Inspiration Comes in Many Forms

You can be influenced and inspired to do better, think better, find solutions, or just simply change your perception on something from many sources. You just have to listen and watch and look at everything around you as a gift or opportunity. Sometimes I look at things of influence as they have to be great, they have to come from experience, or at least something that you have to think it through to move forward and act. It needs to be extraordinary and seemingly impossible in order to work. Bruce Lee once said, "If you spend too much time thinking about something, you will never get it done." I seem to have forgot that the little things have a much more profound impact than the more prominent. I sometimes waste too much time thinking about things. Keep it simple stupid, is a phrase I commonly go to when stuck. Other times an outside source in a basic format can punch me right in the face and give me that boost or push I need. Even perhaps the straight forward approach that used to come so naturally to me.

The young martial artist you see in the photo above put me in my place and brought me back to reality in a very powerful way. She laid out a plan. Nothing complex, nothing extreme, she just did it. She didn't spend days planning. She didn't make things overly complicated and she didn't need the perfect time or planned opportunity. She just did it.

This young martial artist took a break from Kung Fu and returned almost a year later. A few classes in, she made a plan and set a goal to have earned her yellow belt before Christmas. She needed a two or three stripes in order to be eligible to test for promotion. She worked towards her goals and a few weeks later she was promoted to Yellow belt.
Barely a few classes in as a yellow belt and the goals began, orange belt by her birthday and a black stripe by next class. That week she was given an assignment and went to work on it at home. Within a very short period of time she developed her own combination containing all parts of what was asked of by her Sifu's. She asked me to help which of course I did. But the reality of it was all I really had to offer was a few block suggestions and some stance tweaking. That was it. Next class came a there it was, a black stripe on her belt. All of this was done by simply setting a goal and working towards it. She just did it, no excuses, no over thinking, no bulls@#t. Just straight up took what she felt was hers and ran with it.

That young martial artist is my daughter and I couldn't be more proud or more humbled by her example and lesson she gave me. Well done and thanks for the reminder to keep it simple stupid and just do it.

A Christmas First and a Message

This is a first for my family, hanging out in the mountains of southern Alberta. Good food, a fire pit, a BBQ and lots to do and some quality time with my parents and siblings, this is going to be a very memorable Christmas indeed. I can't really explain it but I feel at home in the mountains. I feel peace and a sense of being fully grounded here. Thinking clearly and sorting out a mindset and direction comes easy for me here. Whatever it is and why will always remain a mystery but one thing's for sure, I am truly grateful to be able to take the time from work and enjoy it with my family.

There are a lot of people in this country and province that won't have such a place to go. There are some that have no home, nothing to eat, and no one to be with. There are the working people that are still living in poverty. People that work themselves to exhaustion with a job that will be lucky enough to buy a descent Christmas meal. Let alone have the means to go visit their family. There are elders, children, and teenagers that will have nothing to share, no joy and no love to share or feel. How can this be in this day and age. How can you have a job and still not be able to make ends meet. I have seen much of the homeless. I have seen poverty levels in several areas throughout North America, and it is not something I would wish on anyone. Sure, you could say that's just the way it is. You could say they are simply addicts that couldn't control themselves. You could also say they are complete nut jobs and are of no use anyway.
 This sort of mindset is what makes us all ignorant to reality. It's all good as long as you are not suffering. To the ignorant, addiction is a disease, not a choice, Whether we want to admit it or not, in one way or another we are all addicted to something, and every single one of us has a mental disability of some sort. We have just been lucky or have been given the opportunity to better ourselves and stuck with it, or we are living in a state of denial that will catch you at some point.

This is why one should practice the mentality of being grateful and putting our awareness towards others and our social issues as a priority. We don't need to buy things constanly thinking this is how it is supposed to be and that is more important. If we weren't so busy staring at a phone, playing with gadgets and over consumption on stupid things you don't need, it wouldn't be so hard to pull our heads out of the sand. If we spent even a fraction of our time volunteering to help others and holding those that control it all accountable as a society, we as a whole, could make a difference. The common phrases such as "Well there is nothing you can do, so why bother" or " That's too bad, but they made their choice" would be a thing of the past. To all the less fortunate, to all the addicts, mentally ill, to the starving, the homeless, and victims of abuse, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a wish that someday soon we will all get over ourselves and do something about it instead of standing around waiting for something to happen. As it appears, they couldn't care less and unfortunately we are right there with them.

What Defines and What Doesn't

Achieving the rank of Black Belt is something most martial artists look forward to and work towards. All arts and disciplines have different ways and different beliefs on what exactly is a black belt and how you should become one. In our school the rank does not come easy. You just can't buy the rank, you just can't wing it through and expect to be passed. To become a black belt in our school is not done in private, it is done out in open so the whole student body can witness what it takes to become one. Sihing in a traditional setting, means "Big Brother", and we all know what the position entails. It is the position of a leader, people look to you for guidance and all your moves are watched because you are the example and the cornerstone of inspiration to other students. It is your responsibilty to hold and work towards the standard and uphold the potency of the art. Holding the rank of Sihing shows that you have earned the chance to test for the rank of black belt and you have earned the trust and respect of your instructors. There are perameters set in place such as the I Ho Chuan and Sihing assignments, to insure you are following the necessary guidelines and holding the respect to the art along with a well thought out plan to ensure your success. All you have to do is follow them, with vigor, vitality, and respect..... publically.

In my opinion I have failed these responsibities on many counts. I have been a very poor example of upholding my rank and following through on my responsibities as a Sihing and to the I Ho Chuan team, and most importantly to my instuctors and the school. I have shown exactly what not to do. I'm not going to go into details of all the things I dealt with this year, as I see it all though difficult yes, they are life and life doesn't care about your plans or what your excuses are. You must forge ahead and take control of your situations. I had a very difficult time this year doing this. I would grab the reigns and then let go. Get mad and grab them again, only to let go of them once again. I was about as consistant as the readings of a heart rate monitor. My ego, my stuborness, and the inability to recover and climb out of a valley that I fell into basically hampered any success. I would claw and then stop, meanwhile things continued to pile up, so congested that I didn't know where to start. I lost my way, my direction, along with who and what I am.

Even IF I succeded this year as a Black Belt candidate, I would have never been proud or honestly feel I earned the rank, let alone don the belt. A black belt should be able to be placed in any position and perform to the standard you have earned. What kind of Black belt would I be if a student asked me for an example or help and I didn't know or couldn't perform to the level that is asked of me. What if I was asked about my journey and what I did to overcome? Am I going to honestly say, I don't know because I didn't do it or that was an area I failed. I know how I would look at this person and I am not this type of person so why I put myself in that position and see it as okay. I take this all very seriously. I believe in standards and believe in traditions, that's the excitement and it instilles a feeling of great accomplishment. To acomplish something that very few people can.

I went into my grading this year with very little time to prepare due to an injury. I feel I had no business being there in the first place. I saw my attempt at black belt grading as a joke. I should have listened to a close friend of mine and put it off until November. Instead I chose to dive right into it and do it any way. I felt it was now or never and it turned out to be a huge mistake and the end result resonated bad energy and feelings of regret. The fact that there was so many loose ends and so much that had to be redefined or completed that as far as I was concerned, I failed the year right then and there. I felt this is not what I envisioned as my grading and I couldn't continue on knowing that this was what defined my year as a successful black belt. As many times as I tried to pick up where I left off and move forward, my thoughts and beliefs wouldn't let me. I wasn't striving for perfection as this is a myth, but I wanted to do this right and no matter what angle I looked at or approached, nothing would suffice. I felt shame and felt like a complete failure most of the year. I also felt that I made way too many open public claims that never came through and this made me feel like a liar, someone that cant back up their words with action. I struggled with this because I am not this person and never would I be comfortable in my own skin being this type. I am hard on myself and will not accept half attempt or sub standard practices, this is what defines me. Those of you that know me on a personal level or have worked with me know this. If you don't know me you should witness this by what you see from me. This is what made me who I am and the standards I live by. There is no way I am going to bend or relax them, especially in the presence of my instructuors and mentors in the school. But I did just that on many levels and knocked myself down so far that trying to move forward on a level of redemption couldn't be found.  I want to take a moment here to appologize to my instructors, my fellow candidates, the board, the I Ho Chuan team, and to the students for my actions. I never meant to be disrespectful to anyone. It's just how things played out and I appreciate all your time and support that was offered even if I didn't accept or participate.

I will not be promoted to black belt this year as a result of my actions and my inability to lead by example, to complete my tasks to the standard that was expected and asked of me. Instead of dwelling on what could have been, I will be moving forward on what is to be. I have been dragging around many things that no matter how I approach them they will never be sorted out, they are loose baggage that is clogging my thoughts and ambitions to move forward. They must be severed and I need to reset myself. I need to get back to who and what I am and the only way to do this is to move forward and leave behind what is meant to be left behind. I have requested to retest next year in May. Today is December 1 which is to be my starting point of six month preparation to achieve Black Belt. Incremental progress is what will be key to have me prepared to where I want to be. To be the example of what is expected of me. I want to approach this year with out the all or nothing menatlity that has crippled my ability to do this properly. This alone will be a difficult task in itself because I have been that way all my life and with somethings this is great, but for this, not so much. I have my success coaches in place and I am laying out the plans for the upcoming year. I am going to do this right so in the end this will be one of the greatest moments of my life. When I achieve the rank of Black Belt I will be proud and wear my belt with pride, knowing that all I did was done right and everyone seen me do it and was a part of it. That's just the way it has to be. See you at the Kwoon.

Stubborn and Non Conforming

These may seem like bad points, but to me they are not. To me these are strong points of character and acts of survival provided they are used properly. My success rate on this balance is questionable at times and yes, it does get me in trouble or make things that much more difficult. Other times it has kept me alive or has brought me through tough times and even better yet, really cool achievements. With this I will continue to hold my beliefs solid and be myself and take on any challenge or interest I want.

Being yourself and standing firm for what you believe in, is to me, the most important thing in the world. Without these two characteristics kept in mind one tends to forget you are in control of your life and just where it's going to go. As soon as I sense that I am losing my freedom to act and think within respectable grounds, or someone is trying to remove something from me with absolutely no solid ground to back this action.....the heels dig in and you might as well pack a lunch if you want to move me. I become angry and my thought process kicks in high and the anger processing begins. This takes a while as I have learnt that rage anger is basically useless and an non productive direction. Not saying I don't snap once in a while, but that ends very quickly. No, this is different. I start to balance the situation on all counts and figure out from there what parts need to be severed and forgotten and which parts need to be salvaged and kept close. This type of anger is what keeps me in tune with my surroundings and keeps me on my journey to where ever it is I am heading. This also keeps me from letting go of some very important things in my life. Things that perhaps under an irrational thought process, would have been tossed and forgotten, just to be constantly reminded later of a mistake and regret following me.

We are constantly losing our freedom to chose and think on our own. It seems a fair amount of people are content with being told how to act, how to think, and alot of times things are taken away from us in the name of safety or lack of accountability. This is all crap to me. People shouldn't be scared to pursue their goals or make new discoveries because they are led to believe risk is bad, taking chances is bad, being yourself is bad, fear mongering to install the thoughts and visions of worse case scenario. This is where the acceptance of mediocrity comes into play.  A majority of people now a days have no desire to think outside of the box. To question their boss or company, to stand up and say what you believe in proudly and firmly, to raise their family the way they see fit. Also to live under the guide of what everyone else thinks of you, honestly, who cares what others think because most people have no clue how to be themselves either. We are not designed or designated to be the same or think or act the same. No, we were meant to pursue our own hopes and dreams, prompted to develop a unique skill and master it, that's how you survived and if you couldn't be bothered to do so, well you probably died. There was a time when thinking outside of the box was encouraged, using the motto of the skies the limit was a way of life.

The whole point of this blog was to remind myself and others to teach themselves and the children to never let anyone or anything stop you from pursuing whatever the hell it is you want to. It's the people that have all the power, not the companies, not our governments, and certainly not an ideology of you can't do that, or nobody does that any more. Prove to others and above all else yourself and your children that anything is possible. Absolutely nothing has the right to stop you from believing in or pursuing your dreams, taking risks or practicing sacrifice in order to achieve a unique skill or goal, or what ever it is your passionate about. Never mind being scared, flourish your personality, promote individuality and support those that chose to be unique. Enough with the cookie cutter mentality and being a sheep. Take what is yours and run with it, you have the freedom to do so, use it.

Sickness, Gratefulness, and Continuous Rebuild

Things change quick. Sometimes right under your nose, and of course hindsight is always 20/20. I had a blood test performed a short while ago and a doctors appointment soon after. Turns out my thyroid has not been working.... at all really. He was in amazement as to how I was even functioning. I told him what I do for a living and that I train in Kung Fu. He kind of shook his head and I sat there with a stupid look on my face, ignorant to it all. A lot of the symptoms that come with a failing thyroid weren't really there, to me everything was operating some what normal. With the exception that I would get tired quicker than usual, foggy moments mentally and difficulty concentrating. As it sits, my T3 and T4 hormones are not balanced, one is in a high abundance and the other not so much, and my body is producing a huge level of TSH. This leans toward the autoimune system attacking my thyroid which is a result of me being allergic to something. My testosterone levels are above average but that doesn't matter because my body is producing too much estrogen which hampers the testosterone. Sounds like a big mess to me and thank goodness I never grew a set of boobs through it all. So I am now on pills and some vitamins along with a serious change up in my diet. I am scheduled for a more in depth blood test that will find out what exactly I am allergic too. After reading up on a few items I found coffee is very bad for us. I always knew this but ignored it. Coffee makes you pee your bones out and is a major cause of men producing high levels of estrogen..... hmmmmm. So that needs to go along with a bunch of other things. The countless times I have heard of mindful eating.... I guess it's time to get it together. Kind of goes back to that hind sight thing. My stubborness is my worst enemy at times.

Moving on to other things my work schedule has exploded once again and it will continue to be that way for a while. Six to seven days a week, 10 to 12 hours a day. As difficult as this may sound and the changes I will have to make to my training, they are what they are. To be honest I am very grateful for two reasons. One, there are a lot of people at the moment that have lost their jobs. There are a lot of people in this province that will be turning over the keys to their home and others that cannot afford to feed themselves. Between the crazy price of groceries and a bleek looking future ahead of us all, I feel terrible for many. I also feel quite angry with our current government. Everyone is cutting back except them. Want to lower costs, lay off people just like everyone else. Our government and health care system is bloated with beaurucrats that hold no use or purpose. Our governmnet in this province is one of the largest in the country. Time to trim the fat. Never mind borrowing billions to pay the useless. I don't get these idiots.
 The second reason is I will have to adjust my training. I don't want to lose the momentium I have developed over the last while. I will have to go straight from work to the kwoon and put in some hours at the kwoon at every available moment. At night, on the weekends, whenever possible. This last week has been difficult though. Between working with a new company and a unpredictable work schedule and fighting the cold from hell, it has hampered my ability to move forward at the moment. I am resting and reading, laying out plans to adapt my lifestyle and keep the engagement in front of me. A positive atitude and concrete focus always prevails. The sooner I can get over this cold, the sooner I can turn on the gas. I can't do both and expect to get better.I am eagerto get back to classes, get back to working with my partner and back to it all. Well that's all I really have at the moment, see you at the kwoon.

The Tiger Challenge and Everything Else

What an awesome tournament. I like the Tiger Challenge, it's an awesome opportunity that gives back so much. It was cool to see all the skilled martial artists of all ages really show their stuff. Witnessing and being part of  the various moments of triumphs and defeats, the ah ha moments and the "Man, I cant believe I just did that! moments, and let's not gloss over the "Oh oh I'm out of room" moments.
 I can honestly say I experienced all of them. From not taking the space that was offered and completely jamming myself on my weapon form and screwing up the whole flow and timing, I was lucky to even finish the form, but I did.... almost. My hand form was not good, and for some reason I took off into this mutated, puppy scratching the door to be let in, Loa Gar tiger claws when sparing with Sihing Fuhr. That was the, "Man I can't believe I just did that!" moment. Plus we should not let the board break fail go with out mention. Lack of being prepared, not being in the moment, rushing through things, really screwed up just about everything for me. I felt I could have done better in my sparring if I didn't move like a D9 Cat, but this goes back to lack of preparation. This is all a lesson that goes back to training discipline and overall balance, and preparation. Being in the moment and taking control of yourself instead of running on auto pilot. It doesn't work. But it is experiences like the Tiger Challenge that can expose these things and give you the tools to do better. Leaving the Kwoon yesterday, I didn't feel good at all about my performance, but I did feel good about what I learned and what I witnessed. I left with a motivation to do better. To work harder. I left with a bag of tools to apply and a lesson learned on all about being in the moment at all times. Aside from all of that and how it may appear, I'm in a good place and can't wait to get back to the kwoon and work on all of the things that makes it all worth it. See you at the Kwoon.

Moving Forward Under Load

I've been having some great moments at the Kwoon lately and I'm sure there is plenty to come. Changing my perspective and perhaps to a degree, I have gotten over myself and I am feeling myself gravitating towards a very positive place. So much going on right now, and to be honest, I love it. This is going to sky rocket my engagement to extraordinary levels. Pushing myself to the extreme is what I need to do to accelerate my well being and my character back to where it needs to be and being able to be at the kwoon as much as I am able is going to be the key.

I am continuing the pursuit of optimal fitness level and being able to lead a fair amount of warm ups lately is helping a lot. The students are doing awesome and they keep the energy high. So doing this together with my fellow students just makes it that much better and motivates me to be more creative and push harder.

Form reps has been my go to place to cover a high number of basics and new discoveries. As I have said before if you don't have a lot of time, forms are the best part of your training to use if you want to cover a lot of areas by doing one thing. Forms cover all of your core needs; stances, kicks, techniques, technique completion, timing, muscle building, and mental exercise, focus, breathing..... you get the picture I'm sure.

As far as my weapon form goes, well to be honest, everything up until last Friday I hated. In fact I hated every part of it so I scrapped the whole form, smashed it to pieces, and started from scratch. The timing couldn't have been worse, but I always say, if not happy doing something, change it or don't do it. So, I changed it. I feel a lot better with what I have now and what you seen last Friday was about half of my new form. I have the rest of it almost pieced together and I am in a much better place physically and mentally with my weapon. I will have to work very hard at it in order to get any where near 1000 reps, but I'm up for it. Me and "MINE" is going to blow some minds. Well that's the goal anyway.

Last but not even close to least is my five personal techniques. Due to circumstances out of my control, I had to take on a new partner. Lot's of work to do here, different guy, different build.... well different everything. Teaching the techniques, the timing, reactions, stuff not working the same is all a great learning curve and helps me really learn a lot about the fundamentals and efficiency of these techniques and an education in, "holy crap are these going to actually work?!?!" Whatever. The bottom line is I am very happy that Mr. Sand has offered to work with me and I feel very confident about it all. He's great to work with and offers honest feed back and helpful suggestions. Things are rolling ahead and that's all that matters.

Aside from a whole pile of other things, that's basically what's going on as of late. See you at the Kwoon.

Gathering the Pieces

When it comes to my training I struggle a lot with keeping to a program or an agenda, and it's been that way for a long time. I'm not sure if it is just utter defiance when I feel like I can not be myself or someone or something has come into my space and is telling me what to do. Perhaps I struggle with commitment under that brain pattern. Maybe I'm just plain nuts. But I can tell you this much it hasn't served me well. I go day to day in a scattered form of madness accomplishing pieces of things but never completing the plan. I make a plan, think it out front to back and say to myself, "Hah, that is beyond awesome and no one has ever tried that." A few days in and then suddenly... off the beaten path I roam like someone that has taken on a bad habit of sniffing glue. Then out comes the giant failure stamp with the 4 by 8 ink pad and I go on a ink stamping extravaganza. I'm very good when it comes to layout, but bright as a sack of hammers at times when it comes to following through and carrying the plan forward. Unless it has nothing to do with my training. Then I can plan a multitude of steps and have absolutely no issues seeing it all work the way it's supposed to and adapt on the fly at the drop of a hat and not skip a beat. Jump into anything pretty much and continuing on like it's nothing. Logging repairs, activities, work plans, vision, all good. Training, suck ass, period. I just don't know.

I know one thing for sure this year and it's events has drained my passion and drive in the things in my life that are supposed to beneficial. I realize this. All of my focus and energy has been put forward to several things that I was not really prepared for and things that required a painful path to closure. It's very difficult to make those around you have an understanding of what's going on or what is happening when these things cannot be shared. It's a very difficult place to be when things are happening way outside your character, stuff is said, but not followed through, and you can't explain a damn thing. Your reasons, although may or not be true, are only a front for what is really going on. The only choice you have really is to use action in the place of words, and at the moment that is my rekindled starting point. You must find a way to rekindle the fires of your deepest passions and go to work hard on your well being if you have run out of, or don't have the words. You have to pick up the pieces of the carnage and rebuild through action. You must build a bridge over that valley in order to get back to where you came from, and while you cross over, have a look down and insure that what is meant to stay down there, stay's down there for good. Sometimes that takes time, and sometimes that involves sacrifice to some of the most important things in your life. Sometimes you lose a lot of face to the people you respect the most.  Sometimes things happen that you can't even bring tools to the task, because you have either dropped them, or you have to go to the print table and design and forge new ones that you really don't know how to use. You must dive in and learn on the fly. You must continue to move forward even if it means dragging your sorry ass with one finger.

But once when you stop and think about things and look back, you realize you would have never made it through if you weren't who you are and what you stand for. The people in your life that have made that influence. The tools and people that helped make your structure. Regardless of the situation there is always a way, always. You just have to fight and never give up, and keep your passions solid. Tattered to shreds or not, you can always rebuild anything from a solid foundation. I don't know if this blog really makes any sense at all, but for now, it will have too. See you at the kwoon

Taking Ownership

This is a powerful word ownership. It's a shame that it almost appears to be a discipline that is going extinct...fast. I myself have let the discipline of my own personal ownership slip into an abyss of uncontrolled madness. So many things have happened to me this year. Some of which I have shared openly with the few I trust, other things on a much larger scale, I have shared with no one. It's just the way it had to be and as result many things have suffered but not unrestorable. My passion towards my Kung Fu and work took a back seat to everything else that was going on. However, if those passions weren't as strong as they were, I would have definitely had a tougher time getting through them. Absence from the kwoon is very damaging. You cannot possibly invest that much time into your physical and mental growth and expect to just shut it off and run on reserve. But that's what I did. Never realizing at the time how when I thought I needed to swap around my priorities in order to facilitate my adaptations in order to push through, just how much further I knocked myself off of the path and relaxed the reigns on my ownership. Anger can completely corrupt your mind and lead you astray quite easily. It can turn you into a different person with different beliefs. Mix this emotion with some ego and a severe back stabbing and who knows where you will end up. But if severe enough, it will change you whether you like it or not.  I'm not a weak minded person nor do I tolerate any kind of over demanding control in my life by others. But some where along the way, I relaxed my grip on what is mine and what I believe in. At the moment though I couldn't see a damn thing, all I could see was someone needed my time or assistance and because of my ethics of hard work and strong will, I took on everything I possibly could all at the same time.

But you see, if you don't continually maintain your strengths and passions and keep them in front of you, no matter how strong you are, you will fall into areas you don't venture and begin to adopt the mindset you are surrounded by. This will only happen if you let it. But when the exposure is so high and you don't maintain, you can't help but become a part of it. Suddenly your mixed up in a group of people that are judgemental, refuse to take accountability for their actions, lack any sort of standards or pride, and constantly put blame on everything and everyone around them. The exact kind of people that I try to avoid and have disassociated myself from in the past. The kind of people I can't stand to look at and am embarrassed to hell by. Fighting this battle of my own beliefs and morals and being surrounded by this stuff  took it's toll for sure, but in the end it worked out. In the end I took back what was mine, I took complete ownership what it is I am and what it is I am about.

The moment of clarity for me was memorizing mastery and the energy I get from the kwoon that wasn't as present on a potent level. Also a class I attended just over two weeks ago on a Wednesday made a huge difference and influence on me. I received three different points of critique on a single form from three different Black Belts and in a matter of an hour, all my problems where balanced. Also the words that were passed onto the class that evening really hit home for me. They were words that shook me to the bone and I will never forget.
I didn't really see the overall importance of memorizing mastery. Running on ignorance, I read it and thought, "Well this is pretty straight forward, thanks king of the obvious! Why should I memorize this?" I understand why now. If you actually take the time to memorize this and recite it before your day begins, this is a tool that will keep you in check on every single thing you do and will remind you why you are doing what you are and what you don't want to be. Mediocre. It's kind of cool really and this alone punched me right square in the face and helped me get back on track. My teachers and mentors are everything to me as is where I train. I didn't want to bring my darkness into the kwoon with me. I didn't want to expose that person to the kwoon or for that matter anyone in it. I needed the time to be alone, an isolation from everything. I am a thinker and I solve my problems before I venture forth. Smaller ones are no big deal, but ones on a much larger scale require time and they must be balanced or else I become unbalanced and this is no good. The fog has finally lifted and I am on the recovery to take back what was mine, to take complete control of my life. To hold myself and others around me accountable. To take full and complete ownership of my Kung Fu, my work, my family and my passions. To embrace my masters and mentors and all of their teachings. Has this all cost me valuable time? Perhaps, but if I run out I'll go look for some. The year isn't over yet and I have a lot to do. See you at the Kwoon.

In a Nut Shell

I have been having a very difficult time trying to get something out there in regards to a blog. So much going on, so much to do, and of course the multitude and unexpected events or occurrences that you don't see coming. So a basic blanket of all that is happening will have to do at this time.

I have been working on several different areas in my forms that I have found to be trouble areas if you will. Your practicing a form and it feels good, your mind is in the moment and then you reach a certain area that just doesn't seem right. Perhaps it's a disruption in flow, center, skipping a technique or technique incompletion, bad kicks, stances, etc. Whatever it may be, it's messing with your head or displaying an obvious glitch. It takes along time to fix some of these things because you have installed muscle memory and your body wants to naturally perform that way because that's what your brain is telling it to do. This never ends which continues to make forms fun, challenging, and a great way to show how you are evolving as a martial artist. I really need to take my own advice here, but my mistakes are a lesson for others. Whenever possible it's good practice to do your forms at the school as much as you can so your teachers can see what you are doing and offer critique or give you a different perspective that will help you along the way. Plus you also have the opportunity to ask somebody that can help, which in turn helps your instructors. I have mentioned this point in another blog. By practicing my forms at the Kwoon this week I received critique and several answers to many questions. At the present moment I am working on about six different areas that need work. These areas are what I am aware of anyways. They are starting to improve quite a bit but no where near where I want them. Practice, consult with teachers, and practice more.

I have been doing multiple kick reps and will continue to do them until I can loosen up my hips and increase muscle areas that need to be stronger. I have very stiff hips and as a result when I throw different kicks I getting knocked off center and the overall technique and speed is being heavily affected. I am struggling at the moment with them but with more practice and way more stretching I am confident I can get them back to where they once were.

I am continuing to polish and modify my personal techniques whenever I get the chance to work with my partner or another Sihing. I am really enjoying this part of my journey and I am having fun learning and working with others. The neat part about it is the more you practice them, the more you learn the mechanics of yourself and others. It's a continuous game changer that in the end, I hope it turns out as awesome as I had envisioned them in the first place.

My axe form is on version 1.14. I have my very first form, the demo version  that I have changed up so it will be slightly different than what I have been doing, and finally my second form that is not quite together yet. More work, more destruction.

Finally, a few things I want to say.  I would like to mention how much fun I had at last weeks demo and I can't thank those of you that showed up enough. It was a good atmosphere and great people to hang out with, plus the cars were cool. I just want to let Sihing Krebbs know that you are missed and I am looking forward to seeing you whenever you can get back to the Kwoon. It's been a great week seeing my teachers, working with Sihing Fuhr and other students. But mostly just being there in general has done me a lot of good. My blog may seem a little scattered but that's how things can be sometimes, moving forward though is key. See you at the kwoon.

Once in a Blue Moon

I just found out recently that a blue moon only comes around every couple of years. It just so happens this past Friday was a blue moon. It is when you have two full moon cycles in a month. I thought maybe I would see the moon actually looking, well, blue. Ripped off, it wasn't blue at all. So to make the best of it I did some form reps out on the grass under the moonlight. It was kind of cool actually. I've never done forms under the moon. However, wandering campers didn't really appreciate it so much. It was almost like the same looks I get doing forms in my sea turtle swimsuit just with more intensity. Whatever.

Cracked heels suck in the worst way. Especially when they are so bad every step hurts on both feet, and you practice Kung Fu on the beach and you drive sand into the cracks that are about an 1/8 of an inch deep. You kind of walk like you soiled yourself. More looks, could be the sea turtle swimsuit though. Fortunately we went into town today and there was a farmers market. At one of the stands was a whole pile of home made lotions, creams and soaps. Cool, I found one that handles badly dried/cracked skin. No it didn't magically close up all the damage, but at least I can walk normal now.  Another great moment of triumph was there was a reflexologist in the house that did some amazing work on me. I feel great, not so tight in the shoulders, neck, and lower back. I am actually walking like the world is not at a tilt and my hips feel great during form work.
The town we were visiting had their weekend event going on, Medieval Days. The whole town is dressed up like Kings and Queens and everything else that was around at that time. A few miles out of town they had a whole pile of tents displaying the true old skool way of doing things. But the neatest part was a replicated battle of that era. Helmets, armour, the whole gear on. All of their weapons were padded, swords, clubs, battle axes, spears, etc. They even had cross bow arrows with largely padded tips. It all started out slow, shooting arrows at each other, bunch of yelling. It got to the point where it was kind of like this sucks. But then they went into full on battle, like really beating the crap out of each other with these padded weapons, it was awesome. I was like, "GO BLUE!, man I should have brought my axe!" Again the looks, and I didn't even have on my sea turtle swimsuit. Whatever. Then it was over and the advancing army took the bridge. One last thing, after shooting a few arrows off at the range, I think I have found another weapon, this awesomely hand crafted Long Bow. I spoke with the guy who makes them and I am saving my pennies, it was just that cool.

Still progressing ahead with my training goals and really enjoying time with my girls. It really doesn't get much better than this. Mountains and Kung Fu and family. I am having trouble with a few parts of different forms and stance transitions in my Tia Chi homework but I am starting to lose the hulk smash approach...... slowly. Glad to hear the demo was a great success and it sounds like the Death Race crew is killing it up there. See you at the kwoon.

Venturing Off the Path

I'm not really sure how to start this blog or for that matter where it is going to go but it is my responsibility and a requirement that I have not been maintaining and as a result I have installed doubt in my peers and those above me as to whether I am training or not or meeting my requirements. This must be repaired before it is too late, or perhaps it may already be too late. Either way all I can do is tell you what has been going on.

 Lots has been going on, everyday in regards to my Kung Fu. Just because you haven't seen me, doesn't mean nothing is happening. This doesn't mean I have quit. Yes I have had some issues, lots of them, and I can assure you they are not excuses, they are what's happening, they are life. None of which have stopped me, they slowed me down, but I never quit. I train with passion and heart all the time, there is no sub standard acceptance and I never think anything is good enough. I am no stranger to mastery and what it takes. The sacrifices, the blood, sweat and tears, the mistakes and the triumphs. The drive and the pain and the ability to adapt and overcome. Once this is installed in your life, it never leaves you. It only leaves you if you let it or never welcome it in the first place. Everyone's journey is unique and you are going to run into several perspectives, none of which are golden, except one part, yes or no. Simple right? or it at least it should be.
I sometimes have the tendency to venture off on my own. It's not that I run away from things, I run from nothing. There are times where I like to be by myself, doing what I love to do and be in the moment. This is how I sort things out and stay focused. I am a private person and it's not really that I don't care or I turn my back on commitments. This couldn't be farther from the truth. All that has been told to me, shown to me, and words of encouragment are all something I hold close and respect. I guess ultimately this wouldn't be such a big deal if I just shared what's happening once a week. It wouldn't be so questionable if you seen or heard something from me. I have made several public statements, many of which are or have happened, yet nobody on the I Ho Chuan or the kwoon has seen or heard any action or for that matter anything. Other things have not happened and have come off as lip service, that is something I have to repair and make right. That is some thing that I have to live with. It does leave a sting, as I am the type of person that always folows through on what I say I am going to do. I understand I have let people down as a result, so for the next while that's all you are going to see and hear, exactly what I am doing. I haven't forgotten my goals or what I have set out to do. I haven't forgotten I am on a team and I am needed. I havent forgotten that I am to meet a standard that must be approved by those before me. I haven't forgotten a damn thing. I have always been there, just traveling from a distance. I try to respond to all posts and comment or at least give a +1 to let everyone know I'm out there, I read your stuff, and I support you, instead of just leaving people hanging there like a jerk. I am sorry if I have been a bad team mate and I meant no disrespect to anyone. I will make this right, but actions speak louder than words. So buckle up, watch and learn. I will prove to you all I have what it takes and then some. See you (very soon) at the kwoon.

The Reset of Engagement

Every since I have been a student at Silent River I have never missed a boot camp with the exception of the last two years due to my work schedule and pre planned vacation. This absence left me feeling like I missed a level of skill advancement and an important tool of personal engagement. I have seen and experienced some epic boot camps and some highly dedicated and skilled Black Belts share their time and knowledge so others could become better martial artists. I have also witnessed many students evolve and leave at the end of the day with a glow and a mind set that they didn't have when they first arrived in the morning. At the end of the day, when we are all together, the presence of energy that you can feel amongst everyone is just simply indescribable. Boot camp for me has been, and probably will continue to be, one of the most important school events. Every time I leave, I leave with new found knowledge, goals, and a strong feeling of accomplishment. This is why I am extremely grateful and excited  that I was able to attend this year.

This Boot Camp for me was the best one I have ever attended. The mix of seminars was awesome. The Six Harmonies and Chi cultivation absolutely blew my mind straight out of my skull.  Since I have been practicing Qi Gong Five animal form, I can usually feel my Chi very quickly during the opening sequence and from there it just becomes stronger. I feel incredible after I do that form. However, I have never took my Chi to the level that I did on Saturday. Externally with Nye Gong (spelling??)  I felt like I could literally smash the wall out of the school with my Chi alone. (Sifu Vantuil, if your reading this I am coming your way. I want to learn more and start to practice Tai Chi from your guidance.)  It was almost scary the amount of power I felt and how in touch I was with it. The depth of my thoughts and the awareness of what is going on in my body and thoughts was pretty wild. I could see the negative energies and toxins. I could also see incredible detail to happiness and just how far I have come and how I got there from the beginning of my life. I went off some where deep, almost to the point where I could feel all parts of the earth. Wild. Then when Sifu Brinker asked us to envision an apple's life from the beginning to reaching us, I could see the roots in the ground, feel the sun, feel the apple growing, being part of it's trip to me. It was incredible.

Shaolin Fitness led by Sifu Masterson will always keep you honest. Sifu always has a great variety, leaves you with something to work on, and keeps it a lot of fun. The Striking seminar taught by Sifu Masterson and Sifu R Langner taught me the importance of the partnership when you are working with the shields. I liked how it was demonstrated and explained as to the guy with the shields being the coach. It made a lot of sense and left me with a better understanding of training with a partner.

I really enjoyed this weapon seminar led by Sifu B. Beckett. I think I have found another weapon that I would like to work with in the future. Sifu did such a good job demonstrating the Broad Sword and it was a privilege to be part of her shared expertise. This weapon felt really good and I started to feel quite comfortable with it. I found the most important advice of keeping the left hand part of the mechanics but clear of removal an eye opener. When you haven't trained with a sword, you don't even think of that really, but it wouldn't take much to remove your own hand that's for sure.

Learning strategies led by Sifu Rybak opened up my eyes as to how far I have let my eye for detail slip. I really liked Sifu's approach to this. It made me think about the positions I have taken in my classes and how complacent some of my passions and engagements have become in certain aspects and areas of my training.  I learned a lot from Sifu about leaving your experience in the back of your mind and starting each class and lesson as it is the very first time you have ever set foot in the kwoon. Maybe Sifu didn't say that directly, but that is how I deciphered it and that is how I am going to approach my Kung Fu.

The Wing Chun seminar was awesome. I was really excited to try some of the very same discipline as Bruce Lee's beginning. Way cool! The fist position, the blocks, the stance, the speed and efficiency,  the similar circular mechanics was a nice taste of something different. Sifu Pyrozko was a pretty cool cat, as was his assistant. I also felt very proud to be a student of Silent River after Sifu Pyrozko's kind words of how he was impressed with the students abilities. To me it say's a lot about our teachers and a lot about the students dedication and respect to the art and the skill set that is practiced at our school.

The flying kick seminar led by Sifu M. Playter was an opportunity that I took a lot of things from. Sifu basically broke down the mechanics and showed us the tools to perfect our flying kicks. I think with some serious dedication and practice to the techniques that we where taught, they would help in several aspects of spinning techniques. To achieve height, maintain centering, timing, landing etc. Not only that, but what I learned during this seminar can also be applied to my weapon form that I am working on. Cool stuff.

I enjoyed the grappling seminar led by Sifu Lietz for a few reasons. For one, he is a great teacher and made it a lot of fun. But the main reason is this is an area in my training that I haven't practiced a whole lot and in some ways I have kept a bit of a closed mind to it. But after this seminar I have a new found interest in grappling and appreciate and respect all that is involved. That and to me it was cool to work with someone as highly skilled as Sifu Lietz. Also it was great to not only see Sifu Lindstrom but I appreciate all of the help he gave me and my partner.

Psychology of defence was a boat load of information and awareness in some areas that I never really think of. I've never heard such a detail of the different levels of predators all around us and a lot of Sifu Brinkers words hit home for me. Such as awareness and knowledge to apply to my own well being as well as my girls. I have a pretty good sense on people and what to look out for. But to have it broken down to the levels we were taught and the whole mental aspect of it left me with a better understanding and how to not only pick up on these situations from other aspects, but just how far am I willing to go to enforce the well being of myself or my family. It's easy to think and say what you would do, but in a real life situation, What would you do? Good Seminar.

Last but not least, the knife offense techniques we learned from Sifu Frietag  gave me another level of respect towards knives and just how dangerous and completely devastating they can be. These simple but deadly techniques were highly effective and would immediately immobilize someone very quickly. I really enjoyed this knowledge that was passed on because there was also some demonstrations of proper handling and what some of the risks are as a handler of the knife. Such as the possibility of actually snapping the blade off and completely disarming yourself. All in all, good stuff. I wasn't sure though which was scarier, the knife or Sifu's giggles while she demonstrated these techniques?

It was a real shame that we couldn't do the fitness test. This is a very straight approach to exposing your strengths and weaknesses. This gives you a very detailed tool that will help give you a format to lay out a training discipline for the year and to help you prepare for your grading. That and the pain and stiffness you feel the next day let's you know just how awesome of a day you had and the accomplishment you achieved.

Well if your still awake or chose to read all of this, I can assure you once again I have left another boot camp with knowledge, new found interests and discoveries, challenges and goals for the future that I am going to pursue. It completely reset my engagement.  I apologize for the length of this blog but I couldn't just put this all in a nutshell... it was just that influential and that exciting and I hope it turns more students in this direction because it will be one of the better day's anyone could be a part of.
 Thanks again to all of the Sifu's that took the time out of their day to make an incredible boot camp, it's really appreciated. Also thanks to all of the people that I had the privilege to share the day with, you guy's are awesome! See you at the kwoon.

Sustainability

This is an area over the last year that has been a huge challenge for me. If you picture three columns, one representing Kung Fu, one representing work, and finally family/personal life, it would be a site to behold. Two of the three fluctuate between 6-8 ft. but one you would see towering above at about 50 ft. and rising, that is a huge imbalance. An imbalance that has been reeving havoc on me and making it very difficult to try to maintain. Things left behind, demanded priorities out of my control that have taken my full attention and focus or have been either hog tied and thrown into a corner or pinned to my back and multiplying at an accelerating rate. I am no stranger to this and have fought and scratched my way through it all and remained standing.

This last while I had to even up the imbalance, it had to be done. I have no issues adapting to whatever falls into my path, but you can only carry on this way for so long before you have to fix it and make it right. You can either have a serious meltdown and do something stupid out of purely irrational thoughts or make some temporary sacrifices to make it right. I chose the latter. I took a hold of an opportunity and ran with it. My job finished recently and my family priorities have settled, it was time to knock down over 100 items that have been on hold, am I am not overly exaggerating on this. I closed the door on everything and everybody this last while in order to regain the control of my situation that has been slipping for sometime now. Without going into fine details about it all, I can confidently say I have left a pile of carnage behind me and feel good about everything. Those three columns at the moment are fluctuating in unison and I am in a good place. I am ready for just about anything or if I'm not, I have the space to adjust, adapt and overcome. Just like it is supposed to be. Positive thoughts and restoration of complete control over my life is in motion. I am not constantly fighting and being pulled around by events and situations because I have cleared the clutter and my mind, and most importantly my closest and dearest friend, my wife, is healing very well. That has been my first and foremost priority. The smoke is cleared so it's back on the path full speed ahead.

 I have received news of two tragedies that have occurred recently and rather than think about how this will effect me, I looked at how this is going to effect them and others around them and just how I am going to help. Never take anything for granted, because you could blink and it will be gone, that and there are people with far more issues than anybody is this country would ever see or understand. Stopping and looking at what you have and being grateful for it is key and that's where I am at.

Finally, I want you guys on the team to understand I am well aware that I have been carried by you for sometime now. I don't think I am special or my life is way harder than yours, or I am entitled to a break because of my situations. I struggle with asking for help and I am a private person, my problems are my problems and I will deal with them, that's it. However I do realize the selfishness and the effects of some of my actions on the team and have no problem being accountable to them. That's easy to say but doing something about it through action is just as important. So I will do just that.  My contributions have been minimal as has been my presence. I have sacrificed my integrity on a few fronts and have probably installed question to as where I am at, and what the hell I am doing. I get that. Some of you may understand, some of you may not. I get that too. This will all change very soon. I am on a fresh start with new direction, rebuilt focus and determination, a new job that is going to be awesome, and some killer training on the rise. I have achieved something that I didn't think I was going to see for sometime, but continuing to fight, adapt and prioritize and restore control of my life and direction has lead me to sustainability. See you at the kwoon.

Disrupting the Circle

I'll be the first to admit I struggle with asking others for help. I don't like to impose burden on others and therefore I have always chose to find my own way for the most part. I have taken many a long roads with this approach and many bouts of frustration.  I have always thought that's how you learn and that is how you become highly skilled. Don't get me wrong, a lot of people have shared their knowledge with me but for the most part, I was approached more than I asked for help, either way I am grateful for all of them. To me the mindset was you educate yourself and never take the easy way by going straight to the answer. However some of my most influential teachers and mentors didn't take this approach. Someone that really wants to see you excel will share many ways to accomplish or find the answer to a problem without giving you the solution because they recognize we are all different and we all think and act different and no one has the right to take that experience from you. This is why several avenues shown will be the most beneficial to whatever it is you are trying to accomplish at a high skill set. Not asking for help has struck a thought with me tonight at the school and made me look at the big picture and just how damaging of a ripple effect you can cause with this mindset because I believe also no one has the right to keep others from excelling out of shear stubbornness or not using the opportunity that is right in front of you.

I have had a major realization of how me not asking for help is preventing others above me and around me to advance and become better martial artists. If you take a good look at all of our Black Belts in the school, they are all skilled, but each and everyone has a strong point that at the drop of a hat, they want to share that knowledge. They are passionate about the art, but not only that, they are all trying to advance themselves. So when you don't ask questions or you don't ask for help or advice, you are putting a stall on everything, you are pouring super glue on the gears of excellence. All skill advancement for everyone becomes slow and stagnant. Kung Fu works in a circle, as does the lineage and skill level of the school. Every time someone helps another, the circle continues and advancement and skill potency continues to evolve. You learn something, others learn something, and sometimes new discoveries are made that help and improve everyone's skills at all levels. Your problems or struggles can help so many others, all you have to do is ask for help or advice. An important factor to remember is at some point someone has been there or knows someone that has and they want to help. So instead of making jerks out of them or myself, my mission is to use the help that is right in front of me and help others including myself along the way. It won't be easy, but it's not all about me, it's about us as martial artists. Maybe I am talking straight out of butt on this but either way, see you at the kwoon.

Heavy is the Head

This blog is going to be scattered a bit as I have to get everyone up to speed as to what is going on with me as I realize as far as most of you know or can see I have been doing nothing or very little in regards to my training so here it is in a nutshell.
I have been working a ton of hours, seven days a week and caring for someone that is very close to me that has become very ill and has faced many issues since Febuary. These two items have been where most of my energy has been placed. I'm not going to go on about how difficult it has been or how burnt out I am as this is just simply life and I don't like to use these things as an excuse for neglecting other important things in my life. Kung Fu is very important to me and as hard as it may all seem, I still apply it to all aspects of my life because it has grown to be a part of me. It isn't just a hobby that I do.

I have been struggling a bit with changing my all or nothing mentality when it comes to my training. If I can't train as much as I like because I run out of hours in a day or my attention is focused on something else, very little gets done and then I beat myself up over it. I have to remember that any bit of training or effort towards Kung Fu is something. If I can't get in the time to do as much as I want, I have to focus on something that will still be beneficial to progress. The incremental focus is something I have to work on.
This year is going to require alot of work and focus in regards to achieving the level black belt. The biggest thing is public engagement and obvious progression through skill improvement when I am at the kwoon.The Sifu's and the school need to see progress and effort. If there is no journaling or no prescence how would anybody know what your doing or what kind of example are you setting for those coming up that will be working towards their black belt. I have not shared or provided a very good example. This has to change or it makes the whole thing look like a big joke. I get that, and I will do something about it. I don't want to be that guy.
I will say this much, at this point in my life I have gone through a very difficult period the last while. It has been a challenge to stay focused and move forward. I have missed opportunities, gone above and beyond for others and kept a cool head through it all and maintained a, for the most part, positive attitude. There is light at the end of the tunnel and these challenges have made me stronger and wiser. My focus now is to restore the balance of the main aspects of my life and restore the faith of my Sifu's and the school, because as of late you have seen or heard nothing. See you at the kwoon.

The Restoration of the Unexplained

Since last Saturday I have under gone a major change in my attitude and how I feel about my training. I feel so light and have this incredible excitement that I haven't felt for some time. My focus has changed and my inner energy is at an absolute high. My hands and body won't stop tingling when I train, my focus and awareness to everything I do is on a ultra sensitive frequency. It's just cool to feel this happy and this buzzed when practicing my Kung Fu once again. Grading was an intervention for me, I put it all on the line and offered complete exposure. I now have a new beginning, a new mind set and focus, new tools and new path to cut. I feel clean and transparent, like I have severed a cancer that has been hampering me for some time now.

I'm still hard on myself when I doing things, but instead of man that sucks and feeling bad about it, it's more like, man that sucks but I am going to make it better and I feel good about it. I've relaxed my stubborn ways and it hasn't been easy at all, but I have reached out to others for help and chose to remain accountable to them in the process. I want the people that help me to witness they're words and thoughts turn into physical results. Not saying I want a guide through it all, it's still training with my signature on it, just that their words have made a difference and they're respected.

I have many goals to reach over the next while but I will attack them one at a time until they are solid and become second nature. I am hoping this will hold my engagement strong throughout the year. All of which I intend to share with others on the I Ho Chuan and those that help outside the team, but part of the school.

One last thing to maybe to clarify and perhaps send an understanding for those following my journey. Sometimes my writing may come off as completely negative and maybe sometimes it is. However, I am providing a transparent view to some of the things people can go through and just how that person deals with, or doesn't deal with, these events and prevails. The intention is for others to see it is not always going to be roses and sunshine. Sometimes you can spiral into a very dark place that takes something incredible or a different perspective to come out of. I am honest about things, and I hold myself accountable to everything I do or whatever decision I make whether it's right or wrong and I hope that by sharing these experiences, good or bad, people can take something away with them and apply it to their own thoughts or experiences. It's all in the perception and how it is taken, and the intention is not to send out the wrong message or negativity, just the truth of what's happening or how one is feeling at that particular moment in ones journey. See you at the kwoon.

The People have Spoken

It was truly a loud and clear message to our government yesterday that the people of our province want change and have reminded them that they work for us. It was great to see the voter turn out and people demanding accountability and exercising a right that was fought for so the people have a voice. Is the change going to be better or worse for us? I guess we'll see. The point of it is though that Albertans took the risk and made a change. I feel very proud to be an Albertan today and I hope others do too and not lose the momentum and the confidence to remain in charge.

It Was a Good Day

I'll be honest. Earlier this week I went through a complete moment of doubt. I thought there is no way I am ready to walk into that school, in front of my Sifu's and peers and grade. I'm not ready, everything is no where near black belt level and there is no way I am even good enough to walk into the school and pull this off. I have had too much down time and not enough self discipline, this is nothing but blatant disrespect. Then I stopped and thought to myself, "How would you know the answer to any of these questions or if any of those thoughts are true if you don't try? How the heck do you even know what Black Belt level is if you don't show up and do this. How can you possibly advance if you don't put it all on the line and work with what you do have and offer complete exposure? What happened to I'm just going to do this and toss the doubt, your ego is not invited... was that all lip service to your self and others? Your pride will win again and you'll just throw away another abundance of help from others and toss another opportunity of advancement to the wolves out of fear and doubt. Is that how you roll?"  Absolutely not. So I picked all of that up, squashed it into a ball, gave it a few hulk smashes, and off the side of the bridge it went. Where the heck did that come from? Geez!

 I can't really explain in a few words about what transpired yesterday. In some ways it was a complete fog and in other way's it was in HD. The whole time I was at the school, I could feel every move I made, every mistake I made, even when people where talking or moving, I could hear my heart beating, air into and out of my lungs, my feet walking on the mats. I could feel every single person's presence in the room. It was kind of weird really. It's the most in touch I have ever been with my senses, which was cool.  But the coolest part about yesterday was it was probably the happiest I have been in a very long time. I'm still wearing a smile on my dial, and even if I wasn't smiling at times yesterday, and I felt a huge abundance of emotions it all reverted back to happiness. I could be wrong but I never felt my ego coming in at all, I felt balanced, almost in a neutral state. I went through several stages of emotions such as pride, anger, doubt, confidence, determination, humility, success, fails, intimidation and a few times even fear, but in the end nothing could have taken away how I felt when I left the school yesterday. I felt like I picked up a huge weight off my shoulders and smashed it on the ground. I felt like this is all a new beginning. It was one of the greatest day's of my life. I left all my personal stuff at home and didn't carry around my fails. I stored them and moved on and when you can say you had a day like that, you should definitely write it down. So I did.

Now the hardest part is about to come. Keeping the momentum moving and staying on the quest for mastery. Polishing my strong points and elevating my weaknesses. Good thing there is still 10 months left of the year of the sheep. From my stand point at this time I am going to need it, all of it. I have laid out and completely exposed what I have and what I need to throw away. I know have a new arsenal of tools to use and new issues to sort out. I really feel good about things and am going to use and act on the valuable advice I was given yesterday. I have to renovate my pyramid a bit and give a few things a good polish. Overall this is going to be my greatest year if I can stick to the plan and hit up people for help when I need it. That's the tough part. I have trouble asking people for help, I have trouble approaching others and I don't want anything to come easy. What can I say, I'm a bull and I'm stubborn as heck. Something else to work on I guess.

I just wanted to mention I could not have gone into it with a better bunch of fellow students than Sihing Fuhr and Sihing Krebbs. You guy's did awesome and I couldn't be more proud of what I witnessed and what we went through together yesterday. Good job fellas and thanks for being there. See you at the kwoon.

Courage or Cowards

I'm not really one to publicly point out my views on politics but I do speak out against losing our freedoms continously and living in the share holder disease that conveniently hide behind the corporate front that continues to destroy the planet and its inhabitants through corruption and lies all on the quest to be a billionare. Its not good enough to be a millionare any more. Now you have to be a billionare and hold the title of being of the "Ultra Rich" variety. Does anyone see how pathetic that is or how sad it must be to have that kind of mindset. I used to jump on the anti corporation band wagon and had no issues speaking out against them and what they have not only done to north America, but the world in general. I now have looked deeper into the process and realize a corporation is absolutely nothing without share holders. The fat cats behind the scenes that make the call and manipulate so many for the cause of greed. I'm sure in some cases companies know damn well what they are doing and what damaging effects they will have on people or the planet. I'm also sure that there have been some that do not want any part of the damage or completely shipping all of the work outside of a country that is what made them in the first place and completely anihilating all infrastructure and local economies. Not putting any of that money back into your country because you pay no taxes.
 But what are you going to do if all your financial backing says do it or we will pull out. Do you make a stand and say go ahead and don't let the door hit your ass on the way out and take the risk of you ending up on the street. Or do you just turn a blind eye, take a public beating and when it's all said and done take your profits and hide because most people would rather run you over than brake while you cross the street.
In my opinion nobody should have to be put in this position and these types of people should have never been given this much power. But it is all on us as people, we voted in the government's that allowed this. We are the ones who were allowed to be manipulated by materialistic lifestyles and became brainwashed into fear by these sorts. We were the ones who chose to be divided instead of sticking together. Mass groups of people with like minded views on who and what should be responsible and accountable for our interests, are far more powerful than any group of shareholders or governments could ever dream of being. Remember they work for us and a group of people that forget that need to be removed from these positions. This is where our right to vote and right to demand change comes in. We all talk tough until it's time to mark that box or stand beside someone that wants to make a difference or thinks outside the box out of fear. We need to cease our mindset with being content with being programmed and losing our rights and freedoms like its nothing. Ditch the materialistic mentality and do what's right for us and our children and the planet. Quit being sheep. It's risk takers that build the planet, demand change, and demand accountability. This is on us.

The Never Ending Pursuit

It's been almost 10 months since I have been able to have any kind of consistent presence in the kwoon. 10 months since any real contact with my training mates and teachers. 10 months since I even worked on several aspects with a partner. Flooded with continuous draw backs that just seem to be coming. All of a sudden here I am parachuting into the Kwoon and grading in about two weeks and none of it seems to be lining up. Are things improving? Couldn't tell you. So many things going on right now with work, a recent concern with someone close to me that puts all things on hold, raising my little one and being there for her, and trying to get all that's involved with my preparation for grading, makes it difficult to keep track. All of these things are my life. There's no sense in getting stressed out about it, what good would that do. The thing is if you look at it from a different angle, I'm balanced, and that in itself is a huge accomplishment for me. Everything is moving ahead together as one. I haven't been able to do that for a long time. The cool part is I am engaged in all aspects of my life and I am practicing mastery in all of these things. Family, Kung Fu, and my occupation.

Am I in the best shape of my life and do I have all my Kung Fu down and ready for grading? No, I am not and no I don't. But the year is not over and I'll find out May 2 exactly what I need to do to be awesome and blow peoples minds right out of their skulls. Am I getting in all the time I need to train properly and prepare? No, not even close, but I'm doing the best I can. Am I concerned about grading, failing, looking like a jerk, am I even good enough to show my face and try? Am I intimidated, maybe setting myself up for failure, questioning what I should have done, could have done?  Of course I am and of course those thoughts are running through my head. All of that is there but I can't bring that baggage with me and it's not healthy to carry that along with you anyway, so to the curb with that. I am going in with my mind clear and focused and perform to the best of my current ability's and continue to shoot for the highest standard I can. Pass or fail, I have reached nothing. There is no arrival. It's only a stepping stone to a valuable tool that will be earned and utilized on the never ending quest for mastery in the freakin' awesome art of Kung Fu. My confidence will be high and my ego is not invited.

 Is my work going to continue to be a bombing of question marks and unpredictable situations and schedules? Yes, it will be. I am highly skilled and I don't burn my bridges, unless they have it coming, then I blow that sucker to the heavens, end of story. I practice mastery in my trade and it is my passion. People that carry themselves this way will always be in demand and will always be on complicated or specialty work that requires a practice of the highest standards and skill set. Like those before me that had the grit, the drive, the standard, and the intelligence to do what it takes to prevail over anything. Just like our past masters in Kung Fu.

Are my girls going to need me on all fronts at any given moment? Yes, they will and at the drop of a hat, anything else takes a back seat. Period. Is there going to be family triumphs and tragedies or an unquestionable presence that is going to take me away from work or Kung Fu? Is there going to be times when work or Kung FU is going to take me away from my family? Is there going to have to be sacrifices that will have to be made in order to achieve mastery in any of these three areas in my life and will the placement of priorities be shifted?  Yes, there will be and sometimes it won't be pretty. Sometimes the sacrifice will result in failure, sadness, tension, absence. But the end result if there is success and an overall balance can continue, it will be the most awesome thing I could ever witness or be a part of. See you at the kwoon

Form Work

Form work is probably the most versatile and effective training tool available to a martial artist. It is an area where you can maintain and advance your physical and mental development in all aspects of your discipline. In other words you can cover a lot of your training at once. If you practice your forms daily you are improving your Kung Fu in a multitude of ways. Probably the most effective way to practice and begin to understand the six harmonies, external and internal, is through your forms.
Forms will help provide you with an understanding of the concept of center and how to channel your chi through your body. Techniques and flow improve greatly because your body and mind are working together in perpetual motion as you move from technique, to punch, to kick, to stance, fast to slow, weight distribution changes, etc. You will find the more you do your forms, the easier your curriculum techniques and one steps begin to flow and should come to you sooner. Coordination and timing, muscle endurance, strength, and flexibility improve and will only get better as you continue to maintain all of these factors.
Form work is the best way to troubleshoot your Kung Fu. The reason for this is it provides a completely transparent view to your stronger and weaker points or bad habits. For example; poor stances, incorrectly executed techniques, poor kicks, weak punches, flow issues, raised heels, lack of coordination, technique completion to grounded stance, six harmonies are not in sync, speed and timing is completely out to lunch, stance transitioning, powerless techniques due to incompletion, hand/eye coordination, ( are you looking for your attacker or at him?). All of which can be easily repaired through form work. The more form work you do the sharper your awareness becomes. Soon you will catch your mistakes and be able to repair them and improve your Kung Fu continuously. How you practice your forms is very important as well. What I mean by this is the speed as to which you do your forms. Slow and complete techniques and stances will help flow and the ability to time your whole body. In other words, get good before you get fast.
The bottom line is your form work is everything and if you maintain a daily discipline, you can be knocking down way more birds than just two with one stone. Forms must also be viewed as a journey. There is no end, so throw that thought to the curb. Perfection will never be reached. Just when you have something running smooth, something else will expose itself. That's what makes forms so cool. It's just my thoughts but forms are also the window to your own evolution as a martial artist, so don't forget to have a look, because that's you and where you're at. See you at the Kwoon.

Rolling with the Madness

Where to start. When asked where I am at currently with my training, my preparation for grading, my I Ho Chuan requirements, my recovery and almost any other thing you can dream up, you will receive this response. Me asking you to envision me holding all that is going on in my life in a box full of pieces from 14 different kind of jig saw puzzles. Then you will see me dump it all into a pile on the ground and calmly point down. That is where I am at.

My balance is completely off the scale, in fact, it's smashed into tiny pieces that I can't put together at the moment. The clock is ticking fast and I am all over the map with a jungle of loose ends I am trying to weave into something that will be sustainable in my life and my training. I have had more time away from the kwoon than most people have been away from home. A major injury and many personal challenges that have consumed a dump truck full of my time along with a crazy work schedule, has set me further back than I could have ever anticipated.  Some have viewed my time away from the kwoon as a result of my injury as hiding and I should've been there to observe and be there in spirit for the team. I'll keep that response to myself. But I will say this much, I hide from nothing. Grading is coming fast and my knowledge of the curriculum is weak, my kicks suck, physical conditioning is below average, bad habits in my form work, a weapon form that is not complete and others I plan on bringing to the table have not been practiced. Lots of theoretical material that requires memorization, and five personal techniques that is a bunch of crap, it looks more like amateur hour than something from somebody at my level. Occupational demands are full swing and just when you think it will slow down, wham. While most of you where with your families or training or doing whatever it was you where doing this long weekend, I was in a hard hat, 12 hrs a day, everyday.

So some may see this as life, some may see this as impossible, some may see this as whining or excuses. It may appear as a justification to put off grading until November. It may look like an anger vent or me throwing out negativity. Well sorry sunshine, but sometimes what appears to be negativity is reality. As difficult as it may seem, all of this is opportunity. Nothing more, nothing less. What I am doing here is sharing a window into all that is going on currently and hopefully what I can do to make it better and get through all of this. I hold myself accountable to it all, because all of this is my own responsibility and a result of my decisions and how I chose to act on them. I don't blame anyone or anything because this is all on me.

I will continue to forge ahead and share my journey for the next few weeks. I possess a patient mind along with bullet proof determination and will. I have looked back to how far I have come and that alone has given me reassurance that I can do this. Despite all that is going on in all aspects of my life, I am grateful for it all and embrace this as fuel for my success and to better my wisdom. This is all going to make me a better person, a better Black Belt, a better Father and husband, and a bring me that much closer to being a master in my trade. It will strengthen my will and sharpen my wits. There are many people that have it far worse than I may ever see. I am walking into the Kwoon on May 2 with the intention to succeed and to me November is not an option. A strong mind and iron determination can get you through anything. At the moment that's the only thing I have that is ready. See you at the Kwoon.

Stage 2, Rev 1

Stage 1 of my years layout never really panned out and stage 2 is already lagging behind. As far as goals reached for February I came up short on just about everything except distance. I managed to walk a total of 60 km and did achieve 37 weapon form reps and 24 of each school form reps. I only achieved a solid 3 min horse stance with bean bags. This all came before I injured myself. I look at this is good though because I did all of this in a short period of time with the exception of the distance. I have been using an app on my phone to track my distance and this also helps to keep me moving. A while back I seen just everyday walking not really eligible to count towards your distance goal. But when you run out of training options you have to find something to work towards and get something done. I found utilizing this tool to be helpful not only towards my goals, but also helpful in my healing process. It kept me moving and engaged, but also motivated me to forge ahead.

Stage 2 of my monthly goals is going to have to be heavily modified. Lot's needs to be revised as my direction and focus has changed. Fail or not I am showing up to the kwoon on May 2 to grade and that's all there is to it. I don't care if I show up in a wheel chair, it's happening. I have changed my mindset from I am not ready or this does not meet the school standards; to ready or not here I come whether you like it or not. I tend to be very hard on myself and I set my standards very high. I do understand there is no such thing as perfect, believe me I get that. But I can't stand half effort or no heart or even go on to say no class when I do something I believe in. I understand now though, it's not my place to decide whether the standard is met or not. It's my place to show my Sifu's present at my grading what I've got and show the students of our school what it takes.

My work schedule was supposed to dwindle down after this past weekend of 12 hour shifts and float into a Monday to Friday rotation which was supposed to blend together quite well from now to the beginning of May. However, if you have watched the news today and have heard what has happened, you will understand it will be a crazy next while as we were faced with a major draw back. Fortunately, and ultimately, everyone went home and to me that's all that matters.

I have a big challenge ahead of me if I am to be prepared for May. I have to pretty much start at the beginning of my training and ramp up substantially if I am even going to stand a chance. Between my relentless work hours and life in general this is going to be tough. Good, at this point in my Kung Fu this might be just what the doctor ordered. Keep you in the loop as I go. See you at the kwoon.

Throwing in the Towel......

Just like anybody, I have had my moments of knee jerk reactions. Unexpected
demands and unexpected events from situations that you don't see coming or your not used to dealing with will fuel the irrational thought engine with high octane. When one of the key components that work in unison with your personal mechanics suddenly fails, the remaining components must compensate. Each one of these components hold a different duty and when you try to continue as you normally would and impose something they are not compatible with, everything piles up and you cease to function correctly. Kind of like putting diesel fuel in your windshield washer reservoir. It will still work, but its function is pointless.

As time has progressed I have had the toughest challenges thrown at me in quite some time. One of the most important things in my life is my Kung Fu. I have been down with an injury and absent from the kwoon for various reasons, but have been trying to grasp other areas to remain engaged and continue to advance. This is where adaptability comes in. Well that can go only so far when the physical aspect has been forcibly removed and it was something that helped you along the way. You see the physical part of it is my escape. That is how I remove stress, maintain my mental and physical health, my ability to adapt. My balance. That's my dump valve for negativity, my mental equalizer, and one of my main sources of chi energy. It is one of my "Big Three" that I continue to pursue mastery in. I have lost my ability to physically train at a time where I probably need it the most.

My injury provoked an explosion of emotions the other day. They consisted of raging anger, self doubt, self pity, and despair. I have been trying to do whatever I can to keep things moving and to regain my strength and range of motion as my injury allows. Listening to my body and trying to remain careful and patient. I tried to do forms, combinations, techniques, all resulting in pain. I tried to do a plank and realized just how messed up my core is. From going to 4 minutes and beyond to a very shakey 30 seconds and an inconsistent pattern of healing put me over the edge. I thought to heck with this, I'm done. I have fallen so far behind and at this rate there is no way I'll way I'll be ready for May 2. All my physical training is deteriorating and it will take forever to get it back. Everyone is advancing and I'm sitting here eating dust. I'm going quit and who cares. I'll never get caught up and no one is going to miss me anyway. I'm never there and when I should be, some thing comes up that I have to do or deal with, or fix. To heck with all of this! What if I can't train anymore? What if this is permanent? This sucks so bad!

I stepped back and thought about my words and actions. I realized that' not How I roll and I cannot lose my mindset or my direction. This is a huge opportunity for me to make a tremendous leap of advancement mentally and physically in my Kung Fu. This is also a tremendous wake up call on the absolute importance to maintain a powerful and balanced core. Your core is everything, period. That is the source of all your power and stability, and mine will require a full rebuild and revised discipline. I just have to be patient and change my perspective. Quiting things that are tough have never been in my nature and this thought process is not welcome. It doesn't matter who or what it is, discontinuing to fight or adapt to find a way to bust through obstacles will lead you to a downward spiral. Quitting or avoiding things is a false sense of action, a distorted justification of well being. The issues will still be there and if you don't take them on, that regret will follow you around for the rest of your life. I'm not into that and so the journey must continue, regardless of the challenges. See you at the Kwoon.

Caged Animal

This is pretty much how I feel right now. Chomping at the bit to charge fully into my Kung Fu and not being able to go to it's full potential has been frustrating. I have been writing and doing whatever I can do, but it hasn't been much. I feel like I am trapped in an iron cage and no matter how many times I chew, kick, punch, or bounce myself off the walls, I can't get out. Time is moving fast and a deadline to be fully prepared for grading is just around the corner. Working 7 days a week hasn't really given me an opportunity to heal properly but I am a firm believer that just sitting still is going to cause more damage than good. This particular injury has been one of the most weirdest I have ever encountered. Pain and tired muscles have been moving all over the place and has been very difficult to pin point indeed. The reflexologist that I typically see is relocating and is unavailable until the middle of the month. I have gone to see a chiropractor and it seemed to help some. I have been given exercises to try and found this to be helpful and I have a follow up appointment tomorrow. We'll see what happens.

I have been going through a lot of personal challenges lately that seem to be coming at me like a machine gun. One after another they come and one after another I sort them out. Keeping the perspective that these are opportunities that will make me a better person and make me that much more stronger mentally has kept me focused on achieving my goals and strengthening my weaknesses. This makes me that much better at Kung Fu and will make me that much better at using correct judgement and empathy to help not only my self, but all of those that may need help along the way. Maybe I'm wrong at this observation and practice, but for now, it's working for various situations I have been encountering.

Moving on though I have found other ways to stay engaged and when it is go time. I have a solid structure laid out that should serve me well. I know that I will have to start from the beginning slowly and work my way back up. That's just the way it has to be. Once I feel better and I am able to continue my training, I will proceed with caution. As much as I would love to charge back in wide open and make up for lost time, I cannot just pick up where I left off. This kind of stupidity will put me right back where I am now or worse. Yes, it's a downer but I chose to remain positive and keep my eyes and thoughts to the future and hold the vision of seeing myself where I want to be. I have been on the bench now for almost 3 weeks and have been taking notes during Sihing class and have been visually thinking of a new weapon form and going through all of my other forms, curriculum, and five personal techniques. I know what needs to be done and just how I'm going to do it. Now that my full attention is no longer required at home and in  order to stay completely engaged and not lose focus, I plan on being at the kwoon as much as possible to observe and take notes while I am down. Even on the bench watching and taking notes can be just as important and as beneficial as physically participating. You have to take advantage of all opportunity's when your down in order to stay up. See you at the kwoon.

The Cards your Dealt

This last while has been interesting and frustrating as a whole. I'm at one of those jagged peaks and valleys with water at the bottom of each, mud slides, and white out snow storms at the peaks. It can grate on you and leave you wondering what's next. This approach however will get you nowhere and it only stops you if you let it. Some where down the path is grassy fields and sunshine, you just have to aim for it and go.

The last few weeks has been taking care of a situation at home that is close to the heart and scary all at once. Moving ahead and adapting has brought that to an almost resolved state. A new job has been moving along not so well. Politics, weather, and a roll of the dice on what hours or days your working leaves your ability to commit to things pretty much impossible. One minute we are working day shift, next night shift, next tomorrow, next maybe over the course of the weekend, next off.... you get the picture.

Next issue, injury. A couple of days ago I was carrying something heavy and my foot slipped on the ice resulting in me jarring my lower back. This has pretty much halted all my physical training. Insert machine gun of profanity here. It's one of those back injurys that no matter what you do, pain will be involved in

So what now. Adapt and prevail. First things first, you can't control what happens around you, but you can control how you deal with things. Work, well it is what it is. Whatever shift or day I am working there is always the opportunity to get to the kwoon now that I am working at home. Morning classes, evening classes, open training, contact someone that has a key, train at home and utilize that training opportunity. This is easy to do if you want to actually do it. My attention and focus lately has been all put into my personal life, but along the way I managed to get in some form reps and training. Not as much as I wanted too but something. Incremental progress. I know the minute I let this slip, I will be right back to square one. Next came the injury, physical training is not an option at the moment. So I need to move onto the mental area of my training. I have to see this as an opportunity to use the down time to focus on planning, research ways to help heal quicker and what I need to work on to maintain a stronger body. I started segregating the curriculumn into what I know, what I don't know. What is going to take more time to relearn and what will be replenished in a quick review, write it down. What form needs work and where are my trouble zones, write it down. Sort out my training reps, what area needs more and which one needs less, write it down. Go through my theory and write down the ones I don't feel confident with my answer and put it on the web site. Write down and plan a balanced workout that will coincide with my monthly goals and keep my muscles strong around my joints and spine. Try to keep moving and start training again listening to my body along the way. Sitting completely still I think does more harm than good.

That's pretty much what's going on with me lately. I know right now the timing is bad but my back is starting to loosen up and my mobility is improving daily so thats a good thing. Just like seeing all things, good or bad, as an opportunity to make something better. It will only bring you down if you let it. See you at the kwoon