying the true old skool way of doing things. But the neatest part was a replicated battle of that era. Helmets, armour, the whole gear on. All of their weapons were padded, swords, clubs, battle axes, spears, etc. They even had cross bow arrows with largely padded tips. It all started out slow, shooting arrows at each other, bunch of yelling. It got to the point where it was kind of like this sucks. But then they went into full on battle, like really beating the crap out of each other with these padded weapons, it was awesome. I was like, "GO BLUE!, man I should have brought my axe!" Again the looks, and I didn't even have on my sea turtle swimsuit. Whatever. Then it was over and the advancing army took the bridge. One last thing, after shooting a few arrows off at the range, I think I have found another weapon, this awesomely hand crafted Long Bow. I spoke with the guy who makes them and I am saving my pennies, it was just that cool.

Still progressing ahead with my training goals and really enjoying time with my girls. It really doesn't get much better than this. Mountains and Kung Fu and family. I am having trouble with a few parts of different forms and stance transitions in my Tia Chi homework but I am starting to lose the hulk smash approach...... slowly. Glad to hear the demo was a great success and it sounds like the Death Race crew is killing it up there. See you at the kwoon.

Venturing Off the Path

I'm not really sure how to start this blog or for that matter where it is going to go but it is my responsibility and a requirement that I have not been maintaining and as a result I have installed doubt in my peers and those above me as to whether I am training or not or meeting my requirements. This must be repaired before it is too late, or perhaps it may already be too late. Either way all I can do is tell you what has been going on.

 Lots has been going on, everyday in regards to my Kung Fu. Just because you haven't seen me, doesn't mean nothing is happening. This doesn't mean I have quit. Yes I have had some issues, lots of them, and I can assure you they are not excuses, they are what's happening, they are life. None of which have stopped me, they slowed me down, but I never quit. I train with passion and heart all the time, there is no sub standard acceptance and I never think anything is good enough. I am no stranger to mastery and what it takes. The sacrifices, the blood, sweat and tears, the mistakes and the triumphs. The drive and the pain and the ability to adapt and overcome. Once this is installed in your life, it never leaves you. It only leaves you if you let it or never welcome it in the first place. Everyone's journey is unique and you are going to run into several perspectives, none of which are golden, except one part, yes or no. Simple right? or it at least it should be.
I sometimes have the tendency to venture off on my own. It's not that I run away from things, I run from nothing. There are times where I like to be by myself, doing what I love to do and be in the moment. This is how I sort things out and stay focused. I am a private person and it's not really that I don't care or I turn my back on commitments. This couldn't be farther from the truth. All that has been told to me, shown to me, and words of encouragment are all something I hold close and respect. I guess ultimately this wouldn't be such a big deal if I just shared what's happening once a week. It wouldn't be so questionable if you seen or heard something from me. I have made several public statements, many of which are or have happened, yet nobody on the I Ho Chuan or the kwoon has seen or heard any action or for that matter anything. Other things have not happened and have come off as lip service, that is something I have to repair and make right. That is some thing that I have to live with. It does leave a sting, as I am the type of person that always folows through on what I say I am going to do. I understand I have let people down as a result, so for the next while that's all you are going to see and hear, exactly what I am doing. I haven't forgotten my goals or what I have set out to do. I haven't forgotten I am on a team and I am needed. I havent forgotten that I am to meet a standard that must be approved by those before me. I haven't forgotten a damn thing. I have always been there, just traveling from a distance. I try to respond to all posts and comment or at least give a +1 to let everyone know I'm out there, I read your stuff, and I support you, instead of just leaving people hanging there like a jerk. I am sorry if I have been a bad team mate and I meant no disrespect to anyone. I will make this right, but actions speak louder than words. So buckle up, watch and learn. I will prove to you all I have what it takes and then some. See you (very soon) at the kwoon.